Confused.

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by NeedingAnswers99, Nov 9, 2018.

  1. NeedingAnswers99

    NeedingAnswers99 Fapstronaut

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    Hello all,

    Brand new to this.

    My boyfriend and I met about 10 years ago in high school. Became really close about 5 years ago, and have been romantically involved for about 3 of those 5 years on and off.

    I am currently 19 weeks pregnant, and he is aiding in raising my young daughter from a previous relationship.

    About two weeks ago, he told me hes been battling a porn addiction for about 6 years on and off. I had no idea. He was always very sexual by nature, which has always been a struggle in our relationship. I feel lied to and hurt, that hes kept this secret from me for so long.

    I know all the sites and doctors say "it's not about how sexually attractive you are" and all that but I cant help but feel like I'm just not enough for him, and maybe that's why hes continued his porn addiction.

    When he told me I was so upset. Cried for hours. He looked me in the eyes and said he wanted to he the man I deserved and a good father to our children. That hed never look at it again. Well here we are two weeks later, I ask him how hes doing with it all and he tells me he looked at porn the other day.... so if I had not asked, he more than likely would not have even told me.

    So now, I feel even more hurt, lied too again, and some how I'm supposed to just accept his apology and move on.... he says sorry alot, for hurting me in various different ways so I feel numb to his apologies. He says he's sincere but I dont believe him.

    What's a girl to do?
     
  2. In the beginning don't listen to what he says he is trying to make promises without having the skills to fulfill the promise.

    Him not telling you is an issue, is he on this site? I have helped other addicts with disclosure and understanding the importance of honesty.

    This addiction has nothing to do with you, but only time will heal that wound and thought. I've been there, and to this day I have my off days and think that and I am almost two and a half years in. So I get it, and being pregnant probably doesn't help.

    You don't accept the apology and move on. You have been traumatized, and you might experience betrayal trauma from this, which most of us SO's have now. Check out my resources thread, that's a good place to start and get educated. We are all here to support and encourage you!
     
    Nate1879 and Numb like this.
  3. NeedingAnswers99

    NeedingAnswers99 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, I really appreciate it.

    He is not on this site, but I think he should be and I'm not sure how to approach giving him this tool. I just learned about it today.

    The difficult part is he doesnt see not telling me as lying. He doesnt understand how traumatic this is for me at all.
     
  4. Fair, just say that you want to support him and learn about his addiction and found this site and it's really helpful. Give him the link and see if he goes on. Everyone here is really supportive of each other.

    Omission is lying, and I think he is lying to himself when he says it's not lying. It seems he is scared to face things, which addicts usually are as things begin to come out about their addiction. And if he comes to this site he can check out my resources thread and there is stuff on Betrayal Trauma which would be great for him to learn about
     
    Committed to One likes this.
  5. Committed to One

    Committed to One Fapstronaut

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    Helping Her Heal
    By Dr. Doug Weiss has completely removed any confusion about how much pain and trauma my addiction has caused.
    The is a 5 minute video on the link above that will help your guy to understand what is going on with you if he is willing to watch it. I bought the video series and am in the process of watching it with my wife. I wish I would have seen this a long time ago. I'll be praying that he is open to it and willing to get on here and start the process of getting sober.
    Best wishes to you and I am sorry you are joining the millions of women who have been deeply wounded by the sexual addiction of their SO.
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.

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