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Do I need to reset my counter/possible relapse

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by TurnedOff, May 5, 2017.

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  1. TurnedOff

    TurnedOff Fapstronaut

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    Hey ya'll, I reached 50 days of no PMO and I am very proud of the journey that I took to get here. Before this journey I was doing some pretty bad stuff. I would dowlosd photos of hot friends and post them on 4chan. Really disgusting and terrible and I had nothing but guilt and shame over my head. I then decided to put my heart and soul into the road to recovery. This morning I looked up old photos that I had posted (Non nude) and my heart beated incredibly fast. Thankfully I was doing this in public rather than my own apartment. Anyway, I did not masturbate. Strangely enough I didn't feel an urge to fap but dread and anxiety instead. Thankfully I found nothing. I felt physically awful from searching for 5 minutes. Should I reset my counter? I'd like some advice. Thanks.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  2. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman

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    Resetting your counter is up to you.

    Things to consider:

    Why did you look up these photos?

    Are these photos PSUBS? (P substitues, such a bikini pics for instance)

    Did you know ahead of time that looking at these would cause a rise? If so, did you choose to look at them in order to get that rise?

    What are your terms for your reboot?
     
    Matrix Intel and TurnedOff like this.
  3. TurnedOff

    TurnedOff Fapstronaut

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    I looked up these photos to make sure they would not/did not surface on any sort of archive website.
    None of the photos were bikini photos, most of them were just selfies mainly no body just face.
    I didn't get hard from looking at the photos but I did know it was probably not the best thing to do. But I looked them up for the purpose of deleting if any photos happened to have popped up on an archive site so it does not effect their future.
    My terms for reboot are simple: I don't want to watch porn, masturbate, or save/download photos of girls that I may or may not know and share them with random strangers. Those are my terms.

    I just felt awful about what I've done and I really dont want to hurt others and I certainly dont want to hurt myself.


     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  4. J247

    J247 Fapstronaut

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    I've had those dopamine rushes before from random non porn related thoughts or pics. I didn't reset my overall counter, but created new counters from abstaining from those things as well.

    That's pretty F'd up though. Glad you understand the shame with that. I'd speak with someone about that like a priest or something because that will haunt you for a long time until you get over it. I've never done something like that, but have had demons that always stuck around for years until I was able to tell it to someone. Maybe just telling it on here is good enough though.
     
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  5. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman

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    The fact that you are trying to correct your behavior, and that you were thinking of protecting innocent people is a good mitigating factor. If you have an AP, I would discuss it with them, perhaps make a rule that you have to inform them that you're going to do something like that so you aren't tempted. I "get permission" from my AP every time I have to test my porn blocking plan.
     
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  6. TurnedOff

    TurnedOff Fapstronaut

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    I certainly talk to my friends about it, therapists, funny enough one of my friends is a priest. So I definitely have told them and they know my struggle. And I'm certainly no stranger to shame. Thank you for your advice
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  7. TurnedOff

    TurnedOff Fapstronaut

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    Yes I think that'd be helpful. I have 2 but both of them are sort of AWOL. I hope to find one soon that I confide in. Thank you very much for your honesty friend.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  8. LoyalKnight

    LoyalKnight Fapstronaut

    It is absolutely up for you. I would say do not, some may say do reset it. Listen to your inner self, and you will do the just thing.

    You said you looked them up. Cannot you delete the pics of your friends you posted on 4chan instead? Sorry, I may have misunderstood it, I have no idea what 4chan is or how it works.
     
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  9. TurnedOff

    TurnedOff Fapstronaut

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    The way 4chan works is in anonynity and imperminance. Once a thread reaches its limits all content in the thread automatically get deleted. However some people create archive sites to store and save such threads that have been deleted. As for thd pictures on the archive sites:they are all deleted because I have gone back in the past to try and right my wrongs but I still feel paranoia and anxiety not just for me but for the others. Thank you for your advice friend.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  10. Arthurtheking

    Arthurtheking Fapstronaut

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    of course you dont.

    saw a girl in bikini accidentally
    @
    counter reset !!!11
     
    TurnedOff likes this.
  11. The best way to look at nofap is the ratio of PM days to non-PM days. It's all about perserverance. For instance, if one goes 100 days and then relapses, they will not be back to square one, not even close. As I've said before, the real devil is the addiction. Also treat it like an alcohol addiction: That one little relapse can and will lead to binging.
     
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  12. TurnedOff

    TurnedOff Fapstronaut

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    Thank you both very much for your input. I feel a lot better than how I felt earlier
     
    Matrix Intel likes this.
  13. Your brain, or mind, whatever you prefer, will get right back on the wagon if you continue to abstain. Afterall, you have done 50 days, so that is hard wired in your brain pretty well. Enforce it.
     
    TurnedOff likes this.
  14. Arthurtheking

    Arthurtheking Fapstronaut

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