Depression, sexual Abuse, starting POM

Hello people,

i would like to tell my Story. I am 24 years old and i got sexually abused at young age which had a big impact on my life.
Since it happened 14 years ago i started to watch porn every day and it got more and more extrem. I was a really shy guy and had too wait really long until i had a girlfriend by age at 18.

At my first time i was not able to get an erection, we needed like 5 months until it happened. Luckily i got a really kind girlfriend and i always thought i am just nervous.

Well, after this relationship ended i was much more confident and had more success on womand and therefore had some ONS. But it never worked. I still thought it is just because of my anxiety and fears i developed throughout all my life.

After my second girlfriend (it did not work again at the first time) my sexlife was okay again after a while of time. Therefore my conclusion was, i just get an errection if i am close to someone and therefore ONS are not meant for me. I had like 5 ONS again and i never were able to have an erection.

In my third relationship i noticed that i was just able to get an erection when i experienced something totally new. The sex got more and more different.

However, why i am here? I finally realized i have may a problem. I always thought i just had problem because of the bad thing which happened to me but i have to change something in my life. I do not think that watching porn every day is positive for me.

Moreover i met a girl last week i really fall in love with and we lived one weekend together and nothing happened because i was not able again. In the past when it did not work at the ONS, i was sad but this time i hated myself, because this girl was really something special.

I am doing POM right now and I hope the next time i will be able to have sex with a woman at the first time. Moreover i am thinking about to take pills or atleast have them to be more calm in the situations. Would you advise this? I know i will be damn nervous again and even with POM i would not "work"?

Thanks, if you read this. I would love it, to get some answers or questions.

 

Yeah, i want and we will do it for sure! I really don´t want to watch porns anymore.

 

Yeah, we will do it. I am really motivated.

 

Hey, guys. I just relapsed and i feel like an idiot. In future i will post here every day, so i can always remind me, that the community is there for me.

So, lets go. 0/for ever.

 

How does it go for you?