Don't know what to do at this point

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ImPissedOff, Feb 27, 2019.

  1. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    What's up guys, finally made this account after using this site for a while.
    I've always struggled with getting girls/dating, and found that everyone else including my friends are just naturally social/attractive to girls and get girls extremely easy with very little effort. Like one of my friends on multiple occasions has had girls walk up to him and basically ask to hook up. Like wtf. I'm happy for them, but I can't help myself wondering what is wrong with me. Why do no girls show any interest in me? I try to be more social and go out for the opportunity to meet girls. I go to the bars like every weekend with friends, but I NEVER find success there. Seems like its always 60% guys and 40% girls. And if you're an attractive girl there, you get swarmed with guys' attention. I feel I would be just another dude bothering them and in constant competition with everyone else. Yes, I could try to cold approach, but since I'm in college that's a terrible idea haha. How do I meet more girls and find more success? Feels like I've tried everything that I've been told from friends/family already.

    TL/DR: no success with girls, bars suck: any strategies for them?, don't know how/where to meet attractive girls otherwise
     
    Stitch 626 likes this.
  2. Stitch 626

    Stitch 626 Fapstronaut

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    You're not the only one. We have to keep trying, though.
     
    Capt. U likes this.
  3. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    You see, I've been "trying" for about 8 years now with no luck. That's why I'm asking for advice
     
  4. Stitch 626

    Stitch 626 Fapstronaut

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    You said you feel like you're another guy who's bothering them. Maybe you should work some more on your confidence. Your friends probably do that so easily because they know they can. You also can, but you feel the opposite. When you approach people, of course it's because you see something nice about them, but you have to feel you have something to offer as well. You shouldn't feel like a burden to them, but feel like the nice guy you are. You can try to change your look if you wish, work on your behaviour, train in front of the mirror as well, but you have to feel confident about yourself. Of course, you can't take it too extremely, or you'd be like those douchebags that are too confident and don't accept a "no", but you have to realize you're a nice guy who's approaching a nice girl to have a good time. Confidence is a huge part of the process. AND, if she says "no", it's not because you're not nice. Maybe it's just because she's not your type. Try to feel more confident, keep trying, and you'll see the results. Tell me when you achieve it. ;)
     
    Marik757 likes this.
  5. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    That's what everyone has always told me: "Be confident". But confidence isn't a switch you can turn on or off, trust me I would have no problems right now if I could have just "become confident". And hot girls get hit on all the time, and they constantly complain about it, so why should I try, you know? That's what kind of goes through my head. Why would she be interested in me when she can get the better looking high social status guy in the bar. I feel awkward approaching her because we both know in the back of our minds what I'm really doing and why I chose her to approach, because shes attractive. Sorry I'm rambling now, but this is what contributes to my lack of confidence. I just don't know how to develop it when I haven't had any success to base it on.
     
  6. EggrollLover56

    EggrollLover56 New Fapstronaut

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    So do you have like trouble with keeping a conversation? Or where is where you think you fall short?
     
  7. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    Yes a lot of trouble with conversation, because it's someone that I abruptly approached all of a sudden that I do not know at all. But I'd say I definitely have very high approach anxiety too. Too afraid of the repercussions if I were to mess it up/be awkward/etc.
     
  8. Stitch 626

    Stitch 626 Fapstronaut

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    I know it's not a switch. It's a long process that takes some time. I've been working on mine for a few months. But tell me... If you had to describe yourself, what characteristics would you point out? Either the good and the bad?
     
  9. EggrollLover56

    EggrollLover56 New Fapstronaut

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    I think that you could try practicing on Tinder or another dating app, matching with people and trying to start a conversation. At first, the conversation will end awkwardly. That's ok! After more practice, you'll get better and better at starting and maintaining conversations. My advice is to not ask questions. Be assertive and confident! Asking questions may seem interesting, however, to the other person, they seem dry. Tell a story, be exciting! Tinder can help you practice and get better at starting conversations, it helped me! I suggest that you read this article. Women can pick up on your confidence, that's the key.
     
    Stitch 626 likes this.
  10. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    I'd say I'm a really funny guy to be around honestly, but the bad part is that I can't show this about me when I first meet someone in some small talk conversation. If I don't know you, what am I supposed to say/do is sort of my problem. I'm not bold and extroverted enough to be super social and energetic in a new conversation like that.
     
  11. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    I've used tinder several times and barely gotten any real matches, no matter how I set up my profile. Endless swiping that feels like a waste of time/effort, so I've kind of given up on it. Not to mention when you get no matches it makes you feel like you're not attractive at all haha. And besides, anybody can send a message digitally, there's nearly no risks or embarrassments for that. I'm thinking the only way I'm going to actually make any progress is in-person, which is what I struggle the most with.
     
  12. I’m a woman so maybe I can help.

    You’re worried about going up to an attractive girl because of competition? That’s you’re problem. You’ve placed these attractive women on a pedestal.

