Depression and suicidal thoughts

I imagined shagging my cousin sisters because both of them I caught watching porn and masturbating on their devices but they didn’t see me looking. So I stood up as the orgasm got intense but when I touched my jeans zipper lightly and let go I jizzed. But it only affected me a little. 4 days later I’m full of mood swings. I am trying to stay away but I couldn’t help watching sunny leone today. I didn’t feel a thing. Plus got some great news, my hair is getting thicker. A sign im fully recovered almost.