Crooked Crown and I’m ok With It :)

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Queenie%Bee, Sep 24, 2018.

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  1. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    My youngest just told me he texted his da “ yo where you at thought I’d see you today headed to Ryan’s in an hour “

    “ oh ok I probably will see you when I get out of work tmrw “

    Never said where he was .

    Stupid . Immature. Manchild .
     
  2. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    He’s a dick . His sister called to see how the day went and if we had a good conversation. I said he’s not here . I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing .
    So unbeknownst to me she started texting him saying me and the kids were worried about him ( ugg I wasn’t really worried about him , she was ) SHE reached out to him concerned that it was 10:30 n none of us know where he is .

    His response

    Not sure why you are involving my sister. I will be home late morning tomorrow to do a few things and get ready for work. We have inventory. I was giving you space on 1st day back. I didn't want to be around on my day off. Stop involving my sister. It is none of her business. And I already had to explain some things to her a few days ago . Stop involving my sister she shouldn’t know anything.

    Of course I didn’t respond .
    If he hadn’t lied to his sister constantly over the last couple weeks she wouldn’t have started to call me . Gfy .
    Once again , HES upset , with ME .
    Gah let’s just have a conversation and then GTFO . Keep showing me the REAL you . Cold . Heartless .
     
  3. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Hey just sending you my prayers and thoughts.
     
  4. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Thank you ❤️So obv telling his sister didn’t mean what I thought for him ?
     
  5. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    This mother fucker .
    Same shit . Same story.
    RI - strip club . He lied n lied on the 11th time he told the truth .
     
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  6. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Yup...it’s truly mind boggling. I’m actually finding my PA quite interesting with his lies. Maybe I’ve detached, but it seems when I loose my shit, it delights him. I’ve decided to let him go and dig his own freakin grave.
     
  7. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I am just beside myself . I had hoped we could’ve had this conversation in a different way . But , he is “not an addict , that he WAS an addict before . But now he can handle a little porn . “His mindset is so effed up . He can’t believe a divorce will have to happen Because of lies ? FFS . Is he actually a sociopath? Used “ caged husband “ used “ you want to lock me in the attic to keep me perfect”
    He used “ you want a honeymoon to last 30 years “
    He doesn’t know me . And I don’t know him anymore . Brought up finances . Me not working when I said , so you spent the family money on strip club and laptop . Raised his voice “ THATS MY MONEY IM THE ONLY ONE WORKING YOUR PAYCHECK PAYS THE PHONE BILL “
    Omg . I can’t . I don’t know how to do the next steps .
     
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  8. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Well...when my PA through his temper tantrum...I said “sober up, clean up and grow the f*ck up, you’re almost 50yrs old. Then he ran away .

    I’ve done what you are questioning, sociopath, psychopath, borderline narcissist? Finally I decided it’s his shit to fix and figure out . I just have to look after me and protect my interests.

    It’s a solid mind f*ck of epic proportions. So sorry you’re going through this.
     
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  9. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Ugh I hope he runs away . Without draining our investments first .
     
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  10. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Yep, I know the delight you speak of. It seems like they get some kind of kick out of the torment. It also reminds of something I experienced a lot, “Cheaters High or Duper’s Delight” . There’s some great articles on the topic.

     
  11. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    This sounds all too familiar. I had this for years and years...it’s tormenting, and crazy making bullshit!!

    Who the fuck does he think he is after everything he’s put you through!! Makes me mad!!

    Hang in there lovely!! You are not crazy, you are not worthless and you are certainly not a fool to all his bullshit. He is the sad one, he needs serious help, he needs a wake up call. As GW use to say, he needs to hit rock bottom!!

    Thinking of you and sending thoughts of strength and love your way xx

     
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  12. From what I've seen now in Mourde's father when they get to this point the only help is a live-in rehab. If yours isn't willing to accept he's an addict and still in lies that deep and thinking he's recovered I wouldn't lose sleep or emotions over him. Seriously your health is way more important than this. Hugs to you. Be strong for you and the boys.
     
