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Dating a girl in my class?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by SorryWontSayIt, Oct 27, 2018.

  1. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Hi!

    So I was a party, with a lot of peoples from my class. Since I am pretty new to the class I have not been able to speak to everyone, but at the party I started talking to a few peoples I had not talked to a lot at school.

    The party had a lot of people so it was not really easy to keep a chat with just one person. If you talked to one, an other would most likely jump in, and some would leave and others would join that converstaion.

    So mostly trough the party I talked on and off with this one girl, and in between the conversations between us, I got some eye contact with her and I could see she giving me a little smile. But so many times there were other people talking to me (so I had to break the eye contact).

    She also asked for my phone during that party and just added herself on snapchat, since thats what most people us where I live. I did not even ask for it, she just grabbed my phone and did it.

    But to the "problem". I don't really have big problems with showing that I like someone normally if I do. But I have always had a rule that I don't date people that is in my class or that I work with, maybe it sounds stupid to some. But I think it is a nice way to protect both myself and the other person if it is not working out. We will be in the same class for the next 3-4 years, so if it ends bad it may be really hard to focus, etc. for one /both of us.

    Any tips? Should I go for it? And if so, how?

    I will at least try to get to know her better, but I like to show a little bit extra when I am intrested in someone.
     
  2. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah get to know her. Just go up and talk!
     
    SorryWontSayIt likes this.
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You can either take the risk or escape from it.

    Maybe it will end up in a bad breakup. Maybe it will be awkward, distracting, messy, and unideal. You can either believe that you would both be too weak and immature to handle a break up or you can push yourself to grow to someone that's strong and handles things maturely.

    What if what if what if what if what if... There's always a what if for anything in life. There's never a guarantee that things will work out. Will you spend the rest of your life rationalizing why you shouldn't go for what you want because you don't think you'll be able to handle it? You're never going to be ready to face uncertain situations. Especially if you don't allow yourself to experience them at all.

    My advice is to go for what you want and handle whatever the consequences might be. Whether the experience ends up positive or negative, you'll grow from it and be able to handle future experiences better.

    Instead of having expectations of things going right or things going wrong... just live out the experience, see what happens, and learn to handle whatever happens.

    Your mind will always rationalize and list reasons of why you shouldn't do something. It's protecting you from uncertainty and discomfort. It's trying to protect its current identity. If you take the risk, your mind doesn't know what's going to happen. Your current identity fears its own destruction.

    The price of having a new life is giving up your old one.
     
    SorryWontSayIt likes this.
  4. Air0

    Air0 Fapstronaut

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    Whoa
     
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  5. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Thanks to both for good respons!

    I totally agree that the brain is "over-protective" haha. I will start talk to her next time I see her, see if I get the same feeling from her as I did at the party. Because I have never noticed her specially interested before the party. So at least get to know her more :)
     
  6. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    Face your fears. Don't run away from your anxieties or worries about this situation. Often times in life, you will come across something scary, something unknown, something mysterious and difficult to predict or understand. Don't run away from these things. Lean into them. You'll realize that, most of the time, you can just push through them. When you get to the other side, beautiful things are often waiting for you.

    Yes. Take the plunge. You might get hurt, it might not work out as you had hoped, and there will be unexpected twists and turns that you didn't prepare yourself for. However, you will gain experience. Therefore, you stand to lose a lot more by avoiding or postponing the situation than you do by facing it, accepting it, and living through it. If you don't do it, you'll stay right where you are. You might be comfortable with where you are, and it might seem safe, but it sounds like you want something more than that out of life. So find out what that is.

    Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Don't hide your intentions and don't hold back. I think you'll both be glad you did.
     
  7. Haddock

    Haddock Fapstronaut

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    I think you should take the risk if you love her (or at least if you think so). Love is always a matter of taking a risk at some point. I personally believe in marriage. Not taking risks may be avoiding pain but is certainly not being happy. Just sayin'...
    I know it's easy to say but it is as it is.

    Since she has taken your phone, you can safely assume she is interested (of course if she does that to anybody, my advice is "run"). Wait something like 3 days (so today is good) and ask her to go for a walk or anything you know she likes. I would personally avoid the clichés "cinema, drink etc...". Then be yourself (easy to say too, I know.) and you'll see.

