Day 1 (and many more to go)

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by lmmedina, Nov 29, 2016.

  1. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 34 (No P), Day 0 (No M)

    Before anything else, Happy New Year, everyone!

    Today has been a bit challenging in terms of M, and I ended up M'ing once last night and another time today. What's troubling about these M sessions is that I have tended to fantasize about past pornographic scenes that I have viewed, which is obviously not at all the direction that I want to be moving in. I can now see more clearly than ever the need for abstinence from M while one is still working through PMO addiction.

    I also had a dream last night that I was viewing pornographic material on my computer and engaging in PMO. Needless to say, it was a relief to wake up in the morning and to realize that nothing of the kind had occurred. Even still, it was a bit disturbing of an experience.

    At any rate, I am and will remain fiercely committed to embracing a new life without PMO addiction, especially as I move into 2017. I am feeling hopeful about this year, and I hope that we all remain committed to our values and principles in the coming year. Let us not forget what we are working for!
     
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  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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    With this new year, learn from last year's mistakes.
     
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  3. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 34 (No P), Day 0 (No M)

    @D . J . , thanks for your words of support. It means very much to me. :)

    Have been thinking a lot about what to accomplish in 2017 and have prepared a short list as follows:
    1. Learn to fully embrace a life without PMO.
      • I will do accomplish this by continuing to engage with the NoFap community and strengthening my willpower / self-discipline through meditation, exercise, etc.
    2. Learn to fully manage my anxiety and angry thoughts.
      • "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." ~ Mark Twain
      • I have historically been a person who suffers from high anxiety (i.e., catastrophizing, especially with regard to financial matters) as well as becoming caught up in cycles of pessimistic / negative thoughts. Once I begin to think about something that I don't like, I tend to harp upon it until it reaches a maddening fever pitch. For example, my distaste for the crowds and stress that come with living in Tokyo. If I begin to think too much about it, I find myself dropping many F-bombs about this place, the culture, the way of life, etc. The sort of behavior is not constructive and ends up pushing other people away, leaving me feeling more lonely and isolated than before. Just not worth it.
      • What's more, anxiety and angry thoughts tend to trigger PMO, as I typically try to escape the negative feelings by withdrawing into M. At times like these, I'm looking for something, anything to provide me with a mood change.
    3. Completely quit cigarettes.
      • Having been an on-and-off smoker since the age of 17, I am now ready to completely rid myself of this toxic habit once and for all in 2017. Nearly 10 years of smoking is more than enough damage to cause to my body. It is a pointless habit that is akin to playing Russian roulette. Better to just put the gun down and not play the game in the first place.
    Although I have other goals related to my career, etc., I feel that these are sufficient for the purposes of NoFap. Anyone else feel like sharing their goals? All the best to everyone out there.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2017
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  4. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 35 (No P), Day 1 (No M)

    Today was a bit challenging in terms of my anxiety. Although eliminating caffeine from my diet has been very helpful in mitigating catastrophic thinking, etc., I still suffered a mild panic attack on the way home from another part of Tokyo earlier tonight. Once I begin to think too much about money, my future, etc., I tend to just think myself into a corner. At times, the situation feels hopeless and overwhelming. But, I just keep moving. Crawling, if I have to. Anything to keep moving forward.

    I had no real cravings for PMO today, but I will continue to embrace a life without PMO addiction each and every day. I am incredibly grateful for every day that I live without this very real problem that has plagued me for many years. However, just because I am free from the clutches of PMO addiction does not mean that everything else is fine and dandy. Rather, living without PMO is a strong foundation for making great strides in terms of personal growth.

    Let's all keep fighting to make 2017 the best year of our lives yet!
     
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  5. Aceabstain

    Aceabstain New Fapstronaut

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    How do I join?
     
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  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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    Focus less on the issues of tomorrow. Today has enough issues to deal with on its own.
     
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  7. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 36 (No P), Day 0 (No M)

    Although I'm happy to have reached yet another day of embracing a life without P, I decided to M earlier today to cope with stress that I was feeling due to cigarette withdrawals, financial worries, etc.

    From what I have learned recently about substances that aggravate anxiety, nicotine and caffeine are apparently some of the worst offenders. I believe that cutting out both of them will help me to better manage my Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), but the withdrawals are difficult. In particular, the lingering headaches from nicotine withdrawal are especially challenging as well as the intense feelings of restlessness that I feel throughout the day.

    I know that I have important things to accomplish, and I ultimately get them done. Lately however, I've been basically procrastinating and avoiding doing important tasks due to underlying anxiety and restlessness. Perhaps a good way of dealing with feelings of anxiety and restlessness is simply to step outside of ourselves and do something for someone else. Maybe doing something to help someone else rather than focusing so much on my own problems will be a great way to start. Perhaps focusing too much on my own pain is what keeps me from evolving as a person.

    Anyway, @Aceabstain, I'm not sure what you meant by your posting, but you can feel free to join this conversation anytime!

    And @D . J . , thanks as always for your words of support!
     
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  8. DiogoFSantos

    DiogoFSantos Fapstronaut

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    Hey Imm! Happy New Year! The most important is restart.
     
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  9. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 (No P), Day 0 (No M)

    Alright, well. Suppose I'd better own up to it.

    The last few days have been challenging. I had a full out relapse on Wednesday and have been limping along (no pun intended) ever since.

