Dizzy's Summer Challenge

Discussion in 'Under 20' started by Dizzy Lotus, Jun 30, 2018.

  1. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys! [​IMG] (and gals [​IMG])
    Today is day 2 of my summer challenge. I decided to create a new thread, so people can more easily follow along if they want to!
    First, a little bit about myself, for those who don't know me: I am now 19 years old and I have been battling my porn addiction for over 4 years. I am Christian, and can't beat this addiction out of my own strength: I need the Holy Ghost. I am autistic, highly intelligent and hypersensitive. The latter makes it very easy to relapse when I've had a lot of impressions made on me: I get tired and exhausted quickly. Oh, and I am Dutch. I learnt English mostly from practice on the internet, and a bit at school.

    The day before yesterday, my year ended. I did a unique education of one year, that teaches a lot of different things, from a Christian perspective. It was great! [​IMG] One week before, after another relapse, I started making plans for this challenge. I did relapse three or four times (I took count, but I haven't got my notebook here right now) before I decided that I would start early. This means today is only day 2, but I've been clean for a couple of days more.

    So here's what I'm going to do: I won't relapse. For as long as possible. And relapse, to me in this challenge, means having orgasm while I'm awake. So no masturbation without porn either.
    I made a document in Dutch, that describes my approach.
    I as such don't think I need to write it out in its entirety here. I'll explain parts when they're relevant. [​IMG]
    What I will say now is that every morning, as the first thing I do on the internet, besides optionally checking and sending messages on Hangouts, is write here, in anticipation of the day.
    Every evening that I use the internet between 8 and 9 o'clock (which will be most evenings), I will write a post here, looking back on my day.
    Sounds good, right? [​IMG]


    I've got friends to help me along, and I wish to tell my mother as well (I usually don't tell her about things related to my addiction), but it could really help to have some people following along here as well! [​IMG]
     
  2. Moon Shot

    Moon Shot Fapstronaut

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    Yep, all the best, mate, all the best. :)
     
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  3. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    I had a very good day! I didn't do too much productive stuff, but a lot of fun things! After waking up I played the video game I got for my graduation, with my siblings, which was very nice. In the morning I went in-line skating with my sister, I've only done it a couple of times before, but she was able to teach me relatively quickly. [​IMG]
    In the afternoon and evening I watched quite some SGDQ, and this evening/night I am going to watch more. [​IMG]
    See you tomorrow!
     
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  4. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    I went to bed rather late for my habits (after 11 o'clock), but I also woke up at half past eight, which is an hour later than I usually do. [​IMG]
    I am looking forward to today!
    In the evening, I will take a shower: I normally do this on Tuesday, Fridays and Sundays. I will mention this here every morning, as taking a shower has historically been a time for me to relapse. But not now! [​IMG]
    Besides posting here in the morning, and when plans change and I take a shower without I was planning to, I also send Z, one of my best friends, a message just before I take preparations (get clothes and towel et cetera) for showering. If while writing that message I feel that I am likely to relapse, I can do something about it. [​IMG]
    So that's an explanation of the showering part!
    This is Day 3, and have a good one! [​IMG]
     
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  5. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    During part of the morning, I didn't feel very good. But my family helped me to get through it. And the rest of the day I did well. [​IMG] I even was able to handle my 12-year old brother not feeling too good around dinner time.
     
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  6. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    This morning was the first difficult bit, trigger-wise! I had two dry dreams, in both I was going to relapse but didn't, in the first because I didn't want to, in the second because my mother disturbed me. [​IMG] I am very glad neither were real, and I hope that in real life I wouldn't let it get this far!
    And I was able to show shortly after, as after waking up a bit early (but I don't mind today) I decided to get a bit more awake before going downstairs, as some of my family would already be up, as my brother and sister go to school. So I figured I'd finish reading the Donald Duck story I started before sleeping. And now it just so happened that this story featured sirens... [​IMG] Of course, Donald Duck doesn't allow nudity so these sirens wore sea-shell bras, but that was still quite the trigger, especially after two dry dreams and lying in bed with only underpants! But I did not make stimulating moves at all, I read a few tiles and then decided to get out of bed and write down the trigger in my notebook. [​IMG]
    Since September, I've used a notebook to write down triggers and difficulties. It is now in its second incarnation, and I will keep using it during this challenge also! [​IMG]

