Do you binge when you relapse?

I've been on NoFap since July, and since then, I've had periods of abstinence and relapses. When I relapse, yes I binge. I've also noticed that the periods of abstinence make the binging worse than if I did not do the period of abstinence. While on NoFap, during my binges I've even progressed to other kind of porn that I was repulsed by previously. So all around, if I'm trying abstinence, I have to go all the way, because relapsing is so much worse. I don't know what it is. I think during these relapses, I allow myself to "indulge" even more than usual, because I've abstained and know I will probably try to abstain again eventually. Like I'm trying to make my relapses "count", so I go all out with them. And that is really not good for the overall recovery

 

I almost always binge when I relapse. Probably 5-6 times over the course of a couple days (usually weekends). I usually have one session where I edge for awhile and then feel like a piece of shit afterwards and decide to get myself together again, only to repeat and rinse. I sometimes wonder if I was better off before I started nofap. I should also mention that I experience 2-3 days of terrible insomnia once I restart a new streak. I relapsed last night and today so it looks like I won't be getting much sleep tonight.