Dating this lady for a month now - Frustrated by ED

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by fapshooter, Feb 28, 2016.

  1. fapshooter

    fapshooter Fapstronaut

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    I have been dating this girl in college for about a month now. We hangout every weekend and get intimate almost every time. Things have escalating to sex three times already but I never could get it up. I hate this.

    I do not understand what my problem is. I'm not sure if I am in a flatline or not, but my dick is never working; I have no random boners, no morning woods and no boners when I see anything sexual. The girl I am dating is sooo hot but that's doing nothing for me. I am very athletic, and I follow a healthy diet with good supplements.

    A little history about me: I am 19, a virgin. I have been fapping for the last 6 years of my life, and have been fapping on and off for the last two years, but in those two years I was doing it aggressively. I do not use the "normal" grip to fap. I do not use any grip at all. It's gonna be disgusting but I hump the bed to get myself off. This method really goes hard on my member - making it super desensitized. This have backfired so bad by making my mind only get aroused by this position. Even with my current NoFap streak, the ONLY time I get consistent boners is when I lay down on my stomach to sleep, that's it. Nothing else gives me erections.

    This is really frustrating for me. I feel I am blowing my chances with her away because of this. I am worried that I won't fix myself in time before she get frustrated herself. How should I deal with this? When will I overcome this ED?

    I will update this post if I miss anything.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2016
  2. DireMerl

    DireMerl Fapstronaut

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    You need to abstain from pmo. Especially M'ing prone. As I understand it, this is the worst way to ruin your Wang.

    I'm not sure how long it will take. It depends on each individual, and how successful you are at staying away from pmo.

    As for your lady, there isn't much advice to offer here. Either you tell her about your issue, or leave it and hope your situation improves before things go much further. She may decide that she isn't happy with the situation and leave. But that would be her choice I'm afraid. Hopefully she likes you for who you are, rather than your sex life. This early in the relationship, it's hard to tell.
     
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  3. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Great advice DM.
     
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  4. nitsuj0786

    nitsuj0786 Fapstronaut

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    Are you still watching porn at all?
     
  5. The Eleven

    The Eleven Fapstronaut

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    99.9% this is the result of your prone MO. No question you should stop that immediately and otherwise refrain from any kind of PMO, as that's your best chance at solving this. My guess is you'll see real improvement within 30-90 days if you stay on the path. But you might also consider seeing a doctor, just to be safe. Although they are much less likely to be the reason for your issues, there are other medical reasons why an otherwise young and healthy male would experience ED, and it probably would be best to rule those out.

    As for how to handle this with your girlfriend, your best bet is to talk to her about this. The good news is that she's still with you despite the 3 previous experiences. That means she's more patient and understanding than a lot of women would be under the circumstances. But you can't reasonably expect her to remain patient forever without some kind of explanation. Whatever she may say, it's safe to assume that she will take this personally at least on some level. (I speak from experience on that front). Only you know how much information she/the relationship can handle, but it seems to me you have to address this with her sooner rather than later.

    Just my two cents. Good luck! I know how heartbreaking ED can be....
     
  6. fapshooter

    fapshooter Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for your great advice. One thing I miscommunicated to you that I have been clean from PMO and prone masturbation for as long as my counter is (73 days now). But I'm suffering from ED for more than a month now. Perhaps I'm going through a flatline so I will wait it out for now, hopefully it won't last for long.

    I spoke to her about my problem, not in details but just enough for her to understand that I need time to be ready to have sex. She was understanding. We'll see what comes out of this lol!
     
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  7. SONofVEnus

    SONofVEnus Fapstronaut

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    fapshooter........ to me this doesn't sound disgusting. maybe you are worrying too much, or think of your self that you are strange etc.............. i think that is not true................ maybe this worry and the thing you are virgin makes you shy when you spend time with this girl.......... maybe you think she is hot, and you are not.......... of course your brain will prevent you from boner. try to be honest............ if she is the one, she will help you......... because i think, it is beautiful thing to be a virgin............nothing to be ashamed for..............and if she understands you, you will go easily through.......... and by my experiences, the gentleness is the perfect thing.......... when you gently touch each other, without pressure, that you need to get a boner, to come to orgasm etc............this is my opinion........... maybe i am wrong.............. take care, man, we are all in the same, trust me.....................................
     
  8. The Eleven

    The Eleven Fapstronaut

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    See where you are when you hit 90 days. A lot can happen in a couple of weeks. And yes, it could be a flatline, but if it is, that should be over by the time you hit 90 days, too. If you're still having problems after that, consider going to see a doctor. Although it seems unlikely given what you've told us about yourself, there are other medical reasons why a young and otherwise healthy male might experience ED.

    This is fantastic. Having an understanding partner is so important to this process. I hope you realize how lucky you are....
     
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  9. fapshooter

    fapshooter Fapstronaut

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    SONofVnus. You have a solid point there. It might not be the flatline that is affecting me, but also my mentality. I am a virgin so I am worried about performance. The last time we tried to have sex I managed to muster an erection in the beginning. But I was so "excited" about it that it went away. Then for the rest of it my mind was always focused on my penis not on her. Half way through the foreplay I gave up on the whole thing.


    Thanks for the advice bud! We'll wait and see :)
     
  10. SONofVEnus

    SONofVEnus Fapstronaut

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    I am speaking from my experiences..... i am still figuring things out. But we can all maybe think together.... i had problems while having the first sex, too.... and the worst thing was, that she made fun of me not having enough erection. Or at least, i was so sensible, i maybe just over reacted.... So i know how it feels. But i went through many things after that......i found that one thing can lead me through some problems with sex issues, if i am with a girl and if she is patient enough......and that is, if we are really gentle with each other.... and if we can share all the thoughts we have about anything in that moment..... that means that not mine and not her mind is wandering around - i don't mean strictly....just that she is not tense for example that she doesn't like my place or my bed and wants to be somewhere else, and the same as me....or if she is hungry etc...... and specially no comparison in my head or hers...... and i found out, that if we are both prepared, we can release the tension with gently touching each other more easily........ i don't have a lot of experiences this way, beacause she was usualy hurrying, so I may be wrong.......
    What do you think? What is your experience?
    Or maybe something in your mind is saying she is not the one or something else, which was the case with me........ i was in sooo many cases ejaculating too soon, which, for me, is the same thing as having no erection - because both feelings come from tension in the mind or soul or whatever you call it......
     

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