Do you believe in marriage?

if they want an open relationship dump them, and about marriage, you dont know if it is going to work out, all you can do is date someone for atleast a couple years, study them, see how well you guys get along, politics and religion do matter btw, they have big influence on how you raise your kids, its best finding someone with similar beliefs to you. Dont marry someone based on looks alone, personality is very important and you want someone you will be content with, attraction does matter obviously, if i cant stand looking at someone or i cant lust after them than the fire in the relationship will inevitably die, this all might sound extreme but marriage should not be taken lightly, i do recommend it however if you are at that stage of your life and ready to settle down, trust me if they are the one than you will know.

 

Yes, I totally and completely believe in marriage. I do NOT believe that any couple who wants to should just run off and get married. I have no problem with two people looking at marriage if they truly want to commit only to each other and are responsible enough to get married, both mentally and financially.

I have been married for over 21 years now and its never going to be fun all the time. (Anyone who says the opposite is true has either been married only an hour, or they're lying to keep their own faults secret.) The secret to a long lasting marriage is that there is no secret. The way to do it is as plain as day. Two people have to stay with each other and not run away at the first (or any) sign of trouble. They especially don't run and complain about their marital problems to a person of the opposite sex. They confide in someone who won't run their mouth or betray trust bestowed in them, and they never tear their spouse down to anyone, with or without the spouse being there.

 

Marriage is a time waste.
Why do i need this big event to show my love to someone?

No thanks.

 

@Hizzo I think you're confusing weddings with marriage.

If society put half the work we put into marriage that we put into weddings, the world would be a better place

 

It both seems useless to me honestly..

 

Marriage is a legal contract between two people, and it is a commitment. It's not about showing your love.

The contract is there to protect both of you and any children.

If you are after a long-term commitment, marriage makes sense.

Open relationships are another matter. I'm not one to judge; morally, there's nothing wrong with an open relationship if both partners genuinely want this and there is no deceit.

From what I've read, it is usually unhealthy for a long-term relationship, but of course you will find exceptions. An example that I've come across is where two people love each other and want to stay together, but one partner has lost all interest in sex.

 

In all honesty. Marriage is a waste of time. It means absolutely nothing. You can love someone with all your heart and not want to marry them. You can marry someone and not even love them.

Most people are in love with the idea of being married more than the actual act itself. They think that with marriage comes all this other stuff. Ya know, the house, the children, the white picket fence and the dog. But you can have all of that without a piece of paper that says you’re married. Because in the end. That’s all marriage is, a piece of paper. What happens when the married couple no longer want to be together? Oh, they wish that they didn’t have a piece of paper binding them together...

 

That's true if it's just a couple of people sharing rented accommodation with few shared possessions.

But what if they have a shared mortgage? Many shared possessions? Children? One partner has invested their life to support their partner, looking after the children, and has no assets, while the partner then cheats and abandons the family?

Without the protection of the marriage contract, one of the partners holds all the cards while the other is left vulnerable and in desperate straits through the fault of the other.

Marriage serves a genuine purpose.

 

its an act of binding two as one, its not some small event.

 

I completely agree. I'd also like to add that most of the stickiness that comes from trying to "get rid of that piece of paper" and get divorced (except, perhaps, for issues with custody over children, though whether or not you ought to have children is a very different question than whether or not you ought to get married) can be resolved by thinking ahead and signing a prenuptial agreement with your partner before marrying them. I wouldn't marry someone without getting one of those, and if my partner is uncomfortable with that idea, then I simply won't marry them. It's a dealbreaker for me in that respect.

I think the one thing that I find really silly about marriage (at least in the US) is that you can't visit someone you love if they wind up in a coma in the ER unless they're a blood-relative or you're married to them. I think that, once you turn 18, you should be able to create your own list of people who are allowed to visit you in an emergency at the hospital. If there's a concern that your spouse wouldn't be on that list for some reason, we can keep the current system as well and have your spouse automatically added to the list as soon as you marry them. That whole thing never made sense to me.

 

My wife and I don't believe in marriage. We married for visa and tax reasons.

What I do believe is that probably for most people it is better to have a stable relationship that lasts for years. I would be a very sad person indeed if I wouldn't have my wife.

Open relationships? I think neither the system of monogamy nor that of polyamory works. Nothing works, because we are human.

I have this idea that humans naturally want to form longterm bonds with another person, a monogamous relationship. But at the same time, humans want to have sex with as many people as they can. A contradiction that people live with.

Monogamy does not work because people get bored of each other, want to have an adventure with someone else, etc.

Polyamory can easily lead to problems because of jealousy, someone may feel left behind, etc.

Many people are living lifestyles that are not polyamorous, but are also not monogamous. Swingers, for example. I think that is a healthy relationship choice, but not everybody wants to or can go that way. Of course, that also does not guarantee the loving relationship that lasts a lifetime. Nothing does.

 

Well said.

It is the human condition to feel like something is missing. You could have exactly the job you want only to find out that it brings new responsibilities you didn't anticipate. You could have exactly the sort of relationship you want (whether it's polyamarous or monogamous) only to find that it creates new problems that weren't there before. You could have as much money as you want only to find out that nothing you could purchase would ever truly make you feel fulfilled. You could climb Mt. Everest only to see that the Moon is higher up than that.

I wish that all of us could just have all of our desires fulfilled immediately, so that we could see that that's just not the answer. Desire frustrates us, it makes us feel like we have something missing in our lives, but we wouldn't really be human if we didn't have it.

 

Marriage is fighting two together for a common goal. Sharing happiness and aflicctions too, and improving one another, learning from one another and learning to love when the other even seems to not deserve it. Also learning to be humble when you are not right.

If only looking for easy happiness and romantic love in marriage, that is not just it. There are hard times, but in that you can test your loyalty, your inconditional love, and grow as a person as you also help your spouse grow and she/he helps you too.

So yes, I believe in marriage. But it is certainly not for everyone. If you are only seeking for superficial love, happiness and an easy pleasurable thing, look somewhere else.

 

I totally don't believe in marriage, and i don't even believe in relationships between male and female.

I'm a son of divorced parents, i totally don't believe in relationship.

 

Life would be a lot more fun if marriage didn't exist.

 

Could you elaborate?

 

I believe in marriage.

 

I never saw positive romantic relationships in my family growing up and when I realized I was a lesbian, I lost all hope in ever having that kind of societal stability and role as a wife.

I think that marriage as an institution is fraught with a great deal of baggage, it's often been a gatekeeping tool for dominant groups in society. Consider laws against mixed-race marriage, gay marriage, or cultures that allow old men to marry little girls.
It's fucked up.

Even so, I still am not opposed to marriage. As a Christian, I view marriage not solely as a social institution but also as a union of two people before God. It's binding and functions as a unifying and cementing factor in your community. I think if I built a positive and long-term relationship with someone and we wanted to settle down and adopt, marriage would definitely be on the table.

I think that it is important to recognize the flaws in the concept of marriage but that doesn't mean you have to dismiss it entirely.

 

Word.
You just explained my exact situation & how screwed I'd be without that piece of paper.