Consequences of your "old" life...

Hi BoyMan! Welcome to nofap. Congrats on 80 days. It sounds like its working for you.

When I had a GF, I found that if we didn't "do it" for a few days, I'd be very sensitive, and ejaculate quickly. To remedy this I told her I'd have a short refractory period and be able to go again shortly, hopefully while she was still in the mood. Since it built up for so many days I would be ready to go again.

I always thought it would be ideal to "do it" regularly so that I could stay "in shape" in terms of stamina and all that. or I would fap to help promote my stamina.

But sometimes I would fap so much, to ensure that I would last long... That I couldn't even get it up! (one time I was gonna visit a woman upstate and so I did PMO that morning so as to prevent sensitivity. And by the time I got there, I couldn't get it up!!! That was awkward!!!)

I tried ways to "control myself" through deep breathing "circulating the energy" etc but I really wasn't good at resisting ejaculation. I could only last when I was desensitized by having ejaculated recently enough.

I think what I would do would explain to her that I need more practice or if we do it less frequently, I hope she will give me a chance to go again after the first time I bust, at which point I will be able to last longer.

The funny thing is she would be more interested in having sex more often if I lasted longer. But I wouldn't last longer unless she would have sex more often with me.

 

Hi BoyMan! I always wondered about sprays. Does it also affect her sensation? Ya, "premature" ejaculation is supposedly fairly common. Nothing to be ashamed on. In fact I heard its a biological function because if the woman "finished" first, she might not continue having sex with the man, so sex wouldn't lead to reproduction. The man has to finish first, while the woman still wnats it, so that she will get pregnant. (its one theory) So thats why women take much longer to finish.

So I think its sad that society makes men feel inadequate about this just like how society shames people with heavier bodies, when heavier bodies serve a purpose in nature.

Do you meditate? I think that a mindfullness-meditation mindset about sex would help. Like really feel every sensation. Don't make it like a porn, just going hard and fast, because I think they actually inject themselves with some kind of pain killer before scenes. Instead try to feel every feeling along the way. Every slight movement could produce a new tingle. So just stop and notice it. But don't make it about making yourself "finish", don't make it about resisting "finishing", don't make it about her "finishing" or "has she finished yet", etc. Let go of the performance anxiety and just be in the moment.

And what drives the performance anxiety? For me it was fear she would leave me, fear she wouldn't love me anymore if I wasn't a total dynamo... All stuff implanted in my brain from watchin porn and setting these higher expectations. Its like going to the gym expecting to do a pro bodybuilder's workout and look like him not realizing how many growth hormones and steriods he is taking. And thinking I must be a failure, etc.

I mean male sexual performance anxiety is a deep issue. Sorting out the deeper psychological/emotional aspects of it will probably take some time but be the most long term solution. Maybe your GF will be supportive of you if you just tell her, "look, I have performance anxiety, and I need your help working through this"