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Death Grip and Weak "Natural" O (possible triggers)

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by turquoise, Nov 10, 2017.

  1. turquoise

    turquoise Fapstronaut

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    I've been struggling with frequent relapses lately, but my relapses are showing me what I suspect, and I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts/advice. Let me explain:

    I have been a PMO addict since puberty. Recently married, but have had the same partner for about seven years. One of my excuses for not giving up PMO until now has been that my orgasms through PMO are almost always stronger and more pleasurable than when I finish the "natural" way--ie: vaginally with my wife (it was the same with other partners I've had in the past). The day before yesterday, and the day before that, I edged for a while during a relapse and finished through PMO. Yesterday, I edged for some time, but didn't O, and later in the evening had sex with my wife.

    What I noticed, which wasn't a surprise, was that my O with my wife felt almost like nothing. The sensations for most of sexual intercourse are better than PMO, but when I finish, it's almost never as satisfying as it is when I PMO. Because I have had some time away from PMO in the past, I'm thinking this has to do primarily with the "death grip" habit--gripping myself way tighter than a woman's parts ever could.

    Does anybody else have experience with this? Is it due solely to PMO and death grip, or is there anything else I can do to make my O's stronger during sex? Would appreciate any thoughts/commiseration. Experiences like this make it difficult to cut out PMO, especially after a series of relapses...
     
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  2. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

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    Sorry to hear about this. Penalty for indulgence is not trivial, and not worth it.

    Death grip is a thing talked about some here, maybe more on subreddit. Problem is the pattern. First reboot, then wait for healing. Most of us that start at your age are able to recover. Keep working on it. The saddest thing in what you've said is about the seven years lost, and the lackadaisical attitude. Not accusing! Just pointing it out. I've lost years and a marriage to the same thing, so.. yeah, craptastic. Get on the train to recovery and I believe you will get where you want to be, and become a better person will be the unintended better benefit.
     
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  3. turquoise

    turquoise Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your feedback! I definitely have used PMO as a crutch in the past. I've been able to cut way back recently, but struggling to cut P out completely (I'm not doing hard mode or necessarily cutting out MO 100%, though I try to keep that in moderation, too). I have a journal if you want to read more about my experience. Longest streak is 40 days without porn, but since then it's been about a week at a time at most. I'm not happy with those results, so I'm making some changes to my approach. Definitely sick of this death grip and relapse crap.
     
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  4. vxlccm

    vxlccm Fapstronaut

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    Honestly? Quit the M. Do the reboot. No edging. Be accountable. Then, make a decision from that place of clarity. This is just my 2¢ based on observations from 3+ years around fapstronauts both on the subr and here. Give it a college try. It may just work. M probably includes fantasy even if there's no P. So.. not really cleaning the slate. Also, physiologically, definitely not going to help with sensitivity for wife if you're nonchalantly still not committed to no M. Try to do without.
     
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