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Cultivating habits that boost will power

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by kruznick, Jun 14, 2019.

  1. kruznick

    kruznick Fapstronaut

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    I stumbled across this book by Kelly McGonigal that talks about practices someone can adopt to boost their will power; which I think is essential for Fapstranauts. I'm linking a video to her google talk below:



    Here's her goodreads book link if anyone wants it.

    https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10865206-the-willpower-instinct

    Hope this helps!
     
    recon117 likes this.
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Motivation, inspiration, and willpower can all run out.

    Things won't always go your way. You have to be willing to do things that might not work. That are outside your current level of confidence, competence, experience, and comfort zone. Doing things that have no guarantees. Things that you don't feel like doing. Things that scare you.

    If you don't have a strong enough reason for doing something, then you won't be able to face the higher level of obstacles that leads to higher level of rewards that others aren't willing to work for.
     
  3. kruznick

    kruznick Fapstronaut

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    Agreed. Concrete reasoning is imperative for succeeding.
     
  4. I want to counter this, but everything you've wrote there is truth. One thing I've found is that reading motivation/willpower/self-help stuff usually ends up deleterious- the author or speaker or whatever puts across the false image of having found 'the answer' and it becomes frustrating and eventually disempowering when ones' own experience doesn't match the state of hyper-positivity promoted in that material.
     
  5. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    Gents, let's not fool ourselves, there's no sufficient reason and there's no sufficient will power for us to do things that we have been conditioned not to do, as manifested through unconscious repressed emotions.

    I knew cigarettes and alcohol kill me and I had all the reasons to stop these habits. And yet, no matter the reasons and the will power I just never came about quitting. Until I dealt with the loneliness I felt in teenage days (lead to smoking) and the pain I went through during university/temporary living with emotionally abusive father (lead to drinking 12 beers a night, every night), there was basically nothing that would have helped: no matter how much I read about the negative consequences or any book about quitting/developing habits.

    My personal experience taught me something: deal with your emotional pain and life will work out just fine. Why? Because once you process all the crap in your subconscious, all the limiting beliefs, all the feelings of inadequacy and fears and worries, you'll be less constrained by your subconscious and your brain will then find it so natural to decide what's best for you, because there is no baggage; you won't need will power. I now wake up at 5am without an alarm clock, until 2 months ago it was always a fight. Do I go to the gym always immediately after I wake up? No, because I feel resistance, so now I'm focusing on finding out why do I have that resistance, not how to "hack myself to do it", but what's the emotional stop behind it; once that's cleared, probably going to the gym will be instinctual, or probably I'll develop a different morning habit.

    Will power will depress you, because your body will signal to your brain that the environment is not correct. Stay 6 months in a mentally unhealthy environment and you will develop clinical severe depression.
     
  6. That's profound proper, thanks for posting that. I'm glad you've been able to stop drinking. 5.5 years for me but I do have a cigarette in my mouth so I have some work to do on that one, hahah...

    It's amazing how much of an effect environment has on ones' wellbeing. I've gotten to the point where I simply live alone so, quite literally, I am the worst influence in the entire building right now :p
     
    kruznick likes this.
  7. Very true!!! currently finding out about feelings and emotions aswell after pushing them aside for all my life. Can you update me when you find out what's holding you off of gym? Or do you have a log?
     
  8. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    It would be fantastic to know which emotion is related to which behaviour, because then I'd list up all the behaviours and beliefs I have that I want to change and go through them one by one. It doesn't work that way.

    After the fact, I could identify something like this (from behaviour to source):
    - nail biting -> anxiety -> fear of the future -> lack of trust in other people -> been disappointed by my dad's unkept promises
    - nice guy syndrome -> door mat attitude -> I'm not important -> my opinions don't count -> mom resigned emotionally from family -> dad's behaviour was overpowering her
    - acne -> anxiety -> fear of rejection -> I'm not good enough -> emotional abuse from dad, in the sense of "well, as expected" (when taking low grades, failing exams), instead of "let's work this through together"

    With the gym, my current belief is that it follows this thread:
    - not going to gym -> not being disciplined -> unworthy of being cared for -> boredom > was left to my own devices, unchallenged

    The resistance comes from being unchallenged, don't find meaning in doing specific things since I didn't find it either in childhood. So I have to put myself in a state of boredom, not loneliness, and then feel that emotion of boredom without immediately seeking an activity; that's easier said than done, since I developed habits to overcome boredom...
     
    kruznick likes this.

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