Diary of a supportive Girlfriend's thoughts.

Matt85Child · Oct 19, 2015

I'm sorry for so many things, but at the moment I'm most sorry for leaving you alone in this world babe. I brought all this upon you and left as soon as I could. I guess it is because I feel as though I can do this alone.

Maybe I'm right, or maybe I'm wrong, but the fact is I haven't kept my promises to come back on here, and for that I'm sorry.

The tone in your face on the phone just now said it all. It felt like a slap in the face, similar to what you must feel I've given to you.

Once again I've had a wake up call as I now feel as though you don't want to hear from me and I don't like that. It makes me panic and fearful that I'll lose you.

I have taken backward steps in most aspects of my life recently, as we have discussed, and I want to get back to the point where I am going forward again, not only in life but in this relationship.

XPiRED · Dec 27, 2015

@Madwithstars - Wow! I wish I had an amazing girlfriend like you who was SO kind and supportive. You are amazing. Keep it up

Madwithstars said: ↑

And I will try to keep him relaxed about it because you are right, the worry a man has over things during sex can definitely affect things.
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I can definitely vouch for this. If you have any anxiety during sex for whatever reason, things don't go very well.

nfprogress said: ↑

If he has trouble finishing during sex, I'd urge him to simply try enjoying sex without orgasm. Simply don't worry about whether you finish on a given night. Too much worry makes it tougher and frustration often doesn't work.
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So true. I think it would be helpful for a lot of people to just enjoy the actual sex and not make the whole point of it completely focused on the O.

XPiRED · Dec 27, 2015

4mywife said: ↑

Maybe you can re look at the way you feel about him reaching O during sex. Personally, I haven't had an O during sex in 45 days. It's been by my choice, but when you objectify O as the finish line, or as the goal that makes me feel complete, perhaps you are building your own feelings on the wrong goal.

I understand how you feel, please don't take this as a callous response. But who told you that he had to O to make you feel complete? Sounds by your own list above that you're not only helping motivate him toward recovery, but that the fruits of that are clearly visible.

Look at it from a male perspective, most women can not achieve O thru intercourse alone. They require some other form of direct stimulation. Yet, most men don't take that as "I must not be enough."

I think people have set O as the finish line based on faulty beliefs. Don't get me wrong, I like O as much as the next person, but it doesn't define my love or expression toward my wife.

I do understand the whole death grip thing and he should be free of that, just don't grieve yourself for not being able to get him there. Like you posted, look at the man he has become without it.
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Brilliantly said. I feel the same way.

DireMerl said: ↑

I think the main problem with not being able to O during sex is that it is more likely to make someone turn to P and M for relief. I know my husband struggles with this. I personally don't feel like there's something wrong with me. Not anymore anyway. But I do feel bad that he can't get Any release without turning to pmo. While lots of women can't I from sex they are usually able to achieve it through other means. To not be able to do it all unless it's to yourself must make sex and other acts seem frustrating rather than enjoyable.
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I can relate so much to this.

Rav70 · Dec 28, 2015

Validation was huge for me. My boyfriend would say i never didn't want to have sex with you or that I didn't find you attractive enough.
Then one night I said bullshit! How did I even stand a chance when you watched porn and got off 2 or 3 times before I got home from work. He finally quit saying that and started saying I fucked up and I'm sorry. That was more believable to me.
Boyfriend had same issue sex.with.little chance of O.

boichywow · Mar 4, 2019

Hi, it's 2019, would you like to give an update? I don't know if I'm the only one here, but I think it would be a wonderful closure. How are you? How is your partner? How is everything?

Capt. U · Mar 9, 2019

Madwithstars said: ↑

So, hi.

I'm not sure what to put for my first entry, and I not even sure how often I will use this but I figured, so many others seem to be feeling the benefit of getting out thoughts here, so I might as well try.

I've been with my partner ( he's on here too) for 2 years now. When we met it was life changing, having both had our hearts obliterated by lies and deceit and cheating, we found solace and peace in each other's desire for honesty and strong desire to ALWAYS be truthful. No bullshit. No lies. No secrets.

I always new he loved PMO, and I did think it was more than the average guy but I never really thought it was a problem until I started connected dots. The biggest one that caught my eye was the fact that I was unable to make him O no matter what I did. He always had to finish himself off. I felt ugly about this. But he reassured me that he's always been that way and that it isn't because of me.

I started to wonder why it was that way and that maybe it wasn't normal. I began observing his technique and realising it wasn't a normal method (death grip) and began looking up on the Internet and found a link to excessive M and the problems we were encountering. He also frequently had issues with staying erect during sex.

We talked, he said it made sense and admitted he does do it a bit too much so we agreed for him to lessen the amount. But fast forward, and it just didn't work out the way we wanted it to. Many lies later, we face the cold hard truth.

Since then we have talked almost non stop, we have shared thoughts, feelings, truths.
We have researched, and found that actually, what we thought was the problem, was the tip of the iceberg. We have discovered the depth of his problem together, and though I am 100% heartbroken from the lies, the unfaithfulness, the not being enough, the finding out of things, the hearing that having sex with me was not enough to please him and he had to think of other things just to get through it, the grief, the ground beneath me falling away, everything.........despite this, I am 100% supportive of my man.

Why? Because he has shown me how much he wants to change. How much he hates it, how badly it affected his life. He has shown me that he means what he says when he says he's trying. My love for him has entered a different place, it's stronger in many ways.

As of right now he has gone 22 Days without PMO, and I cannot express how proud I am of him. As a result, his personality has changed, his tone of voice, his level of respect increased, his attraction to me grown, his view of what we were before is crystal clear.

I might as well add that we are in a long distance relationship. I love in lancashire and he lives in London. We see each other about once a month for a week at a time. The last time I saw him, we had sex but he didn't O so when he comes to visit this Thursday, it will be 24 For him. We have put plans in motion to live together as soon as possible but it still will take time because we need to save etc.

I am nervous about him going home after that. What if he just relapses after that? And even more of a worry, is what if he can't tell me he's relapsed? I just need honesty.
If I get honesty, I will give everything I have.

Anyway. That will do for now, other than to add that I have had a bad relationship with P since age 16, when in a mentally abusive relationship with a boy obsessed with P and constantly told me I wasn't as good as those girls. Amongst other things. As a result, the eating disorder I developed at age 13 ( due to issues at home with being made to feel inferior, not good enough) came into the forefront and I self destructed. I've been battling it all year years, I'm now 32. This does put me in the position of being able to emphasise with compulsive behaviours, and how hard they are to overcome.

Thanks for reading, if you did.
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Thank you for sharing

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Diary of a supportive Girlfriend's thoughts.

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