Don't know what to do at this point

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ImPissedOff, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    Low self-esteem and confidence are two different things... yet they play hand and hand affecting one another.

    You ask about dating confidence, yet you arent confident in yourself due to low self-esteem.

    I see an lot of self-doubt, negative mindset thinking based on your posts. You project how you feel (go back and read you posts. Is that the person you want to be and act around others as you are now?). If you're always negative, comparing, holding yourself back mentally then how do you think you'll act around others? Desperate, needy, unhappy, and always looking for the easy route. Which leads to low confidence...

    "Confidence comes from feelings of well-being, acceptance of your body and mind (your self-esteem) and belief in your own ability, skills and experience." https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/confidence.html

    When I first started NoFap I cut out all PMO, and dating seeking. I wanted to work on myself first as NoFap alone wont fix my problems that led me to PMO and my social problems. I started going out doing things that I was uncomfortable doing alone.

    I went out and visited cities to do some site seeing. Went to resturants to try new foods, went to movies, concerts. All of it alone. Even while still socially awkward i practice talking with people I met. It made me more confident to do and try new things I've never done.

    At the end of the day I didnt care what others think of me because I enjoyed the experience. I also went and got an gym membership to keep myself active and fit. When I feel good about myself I feel confident overall.

    As I kept doing those things feeling confident in who i was. All of an sudden women started looking and taking interest in me. Why because I wasnt hunting for an relationship. They wanted to know what I was up too, why was I so upbeat? Why was I there alone? So they approached me.

    What does all this have to dating confidence? It tells the other person that you arent boring. That you can go out with confidence and do interesting things vs. dwelling on why women dont approach you. Those experiences gives you something to converse about. Stories to share. Places to visit with someone (or to take on an date).

    If an woman approached you now what can you share about yourself to keep her interested in you? To make her want to give you her #, and go on an date(s) to find out more interesting thing about you.

    So work on yourself first rather than looking to jump into the dating scene thinking it will fix everything. The dating scene is another trial to deal with. How well you handle yourself dealing with approach, love, and rejection is dependent on your self-esteem and confidence. One round of rejection is enough to send people back to PMO. Yet if you continue to put yourself out there, being confident in yourself, and doing things you like, and taking everything as an learning experience. In time you'll find someone you can connect with... outside of bar life...

    At the end of day if you're just looking for quick fix on dating confidence then look up an pick-up-artist book. But dont expect it to help you beyond cheesy pick-up lines, and how to flirt, get chicks #, and bringing them home if you have nothing of interest to share.

    Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. And let women approach you like they did with your friends.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019 at 6:04 PM
  2. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    I understand your points and I admire how you have improved yourself alongside using NoFap, but there are some wrong assumptions you are making. The way I act and how I feel inside are not correlated. I literally do not show that I'm angry/bothered by things very often, ESPECIALLY not in the bar scene. I don't sit there in pity at the booth if a girl rejects me. Also, in my opinion I act the opposite of needy, I don't go up to girls and beg for their attention, I barely even show them attention at all, because that's what I've been told I need to do. "Women want what they can't have, bro" -what my friends say when I ask for advice. But obviously it doesn't work.

    Another point, I don't look for the easy way out/quick fix. It's been like 5 years of me trying to things differently. I used to be extremely anxious socially, but I've almost erased that completely (except when it comes to attractive women). I DEFINITELY do not "hunt for a relationship". I'm just trying to improve my dating life and socializing with girls.

    And I'm sorry, but I've been on a 300+ nofap streak and was feeling extremely confident overall with a solid self esteem, and I had like one girl that was truly interested in conversing with me. I was waiting for the superpowers and magnetic attraction and girls approaching me, but they never came. It sounds like you assume I'm a boring guy and have no life outside of dating, but I'm honestly not. And if a girl approached me, I'd be ecstatic and immediately be fine chatting her up because she signaled that INTEREST in me. My main point was not just wondering why women don't approach me, but it was about why they don't show any interest overall, especially when I end up talking to them. I was wondering what I am doing wrong when it comes to that.

    I've done and currently do a lot of self improvement. (reading, pursuing interests/passions, etc.). A lot of advice I read is basically "oh well sounds like you have no life and you're boring so get a life and then worry about girls and they'll like you". But if I do have a life, passions, and goals and girls are still not interested in me, what am I supposed to do now?

    P.S. I'm in college in a very small town, and doing things alone in college is going to make you look like a freak, people are shallow idk
     

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