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Don’t Wanna Feel Trapped in This Anymore

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Miss Winnie, Mar 23, 2018.

  1. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I’m female & 21.

    I started watching P in high school & well, it all sorta tumbled from there.

    I was raised up Catholic & had always felt ashamed about it until almost 2 years ago. October of 2016, I tried & decided to give up P. I made it a couple months over a year, but being in a relationship, especially with someone who is kinda physical too, the craving intensified. Eventually, we had sex once. I relapsed & started watching P again for a few days & tried to stop again. So far, it’s

    Day 37
    — And I feel okay
    — But a few days ago, I craved it so much
    — I’ll fantasize for a really long time but do nothing about it
    — sometimes I have them dreams of O

    It’s really fricken hard, but I just want to be free from having that urge follow me everywhere I go and in my thoughts. I want to be productive and this right now is not my ideal self. I’m trying to do the 90 day reboot PMO free. Originally, cuz your girl is Catholic, I was gonna do 40 days, but I really don’t think that will do it to break this. Also, I want to have a healthy relationship with my SO. I don’t want to be so desensitized.

    I am gonna try to stay focused & by reading about so many people doing the same, I’m feeling encouraged instead of how discouraged I felt this morning. I’ll also try to wake up & go to sleep right away. Any other tips, send it!
     
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    Welcome! I'm glad you're here. I hope you keep coming back.

    I'm Catholic too; lots of us here are.

    My suggestion is to look at the plans others have framed for themselves. Look around, you'll see a lot of examples. Below is a link to what's working for me.
     
    Miss Winnie likes this.
  3. Liveoak

    Liveoak Fapstronaut

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    I was raised Catholic as well. Was always thought that masturbation was sinful.
    I often wonder if that is a root of my problem. I am having trouble getting started with nodal. Hope that you have good luck
     
  4. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! I looked at your thread of Catholic resources. Encouraging & enlightening w/great logic. Growing up, some Catholics just press the aspect of sin but don’t talk about how this can be harmful to us and our relationships.
     
    Liveoak likes this.
  5. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    End of Day 37 (I had set my timer to midnight & I’m logging before bed)

    Today, I kept busy by going to the gym & being involved on the forum.

    When I began abstaining from pmo, I started to lose A LOT of energy; I just feel so drained. Then, I talk myself out of the gym because I have no energy for a workout. So the cycle would continue. So I’m trying to break that.
    I’m generally an active person so I want to get back to that and feeding a good cycle & plus keep busy.

    I didn’t have strong urges today, yay!

    And you guys talking anout cold showers? That ain’t a joke. I usually shower with steaming hot water & just tried turning it cold to see how badly I would react and sure enough, it’s off putting. Noted.

    Relationship question

    I get more urges/cravings when I’m with my boyfriend. Every time I see him, it’s all whoOoOooo inside. I’m confused if it’s a good or bad thing.
    Good that I react fondly to him?
    Bad because it might feed my sexual desires & cause me to want something but if I don’t get it, I’d M to satisfy myself?

    Thoughts? Tips? Thanks very much.
     
  6. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    End of Day 38

    Felt mostly on edge, stressed, angry today. Could very much be due to a test coming up & it seeming like there’s not enough time to balance school, work, a relationship, and fighting the urges.

    Saw my bf today & I just suggested we go on a walk. Ended up being able to talk more openly about sex & us & intimacy & even masturbation habits & NoFap.

    It was a good day I guess. We were spending a few hours of quality time, nothing too intimate. When he left, I was falling asleep fantasizing about us, but got up after some minutes to take a shower. Even though it’s about us, I have the habit of sitting/laying down & fantasizing so long & it feeds the cravings so yeah.

    Going to bed now, thanks for reading.
     
  7. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Day 39
    Busy again, out & about.

    But the chances I have alone or to tune out, it directly leads to fantasizing. It’s so hard to concentrate in school or to study.
    Frustrated about that but whatever.
     
  8. DoctorShultz

    DoctorShultz Fapstronaut

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    Hey Winnie, I too was raised very Catholic, I was introduced to porn while playing video games, it was fun lastime at first but eventually I came to crave it everyday. I gave up on a lot of things like relationships with friends, school, and worst of all God. Keep going, you won't regret it! Have a nice day.
     
    Miss Winnie likes this.
  9. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much and I love your username lol
     
  10. Welcome. Glad you are here.

    Take some time to read the reboot material and come up with a plan for what you will do when you are faced with urges. It has good advice, so don't skip it! :)

    Perhaps start writing a journal - if you feel comfortable telling people about happened and what's going on now, you will start to feel accountable to them. You may even inspire others. It's a nice feeling! This will help your recovery.

    Read the journals of others - we all learn from each other. Don't just stay within your own age group or part of the world. Read, learn, apply.