    Today my mother and I go to the city where I'm going to study next year, for an appointment with someone that I don't really feel like explaining, as it doesn't seem necessary right now. [​IMG] But that's why I didn't mind waking up early. I'd like to have some time to carefully pack, we've got a long train travel coming up. [​IMG]
     
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  7. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Whoops, almost forgot to post. [​IMG]
    The appointment went well. I am very tired now, but I'm fine urge-wise. This was day 4. [​IMG]
     
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  8. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    I am not quite consistently posting here as the first thing I do on the internet. Which is understandable, as as I turn on my iPad, I see a lot of notifications, and as I open my browser, I'll see my last opened page. Still, I should try to keep doing it as early as I remember, so it can't go wrong on the internet before posting here (as if I do come across a trigger, surely I'll remember that I should post then, I hope).
    This is day 5, and I'm not sure on the contents of it. My mother was very tired from yesterday (and my father is not alive on this earth) so it's a big mess here (I was also too tired to clean up anything that wasn't mine). But I can probably deal with it, at my own home it's sometimes a mess also. [​IMG]
    I have got one idea: I got my uncle's Wii a while ago, as they don't use it anymore since they've got three Xbox 360's (yes, three). So now I've got 2, and I'm going to take my self-bought one with me to my own home (I do still need to get a television, but my mother and I got me a shelf last Friday), and set up my uncle's for my family to use if they want, and for me if I'm here. That should be a fun project, I hope. [​IMG]
     
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  9. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    I forgot to say, I'll shower today! That rhymes. [​IMG]
    I did some outside work this morning. It was quite stressful to start, but with help from my mother I was able to get going, and it fortunately went well. [​IMG]
     
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  10. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday I actually didn't post in the evening, but that's because I was watering the crops at my grandmother's, and then playing piano! [​IMG]
    I didn't shower, I decided to do it today instead, so I can shower Saturday instead of Friday, as I've got big things planned on Friday and Sunday. [​IMG]
    This morning I was going to see my sister off, she's going to an island with school. She was stressed apparently, as she got in a fight with me, in which I made mistakes also. She said I couldn't come with her anymore but I wanted to see her off so I headed to school myself. A minute after arriving I saw a girl I know but haven't seen in a while (I haven't got her e-mail address or phone number, or even full name), and we talked for a while. I hoped my sister would still arrive in time, as the bus was going to take off, and she arrived two minutes before time! [​IMG] So all was fine in the end. [​IMG]
    I am going to have breakfast now, and then go to someone's farm to do some work! [​IMG]
     
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  11. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Working went very well.
    I just spent an hour (estimated) trying to figure out the optimal render settings for my suboptimal set-up for YouTube. I don't think it can be perfect, and I will have to settle with a less than perfect option. [​IMG] I don't like that. I'll take a shower now, though, and not continue with this afterwards, or I might not be able to sleep.
     
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  12. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    After posting that I did get a couple more triggers, but I got through, I ended my day by reading a scan of some 30 year old magazine about learning Japanese. [​IMG]
    I had a wet dream this night too, and didn't sleep well. But I still want to go quickly, as I am supposed to work on the farm's garden again, even if I don't like it, because my mother says that can happen in actual employment too... [​IMG]
    This is day 7, I will write an overview of the first 7 days in my notebook later (but I haven't done the overview of the last week before the challenge yet [​IMG])
     
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  13. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    I forgot to post, but I did have a good evening. [​IMG]
     
