Commitment issues and Isolation

Harvhe · Nov 2, 2015

Im probably not as alone as i think but i would class myself as a very isolated person in a domestically personal sense, outside of a workspace per-say i have barely no interaction with people who aren't immediate family.

Granted its a lifestyle i've lived with for a while, but it has its notable caveats in that i don't really share time with people and i can easily develop trust issues and distance myself, both dis-empower me but are protective to my state of being, which is really what being isolated is all about. I don't meet as much of a scope of people, but i do pick out at a time people who really take my fancy and i admire them immensely, in my experience of going to university, i was in a candy store of people and inevitably though i am a great believer of keeping my options open I got smitten within the first month and the resulting cycle destroyed me.

It goes a lot like this.

The issue is circular; I am alone and to be honest rather plain and anchored where i am, therefore i reach outward to people, naturally pursuing company of both friendly platonic and intimate kinds.

Everything goes smoothly providing i dont let my mind run away with me and keep my skills in romantic assimilation (sounds rather cold and pragmatic when you say it like that but i assure you it isnt really that much) sharp and to the point, i get rather far and we both enjoy each other's mutual company.

I at this stage i stack up the evidence in my mind, try to deduct my feelings towards them take into consideration other factors, with most women i stop around this point for the point of the first reason or other reasons.

It soon hits a peak horizon where i could progress onto more serious ground if i break the ice enough potentially, obviously because i care about them and grant my protective wing over them i decide to 'spare' them from being tied down to myself, it is a unavoidable ultimatum i can't get past. Often they take it badly.

Regret, withdrawal, certain amount of heartbreak and perfect breeding ground for dark thoughts and PMO escalation, which funnily enough is where i stand today. Rinse and repeat back to the start a year or two later.

I guess if you've noticed it, the reason i say I so much is because its the only word i have to describe self being definitively. Numero Uno. Isolated and alone by my own hand.

It sounds silly but when you are forced into the position it is a very heartbreaking and defining truth. This is a thread about myself but i would very well much like you to share your own thoughts and feelings and perhaps similar instances to this please.

Deleted Account · Nov 2, 2015

I to am alone, I sit here day after day, can not look at p can not m can not be self centered, can not have a women friend, what am I supposed to do? I mean there is nothing for me in terms of dating . so theres the pain of being alone and the pain of having 'my hands tied' a 20 year old habit that I can not do any more. still nothing. nothing but a deep loneness and my heart feels tormented at times.

wally_s · Nov 2, 2015

yukon said: ↑

20 year old habit that I can not do any more.
Click to expand...

Hey yukon, thanks for posting. It takes time to recover from an addiction, especially one that has been active for many years. We are going to experience discomfort in different ways. Try to be patient with yourself as you put together some time. Do good and healthy things. Get out and about, smile and say hello to people. We take things one day at a time on this path. Wish you all the best!

Getting clean · Nov 3, 2015

Harvhe said: ↑

Im probably not as alone as i think but i would class myself as a very isolated person in a domestically personal sense, outside of a workspace per-say i have barely no interaction with people who aren't immediate family.

Granted its a lifestyle i've lived with for a while, but it has its notable caveats in that i don't really share time with people and i can easily develop trust issues and distance myself, both dis-empower me but are protective to my state of being, which is really what being isolated is all about. I don't meet as much of a scope of people, but i do pick out at a time people who really take my fancy and i admire them immensely, in my experience of going to university, i was in a candy store of people and inevitably though i am a great believer of keeping my options open I got smitten within the first month and the resulting cycle destroyed me.

It goes a lot like this.

The issue is circular; I am alone and to be honest rather plain and anchored where i am, therefore i reach outward to people, naturally pursuing company of both friendly platonic and intimate kinds.

Everything goes smoothly providing i dont let my mind run away with me and keep my skills in romantic assimilation (sounds rather cold and pragmatic when you say it like that but i assure you it isnt really that much) sharp and to the point, i get rather far and we both enjoy each other's mutual company.

I at this stage i stack up the evidence in my mind, try to deduct my feelings towards them take into consideration other factors, with most women i stop around this point for the point of the first reason or other reasons.

It soon hits a peak horizon where i could progress onto more serious ground if i break the ice enough potentially, obviously because i care about them and grant my protective wing over them i decide to 'spare' them from being tied down to myself, it is a unavoidable ultimatum i can't get past. Often they take it badly.

Regret, withdrawal, certain amount of heartbreak and perfect breeding ground for dark thoughts and PMO escalation, which funnily enough is where i stand today. Rinse and repeat back to the start a year or two later.

I guess if you've noticed it, the reason i say I so much is because its the only word i have to describe self being definitively. Numero Uno. Isolated and alone by my own hand.

It sounds silly but when you are forced into the position it is a very heartbreaking and defining truth. This is a thread about myself but i would very well much like you to share your own thoughts and feelings and perhaps similar instances to this please.
Click to expand...

All this sound familiar to me. I wish to share a post with you. These are my own words as to why I stay isolated. Why I choose to run away so often from intimacy.
I looked into something called attachment theory. it has helped me identify why I choose to fap and do what I do. I am an anxious avoidant type in my attachment style. Here is part of a post I put up earlier. I hope it helps.

I have a problem with intimacy - getting close, allowing connection to a significant other. I crave intimacy and fear it in equal measure. Fearful avoidants like myself blunt out the ancient pain of disengaged fathers and absent mothers I am poor at relationships because getting close means getting hurