Day 2 Progress Report: Girls, Girls, Girls

I want to log frequently during this journey, and understand that my experiences will help others in their own journey of progression.

I wake naturally around 6-9am each day, then go back to sleep if I need to. Before starting my reboot, I would PMO or MO at this time of waking because the morning wood would be strong and insistent, and it felt like the quickest way to remove the urge and return to sleep. Yesterday and today, however, I tried going for a shower and watching cartoons in the communal space of my (shared) house. I feel I succeeded in avoiding a relapse during this crucial period of the day because I removed myself from a space where I could engage in PMO (ie, my bed) into spaces I never do that in which leads me to this notion: If you can't tug, you won't tug.

Now, I often find that certain unavoidable imagery arouses me (attractive people in advertisements online, the playboy calendar hanging in the bathroom at work etc.) so I knew that I needed guards in place for when this happens. So far, I've tried making my way into public spaces quickly as possible and/or logging out of my computer while the urge is upon me to avoid visiting unhelpful corners of the internet. I wouldn't tug in a public café or restaurant, and without the temptation to visit the wrong sites fighting the urges has been manageable.

Something unusual happened this morning though. Often I find myself missing my ex and I gently think of her smell and warmth to comfort myself if I can't sleep. Lately I have been incredibly infatuated with another girl, and sometimes I imagine her there in a similar vein. I don't feel this is a risk to my sexual or mental health, just a longing for companionship I've known and miss, so I don't worry about these thoughts. This morning, though, there feels like something incredibly insistent is growing in me and calling me to action. I do not know to what effect, but I am willing to let it grow more. Perhaps it is my reproductive system finding its way to the balance natural for me, as my libido certainly feels... Different today.

This was a long one, so thank you for reading.