Desire to hire escort just to kiss and hug her

Freedom_from_PMO · May 30, 2019

properWood said: ↑

Thanks again for sharing so much and keeping the conversation going. I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all, other than probably you're a bit lost in a few beliefs that are not getting you where you hope to be.

First and foremost belief, you're 24 and not had a long term relationship. You are freakin' young and in your prime age to start life, by all means you're not even a slither of failure! When you'll be 124 and not have had long term relationships and children... maybe then you can consider you did not do that great on one chapter. Failure is such a strong word that we use casually today, failure truly means everything broken and I doubt there's anything broken with you.

Second belief, your weight. When I was 24, I weighed 52kg/114lbs at 180cm/6' tall. By medical standards I was malnourished. And yet, I did have relationships with girls. You being a bit plum might be quite attractive for a gal that appreciates love handles.

Third belief is that you're bad at flirting and bad at small talk. I rather think that behind the word "bad" there's a fear, fear of connection, of opening up to someone, that someone will find out you, inside, are bad, faulty; but the belief that you inside are bad is only a belief, probably sang by someone else to you before so many times that you think it's true. Being vulnerable in front of a girl takes huge courage and it's so appreciated by those girls that know it. It's easy to hide emotions, but it's not a beautiful trait.

Fourth and final belief is that you need companionship, a woman. Ask yourself why do you need that. Is it written in the law that you must have by 24 years old a girlfriend? Is anyone gonna hold you responsible if you don't get a girlfriend this year? I think there is, there's that little voice in your head that's not your voice, but someone elses, that in the past held you responsible on ad-hoc decided standards.

All these are beliefs are just thoughts that are implanted in your head by someone else. Sometimes society, most of the times parents and close family.

About me: 37 years old, until about a month ago with severe cystic acne. Painful rejections from girls over the course of time (crying like a baby for weeks haha), three long failed relationships, one was a marriage. I don't have children, I'm very skinny and not much muscle, I have a lazy eye and my face is not symmetrical. I always asked myself: what the heck do these girls see in me?

What would I do if I'd be 24 again? I'd learn new stuff: a musical instrument, photography, jump with a parachute, psychology. I'd focus on work that matters to me. I'd start the business I said to myself (through my dad) that I'm not good enough to start. And I would not chase girls, I'd quit social media and dating (apps too). I did the complete opposite.

What will I do from 37 years old onwards? I recently picked up photography again, I want to learn to play Mozart on a violin, I want to skydive, to learn German etc. I will probably start a business soon and I will share my knowledge with other men that might find it useful. When a girl shows up and smiles at me, I'll consider it, but I'll try to not let it be the defining factor in my life. And if I won't have children (which I absolutely like so much), then so be it.
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I love your optimism, but I found your advices very, very copy.

Looks - yeah probably someone would like that, but 10 or more times more women would appreciate more healthy look.

Smalltalk - it has nothing to do with opening to people or something like that. I just quickly run out off smalltalk topics because I prefer "big" topics.

Why I need companionship? This is a very hard question to answear. I will use a metaphor, it is not a mockery. How people know they are thirsty? Is it society that pushes us into drinking water? No. I need companionship and intimacy. My family and friends aren't pushing me into this.

And age is very relative thing. From your perspective I am young, but when I compare myself to my peers I am really behind.

Freedom_from_PMO · May 30, 2019

wwtl said: ↑

Well I had hobbies, nobody cared about as well. Like "retro computing", "simracing" or other gaming-related stuff and of course I never met any female friends exploring these. It mostly played out online and it was before gaming became big and mainstream on the YouTubes.

Then I restarted piano five years ago and now I have my first gig in one month. I was asked to play a solo prelude as a supporting act and I was bold and agreed despite having no stage experience at all (yeah, that's some comfort zone stuff!). Guess what: In that "hobby", lots of women are around...
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It is good that you put "hobby" in a quotation mark, because this is not a hobby (maybe it is for you I am not sure) but something you do for a purpose, not out of passion. We do hobbies because we like them. It is hard to fake being passionate about something.

Deleted Account · May 30, 2019

Freedom_from_PMO said: ↑

It is good that you put "hobby" in a quotation mark, because this is not a hobby (maybe it is for you I am not sure) but something you do for a purpose, not out of passion. We do hobbies because we like them. It is hard to fake being passionate about something.
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My piano ambitions didn't have any purpose despite entertaining myself and killing time with practice. Of course, it quickly turned into a passion to get close to great composers and doing their work justice.

The last thing I thought about five years ago was going on stage and attracting women. I was a hermit with a MGTOW mindset.

Freedom_from_PMO · May 30, 2019

wwtl said: ↑

My piano ambitions didn't have any purpose despite entertaining myself and killing time with practice. Of course, it quickly turned into a passion to get close to great composers and doing their work justice.

The last thing I thought about five years ago was going on stage and attracting women. I was a hermit with a MGTOW mindset.
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Well good for you, some PUAs advice that men should pretty much fake passions, which is terrible advice imo.

I have some chance of meeting women through my hobbies, but it is not very big chance tbh.

Deleted Account · May 30, 2019

Freedom_from_PMO said: ↑

Well good for you, some PUAs advice that men should pretty much fake passions, which is terrible advice imo.
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Game is more than just faking stuff. It's about understanding social dynamics and using the knowledge towards your goals. This is why I chose to read about it without employing the fornication lifestyle.

Freedom_from_PMO · May 30, 2019

wwtl said: ↑

Game is more than just faking stuff. It's about understanding social dynamics and using the knowledge towards your goals. This is why I chose to read about it without employing the fornication lifestyle.
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Game is a scam.

Deleted Account · May 30, 2019

Freedom_from_PMO said: ↑

Game is a scam.
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A scam is something which doesn't work. That knowledge was extremely useful and clearly improved my appearance. Even the outdated stuff I learned 15 years ago still helped tremendously, when I got cold approached this year.

Freedom_from_PMO · May 30, 2019

wwtl said: ↑

A scam is something which doesn't work. That knowledge was extremely useful and clearly improved my appearance. Even the outdated stuff I learned 15 years ago still helped tremendously, when I got cold approached this year.
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Game works in certain situation on certain types of women and for certain types of men. There is some truth in it, but also lots of cope and just plain bullshit.

Freedom_from_PMO · May 30, 2019

Lots of men will have zero use of Game. Game coaches heavily overestimate effectiveness and flexibility of Game.

Deleted Account · May 30, 2019

Freedom_from_PMO said: ↑

Game works in certain situation on certain types of women and for certain types of men. There is some truth in it, but also lots of cope and just plain bullshit.
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It's just knowledge and it works in all live situations with all people, not just dating. Having game helps with job interviews as well for example.

Of course, as with any popular topic there is a lot of bullshit with all kinds of copycats going on.

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