Don't bother

I relapsed last time and I know I made a mistake again but I build a streak of 6 days and I feel good about it. IAM not feeling guilty. I learnt from it . The major thing that bothers me is constant thinking of nofap and checking how many days I completed. It was a good day but I endup on wrong side of road. It was one relapse and not a binge so I just re-start the process again without harming the core of nofap. I made a promise that until and unless I complete 15 days of nofap I will not give myself haircut so I will not cut my hair unless I complete the 15 days .

 

Relapsed again after completing one day man it sucks. I shouldn't have relapsed in first place and now again.

 

Recently I stopped writing because I was fed up of constant relapse. So I learnt a lot from relapse and my trigger and lately I stopped whining with my relapse and blaming. I learnt the truth now that it never going to satisfy me no matter what I do . And fapping is a trap that lures you the happiness you want

 

day 1
Nothing new

 

Day 2
Feeling fine

 

Day 3
I feel my responsibilities now. I have grown maturity in my thinking and thoughts.

 

Day 4
I have seen big changes in me. I feel like calm water now. Yet the road is long.

 

So I relapsed last night. I didn't masturbate but I watched porn so it count as a relapse. So I count this act as a relapse because I made a mistake so now I will think before doing this. This are the consequences of watching porn and I must remember that.

 

Day 1
I was off for a while from nofap I didn't binge time number of fap has reduced to one only. I always get through day one to day 5 but after that I give up on nofap endup fapping I need to be serious about it. And I promise this new year I am going to end this fapping for me

 

Relapsed

I relapsed and I don't want to blame it on nothing because I decided to fap there were no major urges it was me. I could have stopped it I let it out. so I planned this relapsed and to get a perfect video to fap I wasted 2 hrs trying to find out perfect video to fap but in the end you end up fapping on some useless videos that are worthless and I used to think that fapping to movie sex scene is not considered as porn but IAM wrong it is porn so no longer watching sex scene to justify my fapping I do fapping because of lot of reasons such as stress,ssolitud,bored etc. If I happen to read this for any reason I want to tell myself that no matter how big you plan your relapse it never going to work so don't waste your time on it. And IAM fully aware to say my future self that I fapped I feel like shit and I am serious about nofap. The first goal is to do nofap for 10 dsys. And I know the urges so tell me that I fapped so I can say it's worth less before fapping I know it is shit and after fapping is also it is shit so know that.

 

Day 4
I was off from nofap for two weeks. Now IAM back to do it for 90 days. I feel good about myself and I know to achieve 90 days I have to crush every urges that comes before me.

 

I relapsed I feel pathetic about myself. For last couple of weeks I was a doing fapping and away from nofap. I thought I don't need to write here I feel it is useless but I was wrong ever since I was circling around fapping no matter what I always fap in the end because I was coward I thought if i stay away from world and some how pass the time I will reach my destination but I know now hiding from world won't help me to achieve my goals but fighting through it will get me to the destination. I feel that it is impossible to live fapping but I have to make it possible. I feel like IAM a different person before and after fapping. I don't want to do this anymore no more relapses no matter what if I again relapse after this I will be no man that's a promise I like to make.

 

Day 1
So things are starting now. I feel alot better today I feel good when IAM clean not clouded by myself. I feel great. The guilt is not there to harrass me. I really want to do this I know that things will get hard on me but I remember some Wouter from a guy that in life you will get many hits on the road but what really matters the most is that you have the power get hit and stand up move forward no matter the number of hits you get it simply makes you stronger and stronger to move forward.

 

Day 2
So today I was hesitate to go to gym I thought I should start from next Monday but then I realised that I have to do it for any further. I feel great when I come from gym it helped me a lot now I feel like I have a purpose in my life like I have important stuff to do. I learnt from today if you wanna achieve something don't wait for today or tomorrow do it right now.

 

Day 3
I was feeling great but IAM seeing highs and lows. I feel different like some is changing inside me and I am not scared of anything. So IAM confused. But I learnt new three important factors 1) which most important thing is to follow is discipline. 2) patience is second most important thing to follow. 3) motivation is third most important thing I didn't but first or second because only motivation cannot give you what you desire. But it is important.

 

Day 4
Last time I relapsed on day 4. Now I completed it. It gives me great pleasure. Today I had a wet dream but I don't remember anything. But I know that it is a part of recovery. I feel normal no high rush or lows just normal. Patience is the key.

 

Day 5
I feel there is no guilt left in me but it's place is taken by empty hole. I don't what i feel about it but it is far better than guilt. I feel like there is no wall holding me now and I should start running but I know that I should have paitence. I should not bother with days but focus on my daily routine.

 

Day 6
I don't know what is happening to me. I am feeling minor urges. Like I want to relapse. Now I know why I always relapse after 6 days. I know that I do it because I can't take it anymore but victory is ahead.

 

Day 7
Today I finally got passed through day 7 for months I was struggling to complete day 7 and now I done it. Now I understand that to break the addiction I should have a mindset that don't allow me to start the nofap. I learn to have patience. The Journey of nofap is started.