Crooked Crown and I’m ok With It :)

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Queenie%Bee, Sep 24, 2018.

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  1. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Take a deep breath...and detach...
     
  2. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I REALLY wish I could . I think it’s the queen bee In me to want closure of sorts . I hate waiting a whole week more to feel the reality . I know I keep saying it . We leave Saturday morning and I know I will feel such an immense amount of anxiety leading up to it. It will be a full month since I’ve seen him physically. Like a stranger .
     
  3. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Ya I hear ya...I was shocked and surprised by the change in my PA’s behaviour and attitude after a three week absence. My anxiety shot through the sky. Hang in there girl...don’t let thoughts of him destroy your vacation...even for a moment.
     
  4. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut

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    Your boys sound amazing. You must be a great mom.
     
  5. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Thank you ! As good of a mother I am and my kids are living breathing proof , am an even better wife , however my husband is not living breathing proof , wait , he is , just not the REAL him
     
  6. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Lol...you have a sense of humour too. Right on
     
  7. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Ha ! You have no idea ☺️ My wit
     
  8. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Moments of clarity when you really dig deep and start to dissect what you REALLY had .

    SLIGHT TRIGGER ?
    Let’s talk about sex baby , let’s talk about you and me , let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things let’s talk about sexxxx .

    Of late , reminiscent of old days when deep in it . Robotic , routine , kinda boring , like his chore . Once a week on the wknd on his day off in the morning , no kissing or passion . Just became sex . I physically did all the work . Me on top . Once in awhile he would actually thrust . Wtf . Why did I let this continue. Was he even there ?? I just reread my journal from 16’ to today . Holy fucking shit . I was a MESS internally. What was I doing ?? So many sex issues with it . There was ZERO desire for me for a long time . I think when I get sad I need to re read it . We were not connected since DDAY 16’ really other than Aug-Dec . Sure there were these REALLY great connections but riddled with questions and inconsistencies, DE , PE , , ED . We’d have an AMAZING passionate intimate moment which would get my hopes up that it would happen more . And then NOTHING . I know I KNEW it . I began questioning myself . Listening to Intimate Deception. It’s empowering actually.
     
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  9. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Journal entries are great for review.i hear ya on the mechanical sex. It’s a tough road to be on.
     
  10. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    It’s a very weird twisty lonely road for sure
     
  11. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    I started Intimate Deception, too, and WOW! I did not expect to start crying on page 1! So profound.
     
  12. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    100% I’m glad I listened to it not read it . So picture this :

    I’m on a floating dock , listening in my head phones no one around , she starts saying this scripture towards the end of the book ( I’m not very religious) it made my whole body shake and tremble and it all just came out of me . EVERYTHING. But something strange happened, I felt a calm come over me , the trembling stopped and I felt more validated than I ever have in my life . God I wish I picked this book up years ago . I am firm in the thought I would not be i the position I’m in now . But I probably never would have found NOFAP . I’m so glad you picked up this book . ❤️♥️ I think ALL SO NEED TO READ THIS . Get HOOPLA from your library for FREE .
     
  13. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    You are the second person to have mentioned it in a two week span, and it's the first I had heard of it. Looked it up and it looked amazing. It does not disappoint.

    Btw...if anyone is the kind to write in the margins and highlight...DEFINITELY buy it.
     
  14. Going to pick this up! Hugs to you this evening!
     
  15. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    @Real Roboin this is how I’m doing :(
    Life changes about page 9 on this journal .
    I’m not really DOING . It’s just all so frustrating
     
  16. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Have you read anymore of the book ? I’m curious if you other ladies get what I got from it ♥️
     
  17. I just started listening today. Chapter one. It's pretty right on the spot.
     
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  18. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    No, chapter 2 right now...working a lot and running kids around.
     
  19. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I. Am. Tired.
    It’s better than the adrenaline from a trigger . But I’m tired . I changed his name in my phone to STRANGER . And changed his contact pic to a tiny black heart . It was def kinda cathartic. That’s who he’s become to me in the last almost 4 weeks . I know when I walk into MY OWN HOME Saturday , I will feel like a stranger in my own home . Anxiety and Anticipation are what’s keeping me up late . Not the fact that I’ve slept alone for almost a month . Surprisingly after sleeping next to HIM for 23 years , the effect of not sleeping next to HIM is not bringing on the loneliness I thought it would . So many nights I slept “ alone “ anyways . Listening to content snoring while quietly I cried myself to sleep . I’m no fool , I know this is going to HURT . To actually feel what it’s going to be like . But then again it’s been almost 2 weeks since any contact at all .
     
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  20. Sadgirl

    Sadgirl Moderator Assistant Staff Member Moderator Assistant

    I loved this book=it is my favorite on Betrayal Trauma because I felt understood.
     

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