Dear brothers, don't isolate yourself. It takes courage to reach out for help!

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Steffo Shambo, May 7, 2019.

Do you often feel lonely?

  1. Yes

    24 vote(s)
    85.7%
  2. No

    4 vote(s)
    14.3%
  1. Steffo Shambo

    Steffo Shambo Fapstronaut

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    The rate of suicide is highest in middle age white men.

    Men are 3 times more likely to commit suicide then women.

    The reason being that they have less social circles to reach out for support...

    ....and for having someone to listen and care.

    That's why it is important to surround yourself with other male friends.

    Whether that is by acquiring friends you can share honestly with, or being part of a men's group.

    It gives you a sense of hope, joy, love, camaraderie, brotherhood, and belonging.

    And it builds up your masculine polarity..... to feel strong and confident.

    If you are in a funk right now, or feel lonely...

    Send me a PM and let's talk.

    I'm here to help, because I've been there before.

    (It's okay for men to reach out for help too.)
     
  2. PolarOtter

    PolarOtter Fapstronaut

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    Feeling particularly lonely today... so much so, that I've been thinking about re-adding a logon to a porn site so I can expose myself to fellow cammers and get some male attention (which is wrong because, well, it's just wrong, but more importantly... because I am in a completely loving and committed relationship with a wonderful man, who just happens to be living out of state at the moment). In addition to the rush, I also miss the conversation I would have with one or two of the guys who I considered to be "online friends". I plan to stay strong, just wanted to document my current struggle.
     
    forksnknives likes this.
  3. Steffo Shambo

    Steffo Shambo Fapstronaut

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    I hear you brother. I think you are in need of some good friends. Maybe you can organize a meetup or go to a local event, it could be a sharing circle, dance class, or whatever you fancy. Connecting with other work wonders for the issue you are experiencing. Much love.
     
    llortaton likes this.
  4. PolarOtter

    PolarOtter Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Steffo. Yes, I am in need of some good friends. I feel as though I have drifted from people who were in my life and no longer have a connection with them. I do not know if I'd be able to organize something, but I will look at meetups to see if I can meet other like-minded men.
     
  5. Christell

    Christell Fapstronaut

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    Maybe I need some help I feel so alone sometimes I dont have people to talk,I have social anxiety or pretty much anxiety in general,overthinking things,my mind is beating me up and i feel drained by my own thoughts too often and this is so sad.. :/ I cant cant enjoy life like that and I am thinking tons of other problems right now but I really dont want to write all of them here, I am an introverted shy and quiet person I don't believe this a bad think but it makes almost everything worse...
     
  6. PolarOtter

    PolarOtter Fapstronaut

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    Hi Christell. I completely hear what you are saying. I too am shy, quiet and introverted. I saw a counselor several years ago and was always trying to "fix myself" by becoming more extroverted. I believe I got to a place where I felt okay and was able to stop seeing my him. I learned (as you have already stated), there is nothing wrong with being introverted.... it is who I am. I was, however, very low/depressed over the weekend and even found myself weeping several times yesterday and outright crying in the evening, but today was better. I have acquaintances and some friends, but for some reason, feel like an outsider, alone and left out. I see these people on social media and wonder why I am not included. I think the timing is right for me to see a new counselor for a while... a little tune-up to talk through my thoughts and perhaps get a fresh perspective on how to address these thoughts. I am reviewing new counselors in my area and also found a Meet-up group for introverts. I spoke to my partner about my downward spiral over the weekend and talked through how I wondered if my lack of masturbating was a contributing factor (because I am no longer masking the underlying issue, which is that I am lonely). He said I should allow myself to masturbate again, but I do not want to take that step yet. I want to talk through this with a professional to see what he might say. In the meantime, I hope your spirits are also lifting, but if not, please let me know. Maybe I can offer some help.
     
  7. Old Fogey

    Old Fogey Fapstronaut

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    Good thread. I will add that hobbies are a great way to meet people. Find an activity you enjoy and go and do it with likeminded individuals. The social interaction will take care of itself over time as you start to make friends.

    It's a matter of small steps. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy or introverted, but that doesn't mean you have to lock yourself in a forest with no people around. Just find some things that interest you, then reach out to other people who are interested in those things. You don't need to go to loud clubs or bars, in fact, I recommend staying away from those places if you like it quiet. I also recommend getting off social media if it depresses you. I mean honestly, what is the point of using it? To stalk the people who didn't include you? The only real purpose of social media is it's convenience in setting up real gatherings with all or any number of your friends. If you're not using it for that, just turn it off and go do something productive.

    As an aside, I see a lot of people who misdiagnose themselves as introverts these days, and I suspect that is a leading cause of loneliness. I think people who are genuine introverts should be comfortable spending time alone. I recently took off for a week on a biking/camping trip alone and I had an absolute ball. I think a lot of people who call themselves Introverts are really suffering from Social Anxiety, which is completely different. I don't consider Introversion to be a fear of social situations, but more of a preference for spending time alone. Extroverts who suffer from Social Anxiety (something that is increasing due to our increasing reliance on social media and a decline of face to face communication) are going to be the hardest hit by loneliness, simply because they want the social interaction, they're just afraid (or don't know how) to pursue it.
     
  8. PolarOtter

    PolarOtter Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your feedback man. Yes, hobbies are a great thing to add to the list. I ski in the winter, but don't do anything during the off season. I will add some non-winter activities so I am busy year round. I really don't like social media and will consider getting rid of my FB account or possibly only using it in the scenario you describe. My counselor did indicate that I am an introvert... I do totally enjoy my alone time, but also crave social interaction. I don't recall if I or he said I have social anxiety, but to get around that, he suggested I create intimate gatherings at larger ones, where I have a conversation with one person (my comfort zone) instead of focusing on the overwhelming nature of large gatherings. All-in-all, I feel positive about putting feelers out there.
     
    Old Fogey likes this.

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