Day 3

I found my way to this website from a link I saw on facebook that one of my very good friends posted. The more I read the more the information made me think about myself and my personal level of self control. In all, well most, aspects of my life I consider myself very disciplined. I always give my best while at work, I take care of my body by eating healthy and keeping fit, and I have been regularly attending church for the past four years (for reasons I am not totally certain).

I currently live by myself in West-Virginia while I am finishing up my last year of medical school. My family lives in NJ and my girl-friend of 2 years, also a medical student, lives in PA.

I guess the question I have been struggling with is simple; is watching pornography and masturbating, or just masturbating adding to my life at all? Really, no it is not, I tell myself. The next questions that follow are; then why do I continue? Are the literal seconds on sensation really worth having this habit?

And to that I am just unsure. The amount I would watch pornography would amount to 10-15 minutes a day while masturbating. Normally this would occur once a day, usually at night before I go to sleep. The frequency would vary from once a week, to a couple times a month, to every day and sometimes multiple times a day (although that happened on very rare occasions).

So why have I decided to stop? (or try)?

I think for me it is more about testing how much self-control and will-power I have. I also just want to be able to control the urge to watch pornography and masturbate, an activity I would be ashamed to admit I partake in. Although I have tried in the past I have never made a permanent change. But I am hoping that joining this community and putting some thoughts down in words will help.

As for sex? I don't believe I will be giving that up. The personal-intimate relationship I have with my girlfriend is something I enjoy and I am hoping leaving pornography and masturbation behind will only enhance that.



Thank you for reading.