Confused about this girl ? Was I just being used ?

It sounds like she likes using you like an emotional tampon. She likes the fact that you're convenient, and you're making yourself too available for her. Not only that, but you're only getting scraps and not even a proper meal. She enjoys teasing you, but you're letting her. Have some more respect for yourself and move on.

 

Don't waste your time on her! plenty of other fish in the sea

 

You ever drunk dial an ex at 1am on a night when you were trying to hook up at a bar but nothing panned out? Well she's doing the female equivalent of that and again using you as her emotional tampon.

 

Well yeah, I guess it very well could have been that too. It was after all your birthday.

 

You got what’s in my opinion a rock solid answer and I agree with it.

She’s using you.

From what you’ve told us I think she enjoys having different guys she enjoys toying with. Yes she texted you happy birthday at midnight but how many other guys did she text before and after that one??? That midnight text is meaningless.

Also the number one thing you said that indicates she’s not interested in you is when she talks negatively to you about her boyfriend. You’re her buddy and she sees you as someone that she can share complaints with. You’re not going to be anything more then her buddy. If she was into you she wouldn’t be talking to you about her boyfriend. She knows that be a turn off to any guy. She’d want you to know with 100% certainty that she’s not interested in him, she’s interested in you. That isn’t happening in this case.

I had a gal a few years ago string me along and it’s horribly emotionally. It can make a guy end up bitter and misogynistic. I agee with the admonition to move on.

 

Flirting can happen between strangers or heterosexual friends and it’s a social behavior in general. It’s like a game. It can be more intimate and then we are going to another type of flirt, but in your case, I don’t think it’s the later but the kind of making her feel approved. So, from what your write she has insecurity about her womanhood and sexiness which use you as validation. Now later you say she uses sentences like "I want someone..., There is not someone.... etc. It may be truth and just sharing her concerts with "a friend" or just having a manipulating behavior towards you. So best case scenario, she is in pure thoughts about her flirting with you and happens unconscious and she see you as a good friend which can share her problems about boys and life in general. Worst case scenario, she is a manipulative, insecure woman that use you as validation and wants to keep you close to her just for that. Keyword about the later: you temp me, if boys were like you (innuendo), push and pulling you and fishing compliments and a validation of her sexiness from you. I will not tell you what to do. You can decide if you want to be on the sidelines, used for validation with just the expectation of something, maybe will happen in the future or move along with your life. There is also a third way, to do to her what she does to you, but I don't believe it worthy of your time and energy. And of course, you can try to stop having feelings for her and just be friends ignoring her manipulation and stop validating her. Probably that will put her on more offence also since for her, your validation is like porn for us. A reward that produce dopamine. But just your validation only, not you as a person or as a man.

 

You're only being used because you're allowing yourself to be used by not moving on. You know she's not available, but you're still interacting with her with the hidden intention of winning her over and you're trying to decipher everything she says towards you desperately hoping for a chance to be with her.

It doesn't matter what she does or says, if you weren't still trying to chase an unavailable woman then you wouldn't feel used.

The confusion should've stopped the moment she rejected your request for a date, but you didn't move on. You're making it confusing for yourself because you're still hoping for more after you found out that she's not interested in dating you.

You got a clear answer by being clear with your intentions, but now you're sneaking around her and thus you're confused.

You say that you're close friends. She's telling you about her problems because you're her friend. So either be her friend or don't be her friend. Just don't pretend to be her friend while trying to manipulate your way to something else. That's called playing manipulative games. You feeling confused and used is the result of doing that.

 

This guy, this guy gets it. You're one of her beta orbiters. If she wanted to bang it would have happened by now. Move on.

 

Yep females hold the keys to sex. If they want to have sex with someone it will happen. A women will generally have what is known as beta orbiters who float around her in the hope of getting some ass but instead are used by the girl to get stuff or provide utility to her. You sir are her shoulder to cry on called the emotional tampon where you absorb all her emotional bullshit like a sponge.

If you want to learn how sexual dynamics work i strongly suggest you read a book called the rational male by Rollo Tomassi.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862 This will help you immensely my friend.