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Do I have HOCD?

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Mattsfreedom, Jul 3, 2018.

  1. Mattsfreedom

    Mattsfreedom Fapstronaut

    I will try to explain this the best way possible. It's a question i'm kind of terrified to ask on here because I think everyone will say I am gay. I can not see myself with another man and can't imagine being with another man, but I have watched gay porn in the past and it constantly comes back to me in my thoughts over and over again. I have never masturbated to a physical man I know just to these specific porn videos. Then after that I will feel compelled to watch straight porn.

    When I was a kid the first crushes that I remember was in second grade and my third grade teacher I was crazy about. I clearly remember all the girls I have ever had the hots for from then on. I have always been extremely shy around women though and even to this day if I see some girls I work with that are hot I feel all my muscles tense up and my mind just shuts off. In my head i'm thinking that must mean I'm gay, but if that's the case then why did I tense up and not able to talk to them?

    Also The last 3 girls I have had sex with I couldn't finish with I could get a erection and stay hard but could not reach orgasm. I can't explain how embarrassing this was for me I just felt completely blank while having sex with them. Is it because I'm gay or is it because I didn't know them? I just know i'm not gay I even tried to accept that I am gay and it just felt weird like I was lying to myself. I know i'm attracted to women I just fucking know it but these questioning thoughts and the gay porn that keeps popping up in my head feels like it's driving me nuts. Sometimes these thoughts go on all day and I can't focus on work or anything else it's fucking madness. I feel stuck in this cycle and can't get out. To finish this off I have nothing against homosexuality nor I am I implying that in this post. To be honest im just trying to reach out and get rid of this constant shit in my head, because to be honest im tired of being alone constantly in my head about this shit nd I feel like im at the end of the road.

    Thanks to anyone who read the full post and my rambling.
     
  2. Headspace likes this.
  3. That's because YOU ARE NOT GAY.

    TOO MUCH PORN. I had the same thing for decades - and that was with just magazines. peep shows, video tapes and DVDs.
    See the link from my previous post. Guys come in here with this all the time. When they stop using porn for a while, it goes away. But, as noted in the link above, at first it can get worse, because doing NoFap can initially increase anxiety. You must dismiss these intrusive thoughts for the nonsense they are. Again, see the link I posted above.
     
    Headspace likes this.
  4. I have no experience with such problems, but I have carefully familiarize with your thread and I wish you good luck and look forward your success.
     
  5. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    @Immature is completely right. Similar questions about HOCD arise frequently here, which is why I put a link to a post of mine in my signature. Click it if you like.
     

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