    Don't go too fast if you first want to know her better ;)
    Good luck !
     
  8. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for more replys! :)

    I don't think I can say I love her, but I would like to get to know her better :)

    She was very shy, and I am a bit shy myself, but I will try if I have the chance.

    Normally when I am out talking to girls it is me who have to ask them for the contact information, but she just asked for it and took it and added herself. There was a bit chaos at the party as I said earlier. She also had to leave a bit earlier to me, because she was going to a event you would need tickets to, which I did not have. So before I left I gave her a big hug and told her to have a good time. At least tried to show bit interest in all the chaos while being a bit unsure (and a bit drunk).


    Had a really busy day at school today, so was not able to talk to her sadly. But hopefully I will tomorrow if the possibility is there :)
     
  9. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Really busy week for both of us, so have not really made time to talk too much with her. But we have started to talk more on snapchat and facebook atleast :,) hopefully we will have more time for each other to be "face to face" soon :)
     
  10. Haddock

    Haddock Fapstronaut

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    Sounds great buddy ;). You're on the right path !
     
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  11. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for support! :)

    We talked even more yesterday. I know I want to ask her to hangout, but the next two weeks I can't :\ The next week I will be too busy with work and school (finals), and so will she. The week after I have to leave the town for a week. Hopefully I am able to talk to her at school/in class next week.

    Maybe I overthink this, maybe this was weird of me. But I scrolled trough some of her facebook pictures and saw a picture with her and an other boy. I don't know if thats just a friend or her brother... or maybe her boyfriend?
    I know I overthink it... well at least, I can just see where it goes from here and see how she acts the next time we text / talk face to face.

    I will at least promise myself, that if she does not lose interest during the one-two weeks apart, I will ask her to hangout /on a date.

    But I will also bring one good experience from this. After my last "break up", with the last girl I dated, I lost all hope in love and feeling a connection. Now I can see it is possible again, at no matter how it works out, I can at least see that I should not give up :,)
     
  12. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You're still over thinking and being too reactive.

    Don't wait for signs or guarantees that she's interested in you. You're not a mind reader. People more often than not get signals wrong and make the wrong assumptions or the other person sends the wrong kind of signals anyways. It's just not a reliable way of seeing if the other person is interested or not. If you want a clear answer, then be bold and clear about your intentions. Stop trying to predict what she wants. Just go for what you want and then you'll know for sure if she's interested or not.

    You have to take risks. You can't only just take action whenever you feel ready or you feel sure that the other person wants the same thing. This is how manipulation, deception, hidden intentions, and playing games happen. Because both parties don't want to be the first person to put their neck on the line by going for what they really want out of fear. So they play childish games that vaguely test for interest and thus receiving vague answers. "I'll act like I like them, but not too much just in case they don't like me back... I'll wait 3 days to text them back... I'll make sure they don't catch me checking them out..." It's immature, insecure, and a waste of time for everyone involved.

    You don't want to start a relationship like this. Will you only try to kiss her when you're sure that she wants to kiss? Will you only try to have sex with her when you're sure that she's ready? Place more value on what you want. Stop feel guilty, uncertain, or ashamed of your desires. Meet her halfway by going for what you want. Then it's up to her whether or not she wants to join you. Rather than both of you playing games trying to manipulate the other to make the first move.

    If they don't like your honest self expression from the beginning, they won't later on. So either do it from the start or you'll have to trick and convince them to stay with you for the rest of your relationship. Be clear and bold with what you want. The faster you do this, the faster you can be rejected and move on to other people that want the same thing or the faster you can be accepted and get the relationship started.

    It doesn't matter what the other person wants. That's their business to decide. Your business is what you want and going for it.

    It doesn't matter if she's happy to see you or she looks depressed. There's no right time. There's no ideal circumstances. There's no guarantees.

    It doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend or not. You don't need to stalk her. She'll tell you if she wants to be with you or not.

    What you're doing right now is investing a lot of emotions and thoughts towards her and taking very little action. So what happens if she rejects you, a date doesn't go well, or she turns out to be someone you don't like? You'll be devastated. A lot of people have this problem. They over invest before taking any action and finding out for sure in reality. This is how people end up having a crush on someone for years without the other person ever knowing it.
     

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