dirty thoughts

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ALEX_88, Jun 28, 2018.

  1. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    hello to all of you guys, some time dirty thoughts and fantasies happen with a married colleague of mine, we work only with her and me all day, sometimes I can not hold back the impulse to touch her. can someone help me?
     
  2. Julius93

    Julius93 Fapstronaut

    I won't say anything about your thoughts, but it's so disrespectful to mess with a married woman. There are enough available women for you to mess with.
     
  3. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    Do your best to control your thoughts. It's really, really hard sometimes, but if you can push those thoughts out, replace them with others, distract yourself from them, it will get easier and easier the more you do it.

    Don't risk your relationship with her by disrespecting her, remember that she's not just an object for your fantasy, but a person and a coworker who is going through life just like everyone else.

    Also, if you were married and your wife worked with a guy like you, how would you want him to act around her? It helps to put it in perspective.
     
  4. Julius93

    Julius93 Fapstronaut

    @CrimsnBlade, you say it like it's something easy. If we could control our thoughts, we wouldn't be here in the first place. Let our friend fantasize as much as he wants, as long as he doesn't act upon those thoughts.
     
  5. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    I struggle with thoughts too. But if you think about it too much it could make you more likely to relapse
     
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  6. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    @Julius93 I did say that it's really, really hard...

    Fantasizing is just another avenue to allow your temptations to get the best of you. You have to train yourself to resist these types of thoughts or like @Air0 said, you'll just keep tempting yourself until you eventually relapse.
     
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  7. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "CrimsnBlade, post: 1537100, membro: 195290"] Fai del tuo meglio per controllare i tuoi pensieri. A volte è davvero, davvero difficile, ma se riesci a spingere quei pensieri fuori, sostituirli con gli altri, distrarti da loro, diventerà sempre più facile più lo fai.

    Non rischiare la tua relazione con lei non rispettandola, ricorda che non è solo un oggetto per la tua fantasia, ma una persona e un collega che sta attraversando la vita proprio come tutti gli altri.

    Inoltre, se tu fossi sposato e tua moglie lavorasse con un ragazzo come te, come vorresti che lui agisse intorno a lei? Aiuta a metterlo in prospettiva. [/ QUOTE]

    a volte è così difficile ... perché sono sola con lei tutto il giorno in ufficio
     
  8. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "Air0, post: 1537105, membro: 211893"] Anch'io lotto con i pensieri. Ma se ci pensi troppo potrebbe renderti più probabile la ricaduta [/ QUOTE]
    Yes, it's true
     
  9. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    You know it's wrong to touch her so that's good. You know your goal 'to stay away from her'. Now you just have to reach towards the goal.

    Many people have sexual fantasies of their colleagues/roommates. My colleagues would talk about one colleague all the time. But the difference was they knew they would never touch the colleague. Their urges weren't so bad.
    Can you take transfer to another department or maybe work in some other shift? I know it's an extreme step but it's better than indulging in the act.

    I don't think there is a band aid solution that you can use. Like some prevention. Maybe you need to date so your sexual thoughts can be diverted towards your girlfriend.

    Acknowledge the thoughts. Write down the pros and cons of what can happen if you touch her and she rebukes. It can go in your record and cost you your job, reputation, friends.
     
  10. Julius93

    Julius93 Fapstronaut

    Maybe the OP can talk to her husband to arrange a divorce in order for him to step in. Just an option.
     
  11. MasterRoshi

    MasterRoshi Fapstronaut

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    Im making an educated guess but I would say if you stop all PMO and replace the addiction with healthy alternatives (journaling, meditating, exercise etc...) this sexual urge will go away and you might have more respect for her as a colleague, her husband as her partner and yourself.

    I’ve had the same type of thoughts and for me it stemmed from low self esteem and also sexualizing anything that moved due to extreme PMO use.

    without knowing more, this is just my hunch and what I would be thinking if I was in that situation (which I have been).
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2018
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  12. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

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    Would you like it if another guy was touching your mother or sister? Im sure the answer is no so get it out of your head. After all she is someones mother, sister.
     
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  13. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    You're right !, that's what I'll try to do
     
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  14. OnceAfraidToMerge

    OnceAfraidToMerge Fapstronaut

    I think this is the best answer.

    I don't believe we can stop dirty thoughts, and we shouldn't want to, they're completely natural, biological motivators to find a partner and start a family.

    What we can stop is our warped interpretation of these thoughts. Years of P has made us objectify women. When we feel a compulsion to act on these thoughts and we've not formed a significant emotional bond with that person, that's a sign that we're viewing a woman as a Pstar and an object.

    Remember that she's a person. Think about her family; think about her stressful, unsexy days; think about her dreams and her career ambitions.

    She's not a sex toy, she's a flawed human-being with complex emotions, just like all of us. We all deserve respect.
     
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