Day 3-struggling and winging about it.

Today is my day off and I really struggle with boredom, loneliness and depression. I would always masterbate to porn at some point on my days off so today is a big hill to climb. Im missing the dopamine hit and the fact that I had control over that.
I am happily married and had an affair with an unhappily married man, we never had sex but we had phone sex, discussed things of a very sexual nature via text, we kissed a few times and hugged a lot. I think we were in love. The thing is, I wasn't unhappy in my marriage, I just have a lot of love and energy and feelings that I was able to (unhappily) sustain the 2 relationships. This happened 2 years ago and I'm still struggling with missing him now. I really am happy with hubby and have a great home life so this somehow doesn't make sense. I think porn satisfies the hit I got when I was in the relationships. I think I have an addictive personality as I was addicted to my 'friend'. At that time, I had so much libido, but now I have none, I don't fap to porn because I'm horny, just out of habit, because I have lots of free time and to get that dopamine hit.
This post sounds like I have such a non problem. Some greedy girl is sulking coz she can't have her cake and eat it, oh woah is her with her perfect life. People have real problems and overcome them. Im like the worst person right now. : (

 

Thank you Faceplanter, I definately do have a problem with boredom, I used to love my own company but now I dread it, I need to get myself back and like myself again before I can enjoy my own company. I get anxiety thinking about being with people so it's a very uncomfortable circle. I have so much time on my hands which is such a rare commodity. I could be doing something enriching and I want to but when but comes to it, of course I don't. I feel like such a waste of life, I need to get the f up and get on with it, just finding that 1st step challenging.
Thank you for posting xxx