    It took going to the gym today and lifting some heavy weights to get my head back in the game, and even then, I returned to my apartment and engaged in more PMO.

    But, now that I've begun to write on NoNap again, I feel that I'm ready to begin tonight to get back on the horse and to give this another shot.

    Those all too familiar feelings of depression and impotence are beginning to creep back in. It's a terrible feeling to know that even if the opportunity presented itself to be more intimate with my GF, I wouldn't be able to perform. I just know that at present, I've exhausted my sexual energy far too much.

    Anyway, I'm going to give this another shot. No dramatic feelings of low self-worth, no self-hatred, no guilt. Just going to get up and try again.

    In other news, I have been successful with embracing a new life without cigarettes and am currently on Day 4. So, that's good!

    Back on the horse beginning NOW (7:12 PM JST). Let's do this!
     
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  10. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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    Embrace each success you have and build from it.
     
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  11. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 (No P), Day 0 (No M)

    Alright, so I haven't yet begun my 1st full day without PMO, but I can say that after going to the gym today and doing some rigorous strength training, I feel much better than I have for the last few days.

    Strength training is apparently very effective for mitigating anxiety and depression, both of which have tended to lead me to more impulsive, self-destructive behavior in the past.

    I also put time into meditating for 30 minutes earlier today and will continue to do so on a daily basis.

    To keep strong mentally and physically, I will continue to engage in exercise as well as consistent meditation. Feeling confident about this next wave. :)

    Thanks again for the support, all!
     
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  12. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 1 (No P), Day 1 (No M)

    Alright everyone! A bit of a stumble yesterday due to some unresolved anxiety, but I'm back on the horse today! Made it out again to the gym and lifted some heavy weights. Feeling very confident despite the absolutely miserable weather in Tokyo and excessive amounts of PMO these past few days. :)

    Many studies have linked exercise (and particularly, strength training) to higher levels of self-esteem, self-confidence, and mental clarity. Although I enjoy running, I find that lifting weights leaves me in a much more confident and stable mood. Running just tends to aggravate me and leave me feeling more irritable. Not sure why that is, but I'll just go with it.

    All of this exercise lately has left me wondering whether preexisting mental conditions like anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. are precursors to making mistakes like engaging in PMO / doing other acts to feel better. It makes sense that they would be.

    So, perhaps it's best to take a preventative approach to dealing with PMO addiction?

    Otherwise, I've found another reason to live without PMO. Recently, I've found myself less intimate with my girlfriend, mainly because I have exhausted most of my sexual energy engaging in PMO. However, I also just feel more distant from her. I feel like there is a bit of mental wall between us, and I know that it's due to me falling back into PMO.

    In short, I believe that living without PMO is a great way to be more intimate with our partners and to be better, more caring partners in general.

    These are my thoughts for today! Let's all keep on pushing.
     
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  13. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 (No P), Day 0 (No M)

    Well, once you fall off the wagon, I've learned that it is pretty difficult to get a hold of it again. I keep going maybe one or two days before falling back into compulsive PMO.

    Not only is PMO a massive waste of time, but I know that it is harming my brain in ways that will only build up over time and also diminishing my libido / sexual performance.

    If it weren't for my rigorous workout sessions this past week in addition to half an hour of yoga yesterday and today, I doubt that I'd even have the focus or resolve to do much of anything!

    At any rate, my immediate plan for now is to avoid being alone with my computer in my room whatsoever for at least the first few days recovery. Fortunately, I'm sitting at a restaurant that is open until 2 AM, and there is another 24 hour cafe just a short walk away from my apartment. So, I'll be sure to make use of these two places in the future.

    I also believe that by simply writing on this platform, I am strengthening my resolve to continue living without PMO. It is clearly something that I do not have control over, as is evident by the fact that I'll PMO three - five times in one day, if left to my own devices!

    Anyway, let's do this again. I'm going to be vigilant with my postings going forward. It has to begin with a commitment. Resolve. Willpower.
     
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  14. DiogoFSantos

    DiogoFSantos Fapstronaut

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    Thats the secret! Bro, you can do this! And call for help! Have you an AP?
     
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  15. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 (No P), Day 0 (No M)

    Thank you for the encouragement, @DiogoFSantos! :)

    I do not have an AP. Would you be willing to be mine? ;)
     
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  16. DiogoFSantos

    DiogoFSantos Fapstronaut

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  17. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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    It is always important to learn from your past mistakes to counter them the next time. Far too often guys fall and fall again the same as last time. We all make mistakes and will make mistakes but it is more helpful to make new ones and repeat old ones.

    Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips to help you with computer time at home.
     
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  18. lmmedina

    lmmedina Fapstronaut

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    Day 1 (No P)

    Thanks @DiogoFSantos, let's do it! How does this work? o_O

    @D . J ., thank you as well for your posting. I agree with you in that learning from past mistakes is key. Better to make new mistakes than repeat old ones, very true. Is it just a matter of keeping track of the mistakes that we make then? Thanks for the additional information.
     
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  19. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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    It's not tracking your previous ones, it's learning from your old mistakes so that what caused the mistakes doesn't cause them anymore which allows you to learn from a new and unknown experience.
     
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  20. DiogoFSantos

    DiogoFSantos Fapstronaut

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    We need a way to talk, like whatsapp or kik. Have you something like that?
     
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