DO NOT FEEL ALONE ,YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH HOCD

The best way to overcome OCD is 'exposure therapy'. Talk to a therapist and look into it. Don't be embarrassed; they deal with even worse things than HOCD. If you can't afford to see a therapist then you can try exposure therapy on yourself. First things first, no, you cannot just "ignore the thoughts". This actually makes the OCD worse. You need to expose yourself to your fear in limited doses, and when the obsessive thought inevitably pops up, you 'agree and amplify' with it in your head. Look at a picture of some buff dude and think "wow he's so hot I'm totally gay for him lmao". Note: this won't make you gay. HOCD doesn't turn you gay. The exposure therapy merely makes it so that your brain stops freaking out over the obsessive thoughts. Eventually they will fade away this way.

 

I agree with you. But people must to be careful with this. That kind of exposure must be done in a controlled environment like in a therapy but not by ourself. Yesterday I came across some videos of men trying to enlarge their penis on youtube, I didn't even know it was allowed to show that kind of stuff on youtube. Anyway, at that time I didn't feel anything, but there were other videos of men like that and I decided myself to stop checking even Im not feeling nothing, because for me it could be only an excuse for heavier material.
And guess what tonight I had a wet dream with guys having sex with each other.

Im trying to meditate and find the source of my low self steam, and figure out why men figures are so important in my life. For me when I see other guys is like I could disappear and become the man Im looking at. I can feel his power I can be myself through him, as if I only have sexual freedom through another male figure. There is a book called "Shame and attachment loss" that can explain most of these symptoms.

Ive being struggling with this issue since I was a kid. I had a trauma when I was like 5y.o and since then I've been looking for myself my own identity, I hope I can find real freedom before I die and I don't end up alone because of my problem with my sexuality and low self steam.

 

Yeah I have it pretty bad too. What's funny is I have absolutely no problem with possibly being gay or bisexual, never been a homophobe because really its so dumb to think you are better for liking girls when its not something you earned or chose but rather an innate trait. Its all the same to me because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, woman are only attractive because of someones perspective, its not a universal thing, so any attempt to deny your attractions is just counterproductive, especially if you're gay cause its so much easier to get laid when you don't have to deal with hypergamy lol.

I use to never think much about my sexuality because I fapped to so much bizarre porn, the gay stuff just sort of got lost in a sea of animal/vomit/scat/hentai/rape/etc porn, and once I walked away from the PC I was only attracted to girls, not a single crush on male classmates or friends. But over time transwoman porn kind of came out into the light and the infamous "r traps gay" debates began, and with so many people saying that you're gay for liking traps and transwomen, and me not really having any reason to defend my heterosexuality, insecurity became inevitable. The thing is it wasn't the possibility of being gay that bothered me, It was the thought that I could have something so deeply buried within me without even realizing it, like my whole life had been a lie, it ruined a lot of my self trust and made me constantly question myself. Suddenly I'm double checking to make sure I'm not attracted to random guys and the conclusion is always no, but its difficult to avoid thinking about it because actively avoiding the thoughts makes me feel like some guy in denial, and confronting the thoughts always leads me nowhere.

I'm no expert in sexuality so I can't say what's going on, maybe we are just very repressed and in denial, or maybe its possible to fap to things that aren't necessarily congruent with your orientation, but I think the world just isn't ready to accept the latter.

 

I have it pretty bad too. I be having butterflies and all types of feelings like if I really want to be in a relationship with a dude. I know its all HOCD so I think positive. It gives me so much anxiety, but I try my best to let the thoughts come and go because I know its hocd. I learned that HOCD will give you all types of thoughts, feelings, and urges. Sometimes when I ride the train to work and back from work a random dude gets on and my brain keeps telling me to look at him or I check myself to see if I'm attracted or not. I also double check the way I speak and walk. It got so bad that I even avoid certain type of clothing like pink and etc. The more you win the battle against HOCD the stronger it gets because it tries to pull you in.

 

What helps the ocd fade away is when I exercise and do all the hobbies I love.

 

@RRMADERA What I use to battle HOCD is all the memories I had in high school of girls. Me watching the cheer leaders and everything. I learned that the number one rule of overcoming HOCD is if you say you're straight then you're straight.. You can't turn gay overnight. If you've been straight then you will stay straight. HOCD tricks me with the butterflies, thoughts, feelings, and urges and etc but I know I will overcome it and you all will too. Remember all these attractions and feelings are all false. It wants to trick you. STAY STRONG! Your addiction is a monster. It doesn't want you to move on!

 

We should post from time to time since we are all suffering from the same disorder. I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem.

 

Your welcome brotha.

 

I never had hocd, and never watched gay porn. Never was confused about sexuality at all. But being totally wasted i found a transwoman streethooker in thailand. I thought ''fuck it'' That was the beginning of this hel. The idea that i have been with a man haunts me every single day. It never cam up on my mind to do something before. And the worst thing is i got awful hocd since then, gay fantasies who gives me a faster O when M. Depression.

 

We are all in the same boat as you @DayDreamer. HOCD is a monster. It can trick you in every way and make you think and feel things you have never thought you would before.