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Day 1 of 90+

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Still008, Mar 10, 2014.

  1. Mar 10, 2014 #1
    Still008

    Still008 New Fapstronaut

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    Hello all,

    Today I am embarking on a journey of recovery, healing, forgiveness, and freedom with the 90 day nofap challenge. I must admit, however, that I have mixed emotions about the reality of this. On one hand, I am hopeful, as something deep within me wants to believe that this time will be different and that I will finally move away from this vicious cycle of porn addiction. On the other hand, I feel a bit discouraged as I have been struggling with this addiction since I was 12(I'm 24 now), and it has become a source of my greatest frustration because I have yet to be free from it. I have read books, gone to counseling, prayed, and still struggled. What is different about this time?

    I usually have been able to go 10-15 days without porn or masturabation but after 15 days the withdrawals usually become extreme and I break. I really want this time to be different. The longest amount of time I have went was 40ish days. Afterwards I got naively lured backed into porn's seductive trap after feeling like I should "reward" myself for having gone so long. I don't understand the full complexity of my addiction but I know it is a idol rooted in my own instant gratification and has been using as a coping mechanism for stress. No matter what it has been keeping me from living my fullest life. I feel less productive, more anxious, socially awkward, unable to fully articulate my thoughts, unable to focus or think clear, lose of memory, loss of libido, and fatigue. Because of my anxiety produced from the addiction my ability to drive on the highway(something I once enjoyed) has been crippled.

    To help on this new journey, I gave my smart phone away and I am using an old nokia brick phone to alleviate the pressure of using my phone for said purposes. Also, I have safe eyes software uploaded to my laptop.
     
    Still008, Mar 10, 2014
    Still008, Mar 10, 2014
    #1
  2. Mar 10, 2014 #2
    TheAlmightyMatt

    TheAlmightyMatt New Fapstronaut

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    I start my battle to end all battles today. I've been consistently viewing/masturbating to porn since I was about 11-12. I'm 20 now, and tend to masturbate 2-3 times daily and it's always to porn. It's like second nature at this point. I've blocked what I can off of my computer, but I'm a computer engineering student so I can't give it up completely. I need to quit porn so I can have a healthy sexual relationship. I hope you write often about your journey. I'd like to have someone to follow who's at the same stages I'm at. I'll try to write as well, but I'm not much of a writer. Good luck, Still008.
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2014
    TheAlmightyMatt, Mar 10, 2014
    TheAlmightyMatt, Mar 10, 2014
    #2
  3. Mar 10, 2014 #3
    gettingreal

    gettingreal Fapstronaut

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    AlmightyMatt, you can do this. What a great post, and how brave you are to take this on right away. You've already done a great job on your own it seems, and in worry about rewarding myself with a binge when I make my goal, too. One thing that has helped me a lot has been to really research the P part of this cycle and ask what on earth the people in those images have to do with my life and what I want. They have begun to seem ridiculously removed from my life, from real sex, from love, and from my future. With the P beast stabbed, M and O haven't been so tempting. I'm single, so I'm doing this with no O at all. I think one day some MO off my fantasies won't be so bad, but only if I'm out dating or in a relationship.

    Hang tough, man -- you got this!
     
    gettingreal, Mar 10, 2014
    gettingreal, Mar 10, 2014
    #3
  4. Mar 10, 2014 #4
    sanchy

    sanchy Fapstronaut

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    I know exactly what you mean. I myself started a 30 day run a few days back with the exact feeling. I really wanted it to be different this time around, but deep inside, I was scared. I still am. I'm on day 7 now and urges are coming on strong. But, I've taken some measures to prepare. Laid out a plan of daily routines that include, exercising, meditating, lots and lots of forum writings, prayer, journaling and a couple of other helpful excersises. So, as long as you are doing something different this time around (for me the difference is the preparation), then there's no reason why you shouldn't expect better results. The key lies in: What are you going to do differently this time?

    I also understand what you said about webfilters. I myself find them extremely easy to overcome and I went so long concentrating on how to lock myself up more and more with the filters, that I forgot to work on the most important part of this journey, myself. So yes, filters are good tool, but I'd focus much more on the you from the inside. You can find more about this subject in a thread I wrote a while back here.

    In the meantime, why don't you get yourself a counter for your signature area to keep track of your progress?
     
    sanchy, Mar 10, 2014
    sanchy, Mar 10, 2014
    #4

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