Do you guys have tips to deal with loneliness?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Derikronald101, Jun 20, 2017.

  1. Derikronald101

    Derikronald101 New Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone. I'm 20 and haven't had friends since middle school. Now in college. I been a loner since high school. Still a virgin and never had a girlfriend. I don't know how to make friends. I make small talk to people here and there but we never reach that friend level. I've also been cold approaching women but mostly get rejected. Those that give me their number keep it short with me. I'm on day 60 of nofap. So far no benefits or success stories. I thought it would help with women.
     
    Maddey likes this.
  2. I don't know how to make friends either.
    Maybe we can start? What do you like?
     
    Maddey likes this.
  3. Code Hero

    Code Hero Fapstronaut

    Check out some youtube videos on opening up your body language. Smile often, compliment people. It sounds like you are aggressively pursuing friendships, but if you are just nice to people, volunteer for stuff, and pursue your passions, people will start to gravitate towards you. And your body language will be key to making you open up. And keep your expectations low at first, friendships take time and you will have more fleeting ones than deep ones, but you will find friends.

    Find something you love (that is healthy and safe) and start going to events: do you cook? take a class. Do you work out? join a boxing club. Find something, and then find a group of people that are into the same thing. College student with no money? Go to your campus student center and find out what wacky free things are going on.

    Just don't turn to the pixellated enemy. Stay strong.
     
    Kajz and nfam like this.
  4. Koloz

    Koloz Fapstronaut

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    Im pretty much the same way. Im 21 no real friends since middle school but not as much as a loner as I use to be. All I can say is find a good hobby for yourself. Im taking up martial arts and weight lifting.
     
    Kajz likes this.
  5. Maddey

    Maddey Fapstronaut

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    I'm 26 and after my graduation i've had no close frnds. juz frnds or acquaintances. but if u go out and do some things in life anything hobbies, career work, etc u will find some people that may become ur best frnds.
     
    pukernast17, Mixtec and Kajz like this.
  6. Kajz

    Kajz Fapstronaut

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    Hi! I just want to share some of my thoughts to you :)

    I want to tell you that having a lot of friends isn't the answer to loneliness.

    Ever since I was young, I enjoyed being in the company of many people. I considered them as my friends. I had so many group of friends in Grade school, High school, College and even in Grad school. In between the realities of life, I knew I was lonely despite having a lot of friends.

    Through time, I have found out that the source of our happiness is not our friends but the way we treat ourselves. Do not get me wrong. Having a real friend is great. But even the fact of having one is not and should not be the source of our happiness. For the past 2 years, I have been trying to improve myself in different aspects of my life. I try to be a better version of me everyday. Being single is a blessing. This is a chance to take care of yourself and to know who you really are. If you are single, do not divert your attention to other people, but focus on yourself. Believe me, the real friends will come automatically. Go jog, paint, sing, play a sport, study or write.

    The real source of happiness is being yourself and being content. Be passionate in what you do. Improve yourself daily. By doing this you will attract the right people. If the people around you sees that you are loving the things that you do and you have the passion in doing it, they will be attracted to you.

    In the event that a friend shows up or introduces himself/herself to you, treasure them but never change for them. By treasuring them means you have to respect them. They should also respect you.

    Join an accountability group and this will not only help you meet new people. This will also help you to abstain from PMO.

    God bless you!
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2017
    Mixtec, _soul, Anders Dahl and 3 others like this.
  7. Salt

    Salt Fapstronaut

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    Hey Kajz!

    It's great insight and advice you got here. Thanks for sharing it! :)

     
  8. Kajz

    Kajz Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your kind words! :)
     
  9. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    Wow man,,,thanks
     
  10. Powerous

    Powerous Fapstronaut




    I could not have said this better myself THANK YOU. You have inspired me now.
     
