Depression, causing PMO, causing Depression, causing PMO

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by IamtheLiquorJD, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. IamtheLiquorJD

    IamtheLiquorJD Fapstronaut

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    Well let me first tell you about myself, I am 21 years old straight male that lives in Ohio. Ever sense I in elementary school I have been told people think I am depressed. Now being 21 I have had the opportunity to talk to a therapist and she suggested that I’ve probably been depressed for a long time (I never talked to a therapist about PMO).

    So Im just going to be very basic on my understanding of addictions, and if anyone has any input of correct me on my understanding please comment. Or an opinions.

    Addictions usually spring from depression in the form of drugs or alcohol. They seek out something to numb their pain something to distract them from the problems in their lives and make them feel good. The addiction gets rooted in the brain and then become dependent on that temporary high.

    I think I have become addicted to PMO like one becomes addicted to Drugs or Alcohol. I have been struggling with PMO and quitting PMO for over 3 year and I have had very little progress.

    I am depressed, when I think about how much I've failed in life and with this addiction I hit my knees and cry. I’ve done that on multiple occasions. My depression has cost me jobs, college, and a relationship. I have currently re-entered a relationship with an X girlfriend who I honestly love and inspired me to quit PMO. That only makes this fight so much more important.

    I have told her about this and about me trying to stop but I am tired of failing. I am tired of having to tell her I failed, and involving her in this has only made her feel betrayed by me every time I fail. One important thing to note was a recent success I had with no PMO. I went 22 days without seeing porn but I did edge the entire time. As soon as I tried to stop edging I failed miserably.

    My failures and pain I think just feeds my addiction to PMO to the drugs that are released into my brain. I become overwhelmed by my depression to the point I just want to die. Where I am just tired of life and tired of this struggle, I just want to rest. I believe that feeds my dependency on PMO.

    I think my addiction is directly linked to my depression and my addition furthers my depression. Its like eating, I eat because im depressed, im depressed because im fat, but im depressed so I keep eating.

    I cried and became overwhelmed with emotion a little but there and I guess my real question is, does any of what I said make sense? Can my depression cause my PMO addiction? Can I quit PMO while I am depressed like I am? I haven't been on here for over 2 years because of some negative comments, and I had mostly given up. But Im back because I am absolutely desperate and I want to change so bad.

    Any advise comments or whatever will be appreciated. Thank you for your time and words.
     
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  2. Sorry to read of what you've been through. Depression is an illness that many don't truly understand. I've recently finished a book on the subject and it made me realise I didn't know much about it.

    I would say depression can cause a PMO addiction but of course not everyone who's depressed is addicted to PMO. You can quit PMO while depressed but it's super hard to do so... I would also say it depends on what type of depression you have...

    It's good you've seen a therapist but I would suggest to not just take one persons opinion as fact - maybe see other therapist, maybe visit a few doctors as well. Also research depression online and read books on depression. Learn more about this subject (if you haven't done already). People are complicated so be wary of anyone who says they've got the complete cure for depression because no one can bring a complete cure for everyone. We are all different and therefore one thing might work someone may not work for another. For some medication helps them with depression, another going to a therapist helps and others having a pet or going for long walks helps them. It all depends on the individual.

    In the book I've been reading the author suggests several things those who suffer can do before, during and after depression. Here are some of them:

    Be careful about what music and media you consume, and what books and articles you read because they influence your mental state.

    Sometimes the power of choice has to be entrusted with another trustworthy person, because when someone is badly depressed they're unable to make the right decisions.

    Establish a regular routine. You can't choose whether you're depressed or not but you can choose what you'll do during the day. Having a regular routine can greatly affect how often and how much you're depressed.


    It should be said it all depends on the depression you have. So some of the suggestions might not be for you. For some depression can so bad that people are angry when they have no reason to be angry or miserable and they don't know why they're miserable.

    I would recommended you read the book I've read. It's called How Hard Is It Really and it's written by J.S. Park. He's suffered from depression himself and shares a lot of what he's been through due to the illness. It's a well researched book and written with great honesty and balance. He's also been addicted PMO and has written about breaking the addiction in the book Cutting It Off. You can find out more about his books at https://jsparkblog.com/books/

    Something else that might help you is the podcast The Hilarious World of Depression. It's podcast where they interview comedians who have suffered from depression. You might gain some insights from what they say on the show. You can listen to at https://www.apmpodcasts.org/thwod/
     
  3. I recently discovered the book Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. I notice other people on the forum have mentioned it too. A couple of quotes I posted elsewhere:

    "You must learn to trust your creative mechanism to do its work and not "jam it" by becoming too concerned or too anxious as to whether it will work or not, or by attempting to force it by too much conscious effort. You must "let it" work, rather than "make it" work. This trust is necessary because your creative mechanism operates below the level of consciousness, and you cannot "know" what is going on beneath the surface. Moreover, its nature is to operate spontaneously according to present need. Therefore, you have no guarantees in advance. It comes into operation as you act and as you place a demand upon it by your actions. You must not wait to act until you have proof - you must act as if it is there, and it will come through. "Do the thing and you will have the power," said Emerson."

    "First of all, it is important to understand that failure feelings - fear, anxiety, lack of self-confidence - do not spring from some heavenly oracle. They are not written in the stars. They are not holy gospel. Nor are they intimations of a set and decided "fate" which means that failure is decreed and decided. They originate from your own mind. They are indicative only of attitudes of mind within you - not of external facts which are rigged against you. They mean only that you are underestimating your own abilities, overestimating and exaggerating the nature of the difficulty before you, and that you are reactivating memories of past failures rather than memories of past successes. That is all that they mean and all that they signify. They do not pertain to or represent the truth concerning future events, but only your own mental attitude about the future event.
    Knowing this, you are free to accept or reject these negative failure feelings; to obey them and take counsel of them, or to ignore their advice and go ahead. Moreover, you are in a position to use them for your own benefit."
     
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  4. BruceD

    BruceD Fapstronaut
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    Wow. Thank you for the post. Going to download that book today, heard of it before! Keep on keeping on!
     
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  5. IamtheLiquorJD

    IamtheLiquorJD Fapstronaut

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    Thanks to both of you for your advice and knowledge. I have added all 3 of those books to my shopping cart on amazon, and will continue to educate myself and seek counselling from others. Thank you for your time and support
     
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