DE (Delayed Ejaculation): Your experiences/advice/comments (Female opinions are very welcome)

Some great points made in your response. But what about changing positions? It's not the same as switching tabs, like you say, it helps me get over the routine issue. I used to be very reserved about this. A little too self conscious to go for some of the less standard positions, but I got over this some years ago and just go for it. Without getting too technical, many positions offer much more visual stimulation than missionary, which basically has none. Statistically, (even non porn addicted) men respond strongly to visual stimulation. You don't have to give up this thrill along with porn. As long as you are attentive, and make sure she gets hers, you should be entitled to some fun as well. I think any way you can find to make sex more exciting (assuming your partner is willing) is fair game.

 

I have DE and am married. I either get exhausted and collapse in a sweaty heap on the bed, or she starts to get irritated inside. If she hasn't cum and you aren't going to get there either. Finish her off orally.

I completely understand all the things you say to yourself as you are trying to talk yourself into cumming. You play a lot of mind games and it turns into a reaching the finish line task rather than an enjoyable loving experience.

 

It can be perceived as a blessing when you don't have it, I guess it rules us out of the Premature Ejaculators group and I know that group isn't very happy about having this caracteristic. So yeah, in a way, it can be perceived as positive/an advantage/a plus, and in some respects you feel like a stallion...

But as someone who has had DE since forever, but am able to be active for hours and hours (pretty much as long as she is able to stay awake..), I can assure you it quickly becomes a curse. Sure she has many opportunities to get off herself and she will because you're able to focus so much on what/how/when she likes it, sure she can take her time and enjoy the moment and doesn't have to feel like she has to enjoy only the next half-minute before it's over until next time.

But very soon something triggers in her brain : "I'm not enough for him / I'm not good enough / I can't give him pleasure". No matter how you explain to her that this has nothing to do with her, that you have our own pleasure and it lasts while the action lasts (not to orgasmic levels, but quantity immensely drowns the heights in our cases), the idea slowly eats up her desire and never leaves her mind.

In the end my last girlfriend (which loved me very much and I loved very much too) ended up cheating on my because she couldn't even come close to enjoying having sex with me anymore - I quote "I wanted to feel like I'm capable of pleasing a man again". Joke's on me for not being able to make her understand that I definitely enjoy every second with her I guess...

That's exactly what we've been doing and it works well if she's down for that. It's like a third half time, a unique way to connect with her. Unfortunately I've come to realize it sort of burdened me with a performance issue overtime, to the point that sometimes I just couldn't focus or enjoy anymore, and just abandoned the third half.

 

So much this.

 

Thanks for sharing this. This is an eye opener. Grass is always greener elsewhere, until testimonies like yours come to light.

 

Um, no, it's not. My husband has developed this problem after years of porn addiction. It makes me feel inadequate, unattractive, and not good enough that he cannot finish. The cultural narrative where men who last for hours is a good thing completely ignores the fact that female anatomy is not designed to enjoy anywhere near an hour of intercourse. A man who is so turned on by me that he wouldn't be able to keep himself from finishing would make me feel so attractive and happy. A man who needs me to 'perform' for him, and even then can't be stimulated enough by my body, has resulted in me feeling terrible about myself and resenting him.

 

DE and/or anorgasmia is horrible.
At the time it made my already insecure girlfriend even more insecure and I thought that I was completely broken and that something was severely wrong with me that I just could not orgasm and had problems getting and keeping an erection when I was with her. I hadn't even put 2 and 2 together then.

 

What she said.

 

DE + PIED = Extremely depressed/being sexually frustrated.

How is it a blessing when I can't feel the pleasure of an orgasm anymore? It took me months of rebooting to get back to the way I was pre-porn (later relapsed ~ 170+ days).

And women don't want a man who can "last hours" in bed. As someone stated before the female anatomy isn't meant for that. Sure girls like someone who can last maybe 20 minutes non stop, but beyond that either you, or her, should have had an orgasm by then.

Porn has fucked us up with PIED, DE, anorgasmia, you name it - Porn is responsible for it. When watching porn you think every guys can fuck a super hot girl for hours. Lol it's acting dude, I'm sure they are on certain drugs that make then not cum as easily.

P.S. girls like it when you moan in pleasure during sex, etc. It makes them feel like they are making you happy.

 

I wanted to add something I didn't mention in my first reply: the truth is, women who are "not in the mood" but who love someone and are able to embrace meeting his sexual needs, will have sex with their partners without having a desire to do so. This means, there are times when women will have sex with a "taking one for the team" mindset, much like they would like their partner to help with some household thing even if he isn't in the mood. When we as women are having sex in order to meet the needs/desire of our partner/make him feel loved, the last thing you want is for it to last Forrrrr.evvvveerrrr, and resulting in us feeling like we aren't "enough."