    When I was in my 20s and went clubbing or to bars yes there would be men around me and I hated it. Why? Because those men were sleazy and only wanted one thing. Most women hate that. The men who caught my interest were different. They were confident, came up to me, and spoke to me as if they were interested in getting to know me.

    Don’t be jealous that girls have gone up to your friend asking to hook up. That type of women has probably asked plenty of men the same thing. He’s not special.

    You do have to be realistic though in the type of women you’re after. If you’re a 2 but only going for 9s obviously it’s not going to work in your favour. Just like if you are a 6 and a grossly overweight woman with bad hygiene tries to ask you out. Won’t work. Be realistic and be confident
     
  13. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    So I'm not supposed to put women on a pedestal, but I have to rank them and figure out which ones are in my league? Isn't that a contradiction? And like I honestly don't know how attractive I am or what my "ranking" would be, it feels like I have a very low ranking with the amount of interest I get haha. When a hot girl gets approached by a guy it's obviously because he is interested in her sexually, no matter how he presents himself. In the back of both of their minds they know what's up. That's what kind of makes me nervous because it feels like when I go up to that hot girl it's like boom, time for a test to see if I can get the girl. It's rude to think/feel that way but that's what it feels like to me ya know. I just get thrown off by the dynamics of meeting a girl I guess. How does one of the "good guys" approach you?
     
  14. BravelyKegger

    BravelyKegger Fapstronaut

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    Honestly its all about the vibes you give off, if you project desperation and a feeling of inferiority, than they will pick up on that, its all in the body language, also how you talk to them and things you say matter a lot.
     
  15. I didn’t mean for you to actually rank people or yourself. We all subconsciously know how attractive we are. When I see a super attractive model type man sure I will think “wow he’s attractive”
    (if I was single) I wouldn’t try to hit on him because I subconsciously realize he’s out of my league. I guess what I am getting at is if you’re only trying to gain the attention of Barbie and you’re not a Ken good luck it’s not going to happen.

    You’re right that us women know when a man is interested in us sexually and this is a complete turn off for most women. While most men would love it if a woman was sexually interested in them, women are very different. We are used to feeling like we’re only good for sex. We hate feeling like a piece of meat. We want our boyfriend or husband to be sexually attracted to us but not a strange man we have no emotional connection to.

    I can understand where it gets confusing because women love compliments so it probably seems confusing. If a man tells me I am pretty I say thanks but it doesn’t make me interested in him. If he tells me I have nice eyes, again, it’s nice to hear but those are things I was born with and can’t change. I take notice when I get compliments about my style, my character, my humour etc. Things that make me ME- not things I was born with.
     
    Tiger uppercut! likes this.
  16. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Temporarily Suspended

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    Go for the cute awkward girl at the bookstore. If you're gunning for a Stacey at the meat market places theyre only interested if youre a Turbo Chad.
     
  17. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Temporarily Suspended

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    I hate meat market girls. Sure, some may be pretty but a lot of them are just bluepilled thots that listen to top 40 music and believe everything that the main stream media tells them.
     
  18. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    So you're saying for approaching girls I should compliment them in that style? Would that be suitable for bars/clubs? What advice do you have about trying to meet more women? I feel like there is no opportunities that wouldn't be seen as creepy besides the bars/clubs. And how do I gauge if a woman is interested? Never ever ever have I been approached/hit on by a girl, so that's why I need to be able to gauge a woman's attraction to me once I approach them. P.S. I never go for the super hot girls, I realize I have zero shot with them, I'm talking about girls I think I MIGHT have a shot with.
     
  19. Next time you’re at the gas station or grocery store or somewhere else not like a bar or club why don’t you make an effort to try and talk to a cute woman? Not even necessarily to get a date but to work on your confidence speaking to women? See that woman at the grocery store trying to reach something from the top shelf and go help her. Then start a conversation.

    I think your biggest obstacle is lack of confidence.
     
  20. ImPissedOff

    ImPissedOff Fapstronaut

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    Yes my biggest obstacle is a lack of confidence. But confidence comes from competence. I will never be genuinely confident until I experience success. Sure, I could start that meaningless conversation but it isn't going to help me with my DATING confidence and attracting women. That's why I'm trying to learn strategies and tips to improve. I get that I should try to start approaching girls in public places to practice conversation, but I never ever have heard one of my peers (that are successful/confident) use that strategy. They don't approach girls in public, heck they don't even really approach in places like bars. It leaves me dumbfounded because they'll get laid all the time. It appears as if they literally will just get women's attention by doing nearly nothing. I try to be as friendly and social as I can as a heavy introvert, and girls will seriously forget I even exist or who I am, even girls I thought I was lowkey friends with. It hurts and it destroys my confidence with women.

    Another thing I need to address is that this grocery store situation you suggested, in reality rarely happens. I've seen an attractive girl at the grocery store I go to maybe like 10% of the time. So I have to wait for that one perfect opportunity to happen? I'll be waiting forever with that kind of mindset/strategy. Besides, nobody I know has met a significant other or sex partner through a cold approach like that.
     

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