Delayed ejaculation

I'm glad I came across this, as this is my problem exactly (well, I can, but it gets tiresome having to work four hours just to orgasm, and thats ruined a couple relationships). Sadly, I have no info on the subject, so heres hoping someone more knowledgeable comes along. But don't worry, all else failing, we'll get through this together

 

I've had DE since I started having sex at 16. I was crazy addicted to porn and masturbating still getting over now at 22. Quit watching porn all together and not masturbating definitely helps for sure it helps rewire how difficult it is for your body to feel the sensation. Make sure if you do M you don't death grip but try your best to avoid it as much as possible. It's tough when you don't get laid frequently but it's totally worth stopping for at least a month

 

My partner has porn induced DE. He also suffered from death grip syndrome. He could only O from his own hand. It had to be done a certain way and he had to close his eyes and think about P in order to even make himself O with a real naked woman right there. What happens is that looking at internet porn creates a huge rush of dopamine in your mind. It's like having sex with a new partner everytime and you also get a sort of sexual ADD clicking from clip to clip. I recommend you google and read your brain on porn. So you condition your body to respond only to high levels of dopamine that can't be replicated by real women or sex. When you release dopamine your body associates pleasure with what is causing it. For you that's porn not women. Men with DE actually have an arousal issue. In order to O you have to get to a certain state of arousal and you can't get there with a woman because you have trained your body to look for more. You also are used to your hand. Many men with DE use a rapid pace that no sex could ever replicate and they squeeze tight. A woman's touch is much softer than your own. What I can tell you is that once my partner committed to giving up P and MO his DE went away. It took some time but right now he can O from me alone and it takes under 20 minutes. Before it took him an hour and that was using his own hand. Plus he's 46 you are young you have less time invested and hopefully you can fix this sooner. Since you are single it's been suggested that if you do MO do it without any porn and only when you have an actual physical need not because you are bored or tired or feel bad. Use a light touch, use your non dominant hand use lube and try a flesh light. I am sure the guys can help more but I wanted to tell you it works for DE!

 

That you are squeezing too hard, using a very tight grip usually accompanied by a fast pace. My partner had no idea he had it until he asked me to grip as tight as I could and he could not feel it. His strength is much greater than a woman's and that's why the flesh light is recommended as opposed to your hand. You can grip it and it helps you to get used to other types of stimulus. If you have to pick which one to be addicted to the flesh light is better than your hand.

 

There are two fronts for resolving DE (I'm told, because that's my trouble, too). The first is physiological: you have to give your dick a rest from the constant punishment of MO. Just stop for a few weeks, and let your skin and nerves rest. That part is easy.

Second, you have to set about changing what you find "erotic." You have to take all those little centers in your brain that get excited about P, and teach them to be excited about having a real, live partner, esp one whom you love.

For this, I recommend a competent therapist. It's years of conditioning that need to be undone, and if you have a SO, it's helpful to have that person work on it with you.

If you don't have one, that's probably better, because if your SO isn't able to support you unconditionally through the journey, it will only deepen the troubles.

 

I also suffered from DE just like you. I was never able to cum, only by my own hand. I fapped like 3 times a day before starting nofap. The benefits of the programme is huge. After I had O from fapping, I felt really lazy and comfy, my concentration was shit as hell. Now that im in it, I have much more energy, I am able to concentrate and focus on things like learning and work. I am also able to build real relationships with people. I used pmo to relieve stress and searching something new to get stress-free was really hard. In the beginning I got more upset by little things. I started running and going to the gym which helped a lot.

I suggest you to stay in the programme, it will be really beneficial for your whole life. Do not stress on that DE with the coworker, we are all human. I had like 3-4 first times with girls when I could not get it up. But the more you stress about it, the harder it gets. Try take it easy.

Look forward for things..The next time you will have an Orgasm with a girl will be one of the best experience of your life, I promise that..

 

Significant other.

 

It will my partner said the same thing he felt nothing. It takes time. A lot of time.

 

SO = "Significant Other"--spouse, partner, etc.

 

It can't hurt. So are you single now?

When your partner said it was your problem, how did that make you feel? Did you agree?

(...and let's be clear: Is your ex a man or woman?)

 

Good for you for seeing that this is a problem and working on it. It's a relationship killer. You can tell the partner until you are blue in the face it's not her but that won't change things. Even if they believed you they still don't want a sexual relationship where you always make yourself O that's just not enjoyable at all. And the fact that you are doing something to cause the issue that you won't stop is infuriating to the partner. Sex with a man for me with ED was not enjoyable at all.

 

RIGHT! Well, I know LOTS about struggling with DE with other guys. Until I found my husband, I only got a little sympathy from boyfriends, and they were willing to make some effort, but in the end, they could only wait so long, you know...what sh!ts men can be...

So, my bro, you have all my compassion. I'm still working on this, but I think the end may be in sight. The particular causes of my DE are not directly related to P, but it certainly didn't help over the decades. How can I help?