So I've been having some trouble recently. I'm a 20 yr old male and I've been masturbating for years. I've had a lot of weird attractions in my past and this one I just cant let go for some reason. I really can't tell if I'm attracted to kids sexually or if I just want to have kids badly or if I can just appreciate how cute/pretty they are. Truly. I've always wanted kids but also at a younger age had somewhat of a fetish I guess? Now every time I think about it I just can't get an erection unless physical contact occurs but also at the same time there isn't as much of a drive if any like there is when I think about women. Maybe both and one just isn't as intense? I have also had a history of childhood sexual abuse so that may be contributing? I probably just need to see a counselor but idk. Also usually (almost every time) when I masturbate I'll find something that I actually enjoy but will compare the feeling and will just end up confused.