Cortisol hit to remove urges, a weird way I began using and it works

So this is something I have thought of using before many times but didn't because well it is an extremely bitter pill to swallow.

I guess I am posting it here because I want some feedback on this method. It is probably even a very sad and pathetic method.

So I used to have a gf 6 years back and after she ended the relationship I over a span of 1-2 years fucked up every aspect of my life which kind of led to me self-medicating with PMO. Now I am over her. She is happily married. But it was very traumatic for me. I did obsessively check her up in those days. Made me feel like shit.

Now I am good at not thinking about her. I even think I am over her. I never think about her or dream of a future or think of the past. I absolutely don't. But the sight or news of her gives me that same sinking shattering feeling(there was another guy and she really destroyed me as a man with the things she said when she left, I can rationalize why she said it but it still hurt like hell, like nothing else ever has, except I guess PMO). So now that I am really trying to beat PMO I thought lets use that.

I am 8 days into my journey. I relapsed 3 days back. In fact I began 8 days because I checked her up and it tore me up. So when I relapsed I again checked her up and it tore me up and stopped my binge and I am now 3 days sober. Today I again was feeling the beginnings of an urge and checked her up just a google search, we are not connected on any social media. And it tore me up and stressed me enough that the urge just vanishes.

I think the reason it works it because it increases cortisol in my head. I am guessing here. Similar to cold showers but this works even better I feel. Should I continue to do this? It really works.

I reminds me of all the things I could have had, in life in general and with a woman (not her) and even though it makes me very sad for a few minutes to some hours, I am filled with determination to fight to beat this and get those things. I know I still definitely can.

I am 28 years old. I am trying to do other things too like eat right, no smoking or alcohol(which is actually very easy for me, I was never hooked to those), meditate, slowly trying to build a habit of exercising. This method is like my emergency button.

Please guys give your point of view and feedback. I would also really appreciate if some females can say what they think.

 

Thanks man.

In the last 6 years I have worked pretty hard. I was PMOing everyday and fatigued all the time but I have learned a lot about people, dealing with people, the world in general. In spite of everything my experiences gave me enough confidence in my abilities that I took the big step of starting up on my own. Granted my business is not doing as great as I had hoped but that is not because I am an idiot or because my business idea is stupid. I know that on a gut level. It is more because I am fucked up of this habit, I am unmotivated, I lack in aggression, I am very highly inconsistent. I will probably have a shot at being the guy best at doing things improv but I know that is simply not enough. It is recipe for more failure.

As a kid I was a bookworm. I read books like crazy. Now I still read, but nowhere near as much as before and that too mostly online. Reading is one good habit that I had and still comes a bit naturally to me. I don't get bored reading.

I believe I am about as healed as can be without the PMO recovery. The only thing I need to do successfully to improve all areas of my life and this is something I believe absolutely and wholeheartedly is that I have to reboot. Of course successful rebooting means I do other things also, build other good habits.

Using the imagery of my ex-gf to stop myself relapsing is a way I found I can successfully cheat my addicted brain. After all pain is supposed to make us better. My previous painful experience with my ex-gf gave me the worst habit of PMO.

Is it to too bad (or wrong?) that now I want to use that same pain to do something which is actually beneficial to me, my brain and my life.

 

I am not taking cortisol artificially as in medications. I read somewhere that what cold showers do is spike the cortisol in our brain. Because it is not something we want to do or enjoy, doing it increases cortisol so we train ourselves to handle more stress.

Begin Quote
[You know how acutely raising your dopamine, as in watching porn, eventually leads to less dopamine effects on your system because of decreased sensitivity?
Well, acute exposure to cortisol can also help decrease its chronic levels.
Cold showers are stressful, but they help your body respond to stress in a way that turns the “volume knob” on other stress way, way, down. (Sound familiar? Except this time we WANT that to happen.)
So expose yourself to stress in the form of a cold shower. You’ll lower your cortisol and up your superpowers.]
End Quote

Here is the link: https://phoinikis.tumblr.com (I know it's tumblr, but I assure you it is safe)

I am using the stimuli of checking up on the exgf to kill my urges because it makes me sad and I don't feel like PMOing anymore. So my logic is that I check up on ex(not something I want to do because it is unpleasant) my cortisol spikes up, dopamine jumps down. And I also train my brain to handle stress better so next time I am feeling down I do not self medicate my PMO.

Does this make sense to anyone?

 

thanks for replying.

I am as over her as possible. Any weakness I have is due to PMO. I really do not want anything to do with her. I don't even hate her. I have accepted the thing. All I really want is to live my life to my full potential. But yes looking her up makes me so dejected that the PMO urge just vanishes.

I just wanted to use this as a cheat code for my brain and wanted some feedback.

Really appreciate. thanks

 

Thanks for replying.

I too think of it as a short term thing. I expect my willpower to become better as my brain balances so I won't have to continue using this hack. But as a urge killer and stop a relapse this is the best that I have found personally speaking.

As to the long term implications of this. I think long term problems have already happened to me. Emotional pain, PMO, PIED, career losses and all.

The pain as well might do me some good and help me get rid of PMOing. PMO was like my alcohol to cope with the pains of life.

Thanks, really appreciate it.

 

I didn't even realize I wrote it like that. I am for the most part able to rationalize her leaving without judgement. I guess unless I am able to turn my life around I will feel a certain level of betrayal. I do believe she was one of the best people I have ever met. There was nothing evil or twisted about her, even when she was ending things. She was a good woman, that made it even harder to move on. Not that I was a bad guy either, just I really thought we would live our lives together. I tried hating her too, but I was kidding myself, I never could. I don't think I love her anymore, I do have a soft spot.

I changed the line. It sounds more grown up now.

As to my future plans it is so damn hard. Now I have relapsed twice in 10 days. It is demoralizing.

PMO is like really holding back. I absolutely cannot access my potential. It is 2nd 3rd rate existence I am living.

Really helps to write here what is going on in my mind.

Thanks.