Dale Carnagie Fucked me up, (Conversation Tips)

Wanted to post this for anyone whos trying to improve their conversation but it doesn't seem to be going well.

Dale Carnagie wrote "How to Win Friends And Influence People" one of the greatest self development books ever made, I highly recommend you guys check it. The first lesson he drills into our skull is "Be Interested not Interesting". So what did I & many others do? We shined the conversational spotlight totally on the other person, saying little or nothing about ourselves. I think Old Dale meant to say "Be Indirectly Interested Not Interesting"

Yes people love yapping about themselves. But too many questions too soon totally kills the vibe. Questions force people to converse whereas statements allow conversation to unfold organically (More on this later). Questions make you look like you've got an agenda, we've all had some creepy salesman be friendly, only to try & sell us on something later, lame! But worst of all too many questions too soon sub-communicates you got nothing worth saying so your trying to take the social pressure off yourself, take your pick, its all bad.

I can hear the lords of the friendzone & the trolls typing already so I just wanna throw out there, IM NOT SAYING BE A NARCISSIST. Its cool to ask questions but your interest should be earned not given freely. Reserve it for when people actually say something interesting that you genuinely wanna know more about, otherwise its best to keep your interest indirect.

I like to focus mostly on myself initially then slowly transition to the other person. The beauty of this is its a great way to screen out people who aren't compatible with you & to direct the flow of conversation. If I share a story about the time I went camping & the other person doesn't, its probably cause (A) they've never been camping or (B) dont like the outdoors much. I now know this isn't a good topic so I'll throw in a statement (NOT A QUESTION!) to change subjects. Something like "You dont strike me as the outdoorsy type" & they'll be like "ya im mostly into XYZ". Same information I'd of got if I asked "Do you like the outdoors?" "No? Well what are your favorite hobbies?" *Shudders* dont be that guy. I hardly ask questions anymore cause I genuinely dont need to & I must say people respond to me alot better for it.

Conversations alot like boxing, a light jab here a little combo to test the defense there. You don't start throwing haymakers right out the gate you keep it subtle, feel the other person out then react accordingly. Take a lighter approach & you'll see your results improve almost overnight I guarantee it.

Best of luck to you guys