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  13. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    I'm so, so sorry for all that you are going through. Is divorce inevitable? If so, you need to file ASAP. He will be held accoutable for every penny he spends. Even if you aren't working, everything is considered marital property and he cannot claim it's all his. This may be something you need to do to protect yourself and your boys. If nothing else, most lawyers give a free consultation to give you your options.
     
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  14. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I’m thinking I’m left with no choice , again .
    What happens when you have a hard line in the marriage and all of a sudden your spouse says that lines too hard . I’m not budging . No more P , no more LIES .
    Him : I know you don’t want to be with me anymore your emails were clear
    Me : it’s not that I don’t WANT to it’s that I CANT . I can’t be lied to ever again and you can’t even promise me you won’t try

    Him : ( nothing he just looked sad and at the ground )

    FFS I’m tireddddd
     
  15. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    He sounds like he’s full of self pity and playing the victim as they do. I remember a few years ago, when my husband was still deep in his addiction and in total denial about it, refused to do any recovery work because in his opinion he didn’t have a problem any more and blatantly telling me he’d rather we lost everything, the house, break up our family etc than him having to try, or get into recovery, it was all too much work for him and in his words not worth the effort...not to mention he didn’t see the harm in his behaviour, it was me who apparently was just overbearing and trying to control his every move. It’s a miracle that we are even where we are today. If I hadn’t been so financially trapped I don’t know that we’d ever have had the chance to work through it because back then I think I would have left a thousand times over....he was such an uncaring selfish addicted prick!
     
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  16. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    He sounds like he’s full of self pity and playing the victim as they do.


    BUT HES NOT SHOWING SELF PITY , he is saying he fucked up . But nothing to do to repair . Almost it is what it is
     
  17. HonestyMatters

    HonestyMatters Fapstronaut

    Yep I just meant the looking sad and at the ground part, a lot like self pity...

    And yep, I hear ya, the “ is what it is “ part. I got that so much too. The “ oh well, this is me , if you don’t like it and can’t accept it then too bad! You can’t expect me to be something I’m not, I can’t live like this “ absolute bullshit!! Too bad I’m just a tormented and mind fucked wreck over here!! :mad:
     
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  18. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    What a weirdo . He left a notebook out that he was working on at hotel the other night it was titled
    GOALS 7/20
    Detailed !
    Diet plan
    Exercise plan
    Hygiene plan

    I swear I almost wrote :
    STOP LYING TO MY WIFE

    His priorities and focus are so effed up . I know what it is . He’s thinking he’s going to be single , can’t be the lazy unshowered slob he’s been for me
     
  19. You two have talked about divorce? I know Mourde when deep in his cycle wouldn't shower daily or exercise and it ticked me off bad. I know now when he isnt doing those things yours has listed that Mourde is actually heading into a cycle.

    I know my biggest problem is I dont listen to my husband as much as I should. I assume and that's when things go badly. He does the same with me.

    Him admitting he messed up and basically screaming out he feels caged is how he feels...you cant change that. He also cant look at porn as an addict ever again.

    And as much as we may hate it on an SO side...the addicts have to heal themselves before they can heal relationships.

    Boundaries he shouldn't argue but discussions help to understand why he feels how he does.

    It's hard I know and I'm not saying what he doing is right. Good hygiene isn't a bad thing though? It depends on his real reasons.

    Try to smile today please.
     
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  20. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I know that list is his list for being a single man . I’m no dummy . He should’ve asked to go back to couple therapy to discuss his caged feelings . Or to me BEFORE buying another laptop and lying about it . He was only no M FOR 4 months after DDAY 1/17-4/17 while we were in couples therapy. Well there lies his ED and lack of desire . He’s just a liar
    “ I only lie with this , I’m not a liar “

    Right but he’s been lying / hiding : omitting our ENTIRE marriage. I just didn’t know it . Until I did . This is the first time divorce has come up . It just doesn’t matter , he offered nothing in the way of what he’s willing to do to fix this . He thinks he can PMO once in awhile . It became multiple times a week again . He’s an addict . How he chooses to see it I can’t change . That’s the hard line in the sand , isn’t it . He wants PMO once in awhile, I don’t want it in my marriage. A nice healthy sex life filled with desire for ME , not riddled with ED , embarrassment, humiliation .
     

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