Diary

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Marskell, Feb 3, 2019.

  1. Marskell, welcome! I wish you good luck in your journey! I also would not recommend having a male AP - just because we women are wired a bit differently, we have our periods and our mood swings, well, you get the idea. Btw I'm using HabitShare app and I'm tracking my NoFap there as well, if you want I can add you there. It's great that you are journalling! For me meditation and getting outdoors (for a walk) also works.
     
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  2. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    How do you like HabitShare?
     
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  3. It's convenient to use for tracking your habits. You can track a lot (compared to I think only 5 in HabitBull app - or you have to go premium). Plus you can add comments and share habits you like with your friends. I use it with Miracle Morning accountability partner, it's great tool.
     
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  4. Marskell

    Marskell Fapstronaut

    @fleurette I would love to try that please! I'll send you a DM with my email for adding. Thanks so much for reaching out, I was keen to try Habitshare, but I definitely don't want to explain what PMO free means to anyone in my IRL. I live in a pretty conservative Bible belt, all my friends would NOT understand.
     
  5. Marskell

    Marskell Fapstronaut

    @fleurette Oh, it's not letting me direct message you? Hmm... Not sure why. Comes up as "You may not message Fleurette."
     
  6. You must search for me there acc to my email - I will private message it to you and then add me as a friend :)
     
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  7. Marskell

    Marskell Fapstronaut

    Today was good, mainly 'cause I was kept so busy that unwanted thoughts and urges didn't bother me. Being physically tired out definitely helps. I am becoming more aware of my triggers, now that I've identified some of them, it's surprising how often those triggers crop up. Being mindful and aware definitely protects against this. I've started the Habitshare app which I quite like so far, I'm looking forward to how it looks in the long run.
     
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  8. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @Marskell

    Great post and insight on your triggers. This is SO SO true. Once you have a reset, we can begin to truly see how we use PMO as a way to medicate. While I am a mature and in control guy, it is amazing to me how often and easily I can feel HIGH levels of anxiety or stress.

    For me that us my biggest trigger. What's great though is that I am learning to be a better person, because I CALL IT OUT for what it is. I will literally say "I am feeling these urges because I am stressed out..... I dont know how to properly deal with my feelings about <fill in the blank>".

    I then look to my plan and do something about it. For me these steps are:
    1. Take a more direct/ro-active approach to directly addressing the problem
    2. Get up and go somewhere
    3. Go play video games for 30 minutes
    4. Pray to God (since I am a Christian) and confess my feelings out loud and admit my weaknesses....but also request his strength insight

    I would highly encourage you to do the same with your top 3 triggers as well. Make a list of things to do and STICK TO IT.

    Be encouraged.
     
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  9. Marskell

    Marskell Fapstronaut

    Things are going well. This could be placebo, but I feel like my self-control and making better decisions has slightly improved in other areas of my life. It's easier to choose healthier foods, easier to choose not to nap, easier to get out and exercise... I guess I'll find out in the long run whether that holds true.

    I have also become increasingly aware of another threat to my reboot. Apathy and a sense of false security. I think this is one I will definitely struggle with more. I have a lot of hubris, thinking that I probably will be fine, this reboot isn't terribly necessary, and I won't have the same problems as before. I'm not sure how else to counter this except by reminding myself of the negatives I experienced with PMO, and the benefits I have (will?) gain PMO-free.

    Anyways, thanks again to this community, and best of luck on your own reboot journeys!

    :)
     
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  10. bobross

    bobross Fapstronaut

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    Always wonderful to hear when one of us is doing well :)
    In my experience, there are 2 types pf urges:
    1. The straightforward ones, where your body and mind demand and scream and cry and throw all sorts of tantrums
    2. The subtle ones, the most dangerous, when your mind starts throwing all sorts of compelling, logical and reasonable ideas as to why it makes sense to do this and that. But ultimately, something requiring justification is proof that we shouldn't do it. But our minds can be very persuasive :D
    Keep up the great work! And....don't think too much :D
     
  11. Marskell

    Marskell Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the encouragement peoples :D

    @bobross I agree, I struggle with the second more than the first I think. Still going well despite this. But also, it feels like I should be on day 70 instead of day 4. Part of me is whinging "Are we there yet?" But I'm reminding myself, one foot in front of the other, and not to compare my progress with others. All else is good, and happy belated Chinese New Year ya'll!

    :D
     
  12. bobross

    bobross Fapstronaut

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    You'll get there soon enough :) Just focus on today, it's not like you'll let all effort go past day 70 :D It's a great number, just like 90, or 10000, or 4, it's the fact that you count that mattera, that you're trying your best. Results come when they will, sometimes soon, sometimes.....less soon :p
     
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  13. Marskell

    Marskell Fapstronaut

    Just woke up from the strangest dream... A romantic one, about a friend. This friend was my first crush, over fifteen years ago. And honestly, I held onto that crush for at least a decade. We've drifted apart over the years, perhaps because these messy feelings came between us, something I deeply regret. I valued our friendship far more than my childhood crush, I should have tried harder not to let it ruin the friendship. He's not even someone I can realistically see myself with in a romantic capacity, we would end up annoying each other far too much, it's just residual feelings from childhood and he lives in another country now. Anyways, it was a weird dream... I was on a date with him. That was it, not even a kiss. Just in a pub somewhere (with exposed wooden ceiling beams... weird detail for my dreams to add, but there ya go), on a date, it was going really well... we were getting along like a house on fire, much like before we drifted apart now. Thinking of it, makes me terribly nostalgic and sad for what we used to have.

    I'm not sure what this means... I haven't had romantic dreams about anyone since high school. Perhaps it doesn't have to mean anything, just a reflection of my knotty feelings about the whole thing. Perhaps it's a side affect from rebooting, I probably used to avoid my feelings for this guy by PMOing. I remember why now, it still bruises my heart a little.

    Eurgh... I'm usually more apathetic about this stuff. Anyways. 'Til tomorrow.
     

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