    Look around the forums, get to know people. Everyone is friendly, and will try to help you. We're all in the same boat here. :)

    Be kind to others and others will be kind to you.

    I wish you a successful reboot.
     
    Miss Winnie likes this.
  11. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Day 40
    • Started out with a yucky dream & I was super frustrated ‘bout. I’m at the point where I don’t want any sex dreams right now.
    • Before my 8am class, those thoughts were creeping back in & I was literally saying stop it stop it trying to stop it in its tracks...practice makes progress.
    • Swimming & water polo got my mind off it. Thank God for some sun this week; my mood gets better with it. Also, during water polo, because I’m a noob at it, this guy was pushing my body back and forth in my designated position during practice games; he was tryna help me out & tell me where to go.
    • Random, but that & the memory of it got me through the rest of the day without any fantasizing bout pmo. Just daydreaming and reliving the memory.
    • I studied or tried to & got tired by 8pm. It’s 11 now and off to sleep.
    HUZZAH
     
  12. Congratulations on day 40 and for sharing how it went. We can all learn a lot from each other. And very encouraging to see how a difficult start to the day does not mean that we are guaranteed to fail.

    Thanks for sharing. I've learned something useful.
     
    Miss Winnie likes this.
  13. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Day 41

    A looooooong day. Was on campus from 930 am to 930 pm. Good news was that I was busy the whole day to not have time to fantasize. Exercise, check. Studying & assignments, check. Pretty productive (I’M so GLAD!) The thing I really hated was how I felt like I was wasting my time sitting/lying down just fantasizing.

    HOWEVER, I am noting that when I got REALLY tired, like by 730, 8pm, my mind started to drift to fantasizing & I did try to stop. Just now I know that when I’m like brain dead, that’s where my thoughts would want to shift.

    Peace out, stay strong, HUZZAH
     
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  14. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Day 42 - happy I made it so far & all

    Like really happy. And today was a good day. Water polo. I keep thinking about that guy (even though I have a bf). Not sexually or anything, but I guess I’m happy to be noticed??? I hope it’s not a joke or anything. Okay, is that bad? Do you need more context?

    ANYWAY, pretty much no sexual thoughts today, YAY!!

    And I went out with my cousin and friend to watch Love, Simon. Pretty surprised at how it turned out. I enjoyed it.
     
    RedeemedIowan likes this.
  15. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Day 43

    I had A LOT of free time since I only had 1 class at 7pm today. Shi*, I was almost full on fantasizing...about the guy who’s NOT my bf, ughhhhh!!!!! Like not very sexual, but like hanging out & at most kissing.

    I need to stop thinking about him, but he’s so fricken cute. Like I should just tell myself he has a gf or something & get over it.

    Other than that, successful. Besides doing nothing, I went to the gym.
     
  16. Hey @Miss Winnie,

    Pages 22 and 23 of the Getting Started With NoFap Reboot advice has got great advice on how to quickly interrupt your train of thought, giving you time to change it.

    Keep going, 44 days clean is a great achievement!
     
    Miss Winnie likes this.
  17. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Day 45 - started off well & now so down

    • Worked out with a group of girls, which is great because I don’t have many girl friends & don't go out much (though I’m okay with not going out; I don’t fear missing out)
    • Went to work - kept busy
    • Went home, showered, church
    • Here’s the kicker. Cool, church. Yay, get to see my SO. But I got so down just not feeling the love lately. You can say whatever you want via text but when you’re in person, I feel like that’s what really matters.
    • So I thought about the other guy for a bit & how it would be with him, but trying to snap out of it ‘cause it does me no good. Trying to not be mad. No urges, just anger & jealousy.
    • Can’t concentrate on homework right now so I’m trying to go to bed.
    • I usually wake up feeling better & SO & I are supposed to go to a movie tomorrow. I hope that time together helps.
     
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  18. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    By the way, I ended up reading the whole thing! It’s great information.
     
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  19. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Day 46 - MUCH. BETTER.

    So as you may have read earlier, I was so angry & bitter yesterday & then this morning on the drive to go see a movie with my bf, I was still angry & had all this pent up energy.
    • So we watch Ready Player One (which I really recommend by the way - especially if you dig 80s music + culture) and I feel much better after
    • I tried to stop wanting/expecting intimacy/affection from him (not like I don’t want it, but I don’t want my mind on making out/sex whenever we hang out) & it helped me to enjoy my day with him more
    • No urges, very little time for fantasy; it was a good day
    Hope you guys had a good day/Easter
     
  20. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Day 48

    Been laser focused with a midterm coming up among other things so I’m trying to do the mostest right now haha

    There are rare breaks I take where I am still thinking, but now, of madeup scenarios again. Not anything sexual, just negative/sad/angry situations that probably don’t have any truth to them. They make me heated for some reason and they’re not even real.

    But other than that, success feels good. Cheers.
     
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