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  14. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    I got up at 9 AM today. [​IMG] That's good though, as I'm trying to learn to get up late... as next year I might have lectures rather late, and if I can, I'd like to wake up late to still get enough sleep. And yesterday I slept rather poorly, so I guess it's good. [​IMG]
    My body isn't used to getting up so late though, so it doesn't feel great... plus I've got an appointment, and now I don't have as much time to get ready. [​IMG]
    Oh well! This is day 8, today I'm going back home, for the first time during this challenge. [​IMG]
     
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  15. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Got up late again, this time at my own home, where I've got curtains, that let through a bit of light, so that's impressive! [​IMG] I do hope I will still be able to get up early when I want to... [​IMG]
    Yesterday afternoon and evening I was very tired, and gave in to a trigger for the first time. I also realised that I keep forgetting one of the core things of this challenge.
    If something is coming up that will make me really tired afterward, I should prepare myself! Post here about it, and tell a friend or two. I'm trying to remember to do that from now on. [​IMG]
    Yesterday evening, for the first time in a while, L/M came online. If you haven't read my journal, you won't know who she is: she was my best friend through the last 1.5 years of secondary education, and the first person I ever talked a lot with about my porn addiction (besides this forum). It was quite good talking to her again, and she decided she would be coming online again today! [​IMG]
    Today I want to get some things sorted: get groceries, do the dishes, make up my room... I'd also like to get to know the new housemate I got, and I will have to try settle that the kitchen gets cleaned up a bit, as it is, like most of the time, so messy there isn't any room for cooking or doing the dishes. Admittedly, our kitchen is small, but I think my housemates will have to deal with that, and clean their stuff more often.
     
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  16. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    I forgot to say, I'm going to shower today. [​IMG]
    Also, I talked with the only housemate that hasn't been 'swapped out' yet (the other two have left and been replaced, so I still need to get to know the new ones and they me) this morning already, and he cleaned up the kitchen. [​IMG] So cooking wasn't an issue! I made too much, though, and it did taste good, so I ate it all... [​IMG]
     
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  17. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Forgot to post yesterday evening, as I didn't have a lot of time. [​IMG] But it's not an issue, as I already posted shortly before that.
    I didn't sleep well tonight... which is unfortunate. [​IMG] Because I will be meeting up with two guys from the internet, today! I hope it'll be fun for all of us! [​IMG]
    I will be rather tired afterward, I suppose, so I should take care.
     
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  18. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Shouldn't forget to post. I am indeed very tired. [​IMG] But I had a good time with the guys! [​IMG] I got quite a big trigger (literally [​IMG]) looking outside in the train back, but I wrote a message about it to a friend, and it was fine. I did give in to a really small trigger later, but that won't cause any issues I think - although it does mean I should take care a bit more, perhaps.
     
  19. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Today I've got another day for doing things around the house. I will also have time for some fun stuff, and I should probably go outside for some exercise. Have a good day! [​IMG]
    (Day 11)
     
  20. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Forgot to post again, yesterday evening. [​IMG] Anyway, I did have a nice day.
    In the evening, however, I started getting a headache. It lasted through the night, and my left ear also 'closed' early on, annoyingly. At 6 AM I had a dry dream where I was tempted and messaged L/M, but then continued to look for porn anyway. I woke up then, though, perhaps because of my headache, and I decided to take a paracetamol. I did, and went to the bathroom too. When I got back, though, because of my headache I guess, I didn't fall asleep quickly. I wasn't fully awake either, though. I didn't resist to things I did and eventually had orgasm. I woke up a little more then, to realise it. While half awake, I had also taken off my underpants, something which I usually never do when relapsing, as I will wet the bed. But now, with still the headache, and a closed left ear, I had to clean myself, clean the bed... and finally was able to sleep for a couple of hours, which is great. The paracetamol is working now, but I hope my headache won't return.
    I also hope my ear will open up! I got both of them emptied this/last year, so I wouldn't think they would be stuffed already... [​IMG]
     

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