  11. leo15

    leo15 Fapstronaut

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    True. I'm 22 years old and have alot of friends, many trust me as their true and best friends but i always feel lonely. The only times that i feel complete and confident is when i stick to a strict diet and workout program, which i barely manage to keep for a few days. Then its back to square one of being lonely.
    But whatever anyone says, i really wish i had a friend who i could trust and tell and speak about literally everything and anything. That i'm sure in my case would never make me feel lonely again.
     
    Kajz likes this.
  12. T-RD

    T-RD Fapstronaut

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    I feel for you guys and relate really closely. The only thing I can share from my 25 years is to try to promote self love in your life. Find those difficult things to accept, forgive and fight against within yourself. The more you come to discover what you enjoy in your life and consciously gravitate towards it, whether it be hobbies, education, physical activity, religion or some kind of social gathering, the less power loneliness, addiction, mental illness and a bunch of other negative influences has over you, at least that's how it's gone for me.

    I remember a time when I felt I had no one, sometimes I actually had no one to turn to, more recently, I had a strong support system but still felt isolated. In part it's a natural result from addictions. Another big thing that has helped me is shutting out the screaming voices that tell me no one loves me, that keep me from reaching out to others, by actually reaching out to people I want to spend time with and get to know. There's a lot of rejection, and pain, but honestly, by reaching out to tons of people, some good, many crappy overtime, I can say I have at least 2-3 really good friends out of 5-10 people, and that's enough for me.

    And I just realized Kajz said the same thing in a more eloquent manner LOL! In any case, all the best, things can get better! :)
     
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  13. Kajz

    Kajz Fapstronaut

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    @Powerous and @hollyman thank you for your kind words! I am glad to have helped somehow :)
     
    Anders Dahl and Powerous like this.
  14. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

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    Hey man! TW, 30, still virgin, only had one girlfriend - nice to "meet" you! What....what are you wondering or having a difficult time with?
     
  15. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Enroll at a nearby authentic Boxing gym. Learn the sweet science.
     
    Kajz likes this.
  16. spin89

    spin89 Fapstronaut

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    Hey pal 60 days!! You must be in an immaculate state of physical wellbeing. Sorry to hear about your issues haven't we all got them? I'm on day - 0 myself and do relatively well in my opinion regards PMO. I certainly don't go in for three times a day but I has definitely been done before. (lies to self)

    Regards your feelings of loneliness or whatever get a dream or a hobby and develop a hell bent interest in it.
    As for making friends I'd suggest not using smalltalk at all we are all wired in our own special ways
    Hope this helps
     
  17. Fightthedevil

    Fightthedevil Fapstronaut

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    Sorry For My English.

    Loneliness Is negative only if you see it that way.There is nothing much more peaceful than solitude,especially if you introvert.All the time when you think you are lonely you can use it to acquire some new skills like i literally had one friend who went abroad for studies.After work i come home i work out for 1 or 1.5 hours.Then practice piano and these days i am learning AI.So what i want to say is it all really comes down to you.TBH i don't promote socializing but if you want you can do it.I think that no one out there really understands us.That's we all are gathered here on this forum.I have talked to my Sister,GF and quite a few people about PMO Addiction and no,no one understands.Period.

    FEW TIPS-
    1.Surpress The Thought That You Are Lonely.Be Productive.Keep Yourself engaged in any kinda work.
    2.Get A DOG.My Life changed after getting mine.Best Realtionship there ever will be for me. <3
    3.RUN RUN RUN RUN.Running acts much better than any anti depressant out there.I had severe depression,thank to running i am much better now.
    4.Learn Some New Skills.Whatever you are interested in.
    5.FUCK WHAT PEOPLE SAY.If you are not in a relationship doesn't mean you are unlovable.
    6.Practice your skills.After my break up,it was 5 months ago.Yesterday was the first time i actually talked to a woman and realized geez i have lost my touch.Don't Givee up if you are rejected,there is someone out there who will understand you.

    Peace Out.
     

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