depression

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by SamScarlet, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. SamScarlet

    SamScarlet Fapstronaut

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    My husband is on day 17 of his 90-day hard mode reboot.

    The first two weeks he was quite anxious, but mostly OK. Now he has fallen into depression. I have seen him depressed once before, and now it is less strong, but still, really quite strong.

    I guess it is a normal part of quitting something. Is there something that could help him?
     
  2. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    The biggest thing? Structured time.
     
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  3. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    It’s quite possible he is in the flatline phase of his reboot. The flatline is a sign that he is doing things right, and refraining from PMO. For me it was characterized by overwhelming apathy, I wasn’t interested in anything, had no opinions or drive. It was an incredibly frustrating few weeks for my wife, as I just couldn’t be engaged in anything. Hang in there it will pass if that is what it is.
    What helped immensely in my early phases of rebooting/recovery was to have non sexual intimacy with my wife that concentrated on replacing that dopamine with oxytocin through massages, or naked cuddling, to held and be held. It helped me realize there was just as much reward with being intimate as there was with sex or O. I can understand if you are sickened by his addiction, and perhaps his actions that drove to this, so this may not be an option for you.
    Other thoughts on this is the sheer weight of the guilt and shame he could feel over his actions are coming to light, and he is finally feeling them. To me this isn’t depression, but a deep sadness for a real reason. Try to lead with love and understanding, let him know you care about him, and see his pain, tell him how it makes you feel without judgement or accusations, and you are open to hear how he is feeling. Hopefully you can help him carry the weight of his heavy heart as he transitions into a new man you both deserve to see.
     
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  4. SamScarlet

    SamScarlet Fapstronaut

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  5. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

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    Few weeks? Lucky her. I’m waiting for 4 months so far with no end in sight for this flatline.
     
  6. SamScarlet

    SamScarlet Fapstronaut

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    Ouch! What does it look like? Depression and no desire for sex?
     
  7. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

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    I can’t speak on the depression part but yeah no desire, no initiation and attempted sex is ruined with erection loss.
     

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