Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Kratos_GOW, May 14, 2019 at 3:10 AM.

Do you have something in mind?

  1. Yes i have to Confess something.

    2 vote(s)
  2. No, i want to be Alone

    0 vote(s)
  1. Kratos_GOW

    Kratos_GOW Fapstronaut

    So i see a lot of people holding stuff in their minds and that kills them from the inside. I recently lost someone in my family due to the this thing. He kept to himself and one day he is gone. Just like that!
    So i am starting this thread.
    I just hope you guys can just get some form of closure of make your heart less heavy.
    Don't worry nobody is going to judge you here, we all are going through stuff. But whoever is in this community, i want you to know you are not alone.
    Just trying to help. Good luck
  2. DekuHope

    DekuHope Fapstronaut

    A God? Indeed
    But a human ? Always
    CH3RRY and Kratos_GOW like this.
  3. Kratos_GOW

    Kratos_GOW Fapstronaut

    You got that right
    CH3RRY and DekuHope like this.
  4. Dakshinamurti

    Dakshinamurti Fapstronaut

    Fuck. I need to tell somebody this thing that's been eating me up inside.

    So I, and a great many people out there it would seem, developed an unhealthy fascination with the 'teen' genre right?
    I can't be the only one given that it's now apparently THE most popular genre on the internet.

    So it all seems well and good right because the 'actresses' have to be over 18 yeah? They'd have to be on the books and provide ID and that kind of thing.
    And then I started learning, and REALLY thinking about what trafficking is; I always thought it was abduction and transportation to another country etc. I have since learned that trafficking is coercion, deception in any form in order to force someone into sex work.
    It's well known that a lot of people who get into porn 'acting' have extremely troubled pasts, a lot would be wanting to get away from their own past history of sexual abuse and end up re-traumatising themselves by running away to the only thing they know- abusive and forceful relationship dynamics.

    One night when I was struggling with this whole thing, yet still fully acting on the compulsion to visit tube sites every day (it's alright cus this video literally has 500,000 views and it has a 'legit' porn site's watermark on it,) I had this realisation.

    I used to buy cigarettes and alcohol, starting when I was 15.
    With a fake ID.
    I looked NOTHING like the dude on my ID and it said I was 24, the guy had a full beard and I couldn't even grow a moustache.

    That realisation has led me to some new lows, the guilt and anxiety and sense of futility, and it's so hard to type but other people need to read it. Even if it sees me up shit creek and fucks up my whole life, I can't bear to think that I knew this in the back of my head but continued to do it, so I want other people in recovery to read it and factor it in the next time they're thinking of relapsing.

    I bought cigarettes and booze with a fake ID; the store owners and clerks would have HAD to have known that I was not the person on the card.
    As if some certified, horrifically sadistic amateur porn producer who gets off on and runs his entire business on the principle of violating his staff gives a fuck. It's probably part of the game for them, especially the part where they offer them their first line of cocaine.

    Please, let's make sure we never go back there again. Whatever consequences we face and life circumstances yet to be revealed, let's just move forward and do away with making the vile choices that we have made, for good.
  5. TheSuperMan

    TheSuperMan Fapstronaut

    I lost my virginity at 19 to an escort. I hated being a virgin and I was way too insecure to even think about getting a gf.:( If anyone asks me how I lost it, I lie and tell them I just met her at a bar. Still not a good story, but better than the truth....I guess.
    Dakshinamurti, CH3RRY and Kratos_GOW like this.
  6. Kratos_GOW

    Kratos_GOW Fapstronaut

    What happened happened, past is past. You will move on. As long as you understand it was wrong you will become better
    TheSuperMan and CH3RRY like this.
  7. Dakshinamurti

    Dakshinamurti Fapstronaut

    I lost my virginity to a heroin addict who I am pretty sure was also a prostitute at the same age. Unprotected.
    came inside her.
    She propositioned me, I can see in retrospect that she was drawn to my innocence. Horrible shit man, I know the feels. So much about my sexuality I'll never get back, BUT I can acknowledge that, acknowledge the damage that has been done and make good choices regardless.

    Wow, I'd completely forgotten about that, hahah... No wonder sex makes me feel guilty and empty. Therapy's fucking great.
  8. Kratos_GOW

    Kratos_GOW Fapstronaut

    As long as you remember thats was bad and how you felt then you will never do it again good luck.

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