Dealing with loneliness and noFap

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by XD005, May 17, 2019.

  1. XD005

    XD005 Fapstronaut

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    I thought I'd ask for some advice here.
    I've been trying noFap off and on for a while.
    I've gotten to day 22 once but I have difficulty sticking with it.

    Anyway, I suffer from chronic depression due to my loneliness and low self-esteem.
    High School did a number on me. I do also have extreme difficulty with getting women that I am attracted to. The only exception was a woman I met 6 years ago who was literally a dream girl. For the 1st time in my life, I was truly happy. I was in love and I had no desire to masturbate. Porn was the furthest thing from my mind. Getting older, I've learn that I use porn for a coping mechanism for my depression and loneliness.
    I've been trying to replace that with exercise and trying to get in shape hoping that will improve my chances.

    I have my ups and downs. The "god-like" confidence usually kicks in around day 14 for me but I can never talk myself into talking to girls. I'm extremely afraid of rejection. So idk any tips? I'm not a virgin but I just really want to have the love that I felt 6 years ago.
     
    Cool I Can Use Spaces and CH3RRY like this.
  2. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut

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    My advice is to improve yourself until you become confident and can attract a girl easily. Get rid of your issues and do everything in your power to better yourself before getting into a relationship. Having issues such as low self-esteem will never disappear if you try to ease them by having a partner. It's best to get rid of them by yourself. That's how you truly become powerful, alone.
     
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  3. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    I suggest reading my success story. You need to get out of your comfort zone multiple times per week and do new and uncomfortable stuff until you get comfortable with exactly that: constantly doing new and uncomfortable stuff. And you need longer streaks to reap rewards: You need at least 30 days of retention.

    You don't have to use the exact same context like me. Any circumstances, which are far out of your comfort zone and provide many different reasonable, but uncomfortable challenges should work to get you used to that. It's like going to war.

    As you can read in my report I got thrown into the "talking to girls" challenge ad-hoc without warning, because I got approached without even planning for it. My last experiences in this regard were over 15 years ago. But after 25 days of NoPMO I got so used to asymmetric warfare, that I confidently improvised something right on the spot and it worked. Once you got used to the unexpected surprise attack, you are not afraid anymore.
     
  4. XD005

    XD005 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I've been trying to at least make it to 30 days but I get "hypersexual" and do the whole staring at women like slabs of meat. Which is interesting because I've learned you can really appreciate the beauty
    of women more on noFap. I tend to look at the whole woman instead of just 3 places. But I find the desire for women truly unbearable. I suppose it's just the lizard brain trying to motivate you to go out there and find a mate.

    I don't know any advice for that? I'll look up your success story. Do you happen to have a link or is it on the Forum?
     
    wwtl likes this.
  5. wwtl

    wwtl Fapstronaut

    Exactly the same, I can appreciate that without naughty thoughts and at the same time see the human behind the beauty. And of course can talk like a normal person to them, without being intimidated.

    It's on the forum, it's my first post here, which I made after passing 30 days. The thing that actually got me out of the loneliness/anxiety/relapse cycle was forcing a lot of uncomfortable situations (just lots of new people, not dating-related) on me, while confidence slowly built up.

    This resulted in a completely different self-image. I can deal way better with rejection now and it doesn't affect my confidence.
     
    XD005 likes this.
  6. guyfrompoland

    guyfrompoland Fapstronaut

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    Its very interesting to use this therm of asymmetric warfare in the man-woman relation. I didnt know anyone beside me was thinking about it this way. Thanks Bro am not alone!
     
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