Consequences to prevent relapse.

I’m trying to get my thoughts together to formulate an effective and realistic consequence/s for his slip-up (twice) after 7 months clean. The list I formulated after D-day explicitly stated that lying would end the relationship immediately, but relapses if disclosed honestly and timely, would be dealt with individually. But I never specified what that would look like.


I’ve been thinking a lot about how this last 7 months went down and I realized that he’s never had to EARN the trust and forgiveness and love I’ve given him after D-Day. I completely GIFTED him that, with grace, by my own decision because I wanted my relationship to be better and it couldn’t grow without my forgiveness and willingness to move forward. So, I did just that, and I poured my love and support into him and he was doing great. Until he decided to watch porn again, twice.


So, I’m thinking that because he doesn’t know what it’s like to have to actually earn his spot back as my husband (because I’m not interested in sharing with porn stars), and he doesn’t know what it’s like to earn trust and forgiveness based on HIS actions, because he’s always been forgiven and given mercy; He’s never had any real consequences. Perhaps this time it’s time for me to try option B and actually make him EARN it.


So, my question is how do I do that? How have you gone about it, what worked and what hasn’t?



Because I know that for the next AT LEAST 7 months, I’m not gonna trust him or be able to relax and enjoy my marriage. I don’t see how you could gain someone’s love and trust back, make love to them finally successfully and wonderfully for the first time in 7 goddamn years, and then so easily give it all up for porn again, knowing damn well all that will be over and you’ll be sleeping on the couch indefinitely.

 

Thanks. We’ve already done all this and it worked for 7 months but now we are back to square 1.