dealing with NoFap and Virginity

I struggle with this too. Are you going to try to start making an effort to "get any"? If not, why not?

 

When you go without for a while, you have less craving and more mental stability. There are wet dreams to give you a release, and not PMOing will actually allow your drive to direct you to real people, rather than pixels or your hand, increasing the chancing of getting some.

 

I don't want to question your personal goals about sex. So I'll just offer my own perspective shift, which is that I also never believed in "hookups" or "one-night stands".... I was "too good" for that, I was "better" than the guys who did that kind of thing. Now, I am becoming more comfortable with the idea. I see a connection between porn abuse, and refusal to pursue actual, real sex. When we're not "externalizing" our sex drive (directing it toward real women), we end up "internalizing" it (abusing porn). Plus, who's to say that if you pursued "just sex" that it wouldn't lead at some point to a more long-term relationship(s)? I'm also told, that all women want sex (even the "good" ones), so who are we to not give them what they want?!

But just offering my perspective, do what you want!

 

My perspective is, if I had gotten any earlier in my adult life, I probably would not have been into porn. The thing is, I may also have caught something or got someone pregnant. The worst, worst, worst thing that could have happened is I could have married someone that I do not like. PMO is bad, but there is stuff that is worse, bud.

On that note, I advise that you stick it out and wait for someone special. It isn't fun waiting, but neither is it fun not PMOing when you want to PMO! Good luck with making your decision!

 

Your question sounds sincere.

First, "I must PMO because I am not having S" is at least a triple fallacy about which I believe to know a thing of two. First, PMO addiction will always seek to provide rationalizations for more of itself. #sick. Secondly, not having S does NOT logically mean that one must PMO. There are other options, and the trick is to choose one that not involve P nor P-induced fantasies. No P, for it poisons our inner life in several relevant ways. Thirdly, is the S-impulse not meant for the expression of love inside a meaningful relationship? Do we not want to get there? If so, PMO is a serious and potentially love-fatal deviation and even P-infected MO is unhealthy and destructive.

So...the whisperings of our addictions notwithstanding.... we must reboot, reboot, reboot...so as to cleanse our inner selves from P-pollution. Then, but only if we feel we absolutely must, we can infrequently MO....without straying from our romantic ideals or weakening the strength of our resolve, the clarity of our focus, or the purity of our motivation.

Good luck!

 

Some interesting perspectives here, I'll add my two cents.

First of all, I can relate to the "not getting any" thing, I'm a virgin too and spent a long time last year worried about it, and all it did was push me to be miserable whether on NoFap or not. I actually did quite well during this time streak-wise, but I wasn't truly making any progress because my mindset didn't change. Slowly over time I came to realise that doing NoFap to realise some external goal (to get girls for example) was misguided because I wasn't addressing the root problem, I was just projecting it onto something else and not changing the mindset and problems that led me to being a porn addict in the first place. I think you need to take a step back and work on yourself first, and everything else will naturally follow, and if not can be pursued afterwards.

Having said that, I have to agree with SuperFurryThing, that PMO causes us to internalise our sex drive and repress sexual desire in an unhealthy way. You can be "sexually active" in your own mind but be a repressed virgin in real life, and this is obviously not good for you on a psychological level. Its almost like porn turns people into puritans who have to hide away sexual desire. Once you have yourself sorted out, and you feel like you are in a good place, and crucially, when you feel like you are ready, trying to get laid isn't a bad thing, its a normal thing for a person to want, male or female. You can be open to the prospect of sex without turning into some sort of lusty, crazed degenerate, and while I do not wish to come across as presumptuous, I think your attitude towards sex may be more heavily influenced by PMO than you are aware.

 

I think your nofap goal should be to get a girl and loose your virginity.

Even if you think you are that far from that goal is probably not true, just have faith and keep going on your streak!

and belive me, i know what i'm talking about

 

Nonsense. You can get some tonight.

 

Are you being facetious, or serious? LOL

 

I can't use myself as a counterexample but I personally know womanizers who struggle with porn addiction. They tell me that the more sex they have the more they want to watch porn.

Spoiler: nsfw

Hugh Hefner allegedly let his supermodels fire him up only to finish himself to porn.

Unless you're disabled (including ED) or disfigured there's nothing standing in your way besides yourself.

 

I suppose that's a good mindset to have

Though I would worry about "the quality" of woman that this would get you

 

"Erring" on the side of caution, patience, and fear of "re-infection" is very justified with something as deep as P or S, IMO. I admire your sincerity and your following your own intuition on this, and encourage you to keep listening to it!

 

[/SPOILER]

Porn was my companion and my primary source of education about the opposite sex. With that being said, yes I know there are people who have no problem with getting any and still watch porn. I suspect that there are different motivators for these folks, than what I have.

Spoiler: NSFW

As for Hugh Hefner, didn't he try almost everything? Those who debate that porn is beneficial or helpful advocate its use to accompany actual sex. I think HH was using P to "spice up" his sex life. He probably watched until he saw something he liked, hit pause... et cetera.

I'm sure that is a motivator for many who watch it. Indeed, if I had gotten into it and been sexually active, that is how I would have used it.

 

2 days thats weak

 

Yes, it is weak

 

I am not convinced of the wisdom of this line of questioning. The idea, as a PMO addict, is not to exchange one thing for another - -which is a bit like starting a new relationship order to break up a toxic relationship without inner change or growth -- but rather, imo, to (a) undo the addiction, (b) become healthier overall, and (c) then look for the kind or relationship your better self respects, wants, and is willing to work on. If "getting it in" is the extent of your goal and consciousness, PMO seems almost inevitable.