Did you find your partner less attractive while viewing porn?

I posted a similar thread a while ago- the replies were interesting. Will tag!

 

Physically, no. I get annoyed with him a lot easier though after PMOing. More of an intimacy issue than a physical attraction issue, which is probably even more harmful.

 

i asked this to my spouse when i first saw it.
and he said he REAALLY hate to admit it. but ya he thinks he must have found me less attractive while viewing P on a regular basis. Now that he's almost 20 days no POMO he feels like such an idiot for not realizing what he had right in front of him. how (lets sum up all describing words with AMAZING) .....So How AMAZING all my parts look. How beautiful i look. etc etc. He trys to remind me daily that he is an idiot for not noticing this.

 

Porn gave me a unrealistic view of women in general, my wife got the worst of it. I would often expect her to meet me where porn had led me in my mind which was always a weird/darker place than she knew of. I'm only a few days into my umpteenth reboot but I can honestly say she becomes way more attractive to me when my mind isn't skewed by the fake image that porn puts out there. I know this also makes her very self conscious and even start to hate herself which is in no way fair to her. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I remember before porn got really bad in my life I couldn't keep my eyes off of her, porn slowly took that away.

 

THATS how i felt. I could tell my husband couldn't keep his eyes off me, and slowly he went back to porn more and more and took his eyes off me.

its awkward now to have him have his eyes on me now. i question how realistic it is. how genuine that look is now.
i wonder if others do this too.

 

YES. I fully relate. I feel like there are thousands of women in my husband's eyes when he looks at me. Like his newfound desire is tainted. Not like how it was years ago.

 

@SpouseofPA & @Sadgirl
I had these thoughts for a few years, I would second guess his motives whith compliments and even the loving looks. In the thick of it I even thought what is he hiding, what behaviors is he trying to distract me from. I hated going through that.
At this point in the game I have actively chosen to to take the leap of faith with trust that his motivation is genuine. It was scary at first but now I have not only accepted it I have embraced it and it feels good. My logic is if it were to turn out to be something of selfish nature, hiding somethg or using it as a cover up. I’m not the stupid one for falling for it, I still have my integrity and self respect it’s a bigger loss for him.

 

you sound like a strong lady. I hope i can regain my confidence to feel that strong again. i am not one leave in a relationship. thats partly from the ADHD and partly cause i dunno. i have left relationships but, i don't want to it to turn out to be a leap of faith and then im crushed ( if that happenes again). I am not leaving this relationship but i am terrified to jump in with two feet.....
maybe thats the betrayal trauma. i dunno.
I too have wondered if he is hiding something.etc etc
but then i put faith in the things he has said and i am trying to trust his words.
i am sorry this all over the place. my brain is today

 

No need for apologies it’s understandable. For me it happened when I was ready for various reasons and it took me 4 years to get to that point. Don’t force it as it is working through the BT and that can take time and is different for everyone.
Until it happened I thought it may never come and times that was overwhelming for me. The difference is I regained my self confidence in my personal commitments & boundaries, he knows the consequences. I told him if he cheated again that’s it, no discussion, I’m done and gone and we won’t be friends. He asked me why and I told him after going through this I don’t think I could see him any less than toxic and why would I want that in my life. For me it’s along the lines of “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”. That’s all I have control over is my self.

 

No because if I am Horny I find a male attractive...lol

 

The accepted wisdom, and the experiences of the porn addicts and significant others posting here suggests that porn addicts do find their wives or girlfriends less attractive when they are immersed in porn. Over in this thread there is a link to an essay @Beayur wrote which cites the following:

(Citing Albright, Julie M. “Sex in America Online: An Exploration of Sex, Marital Status, and Sexual Identity in Internet Sex Seeking and Its Impacts,” Journal of Sex Research 45 (2008): 175–186.)

I do just want to put the other viewpoint. There are men here, myself included, who continued to find their wives attractive even when we were heavily using pornography. I know that is difficult to believe but it is my experience.

I am not alone in this, for example

(N.B. I may have snipped too much out of that quote, I hope I haven't changed the gist too much.)

Here's how I put it in @SpouseofPA's thread

 

my husband found me attractive but not as attractive as he does now. or thats what he's concluded for now. He says he didn't realize he had everything right in front of him, and had no need to look else where

 

This is not a question I am willing to ask my husband because I do not want the honest answer. He has been forthcoming in every question I've asked him about his PMO since the beginning of his reboot, but I don't think that this is something I should force him to admit. I am sure I already know the answer anyway, so I don't need to hear him say it to drive the knife in deeper. It feels like intentional pain shopping for me, and I don't have a desire to make him have even more guilt.

 

Same here. Like what I already know doesn't hurt enough? I bought this killer dress for the holidays. When my husband saw me in it, he joked that the men at the party might whisk me away. I told him it would serve him right.

 

Not just my partner but women in general. It's funny how porn desensitizes all outlooks of life.

 

You mean like watching porn while fucking?

 

No they mean that in general the overall watching desensitized them to the look of their partner to the point where they only wanted to return to the novelty of porn and never who was in their homes

 

Thanks for clarifying. As what I describedcis a practice too. I must say so,e of the conversation here is rather a rousing. How do people deal with this

 

I have watched porn with my girlfriend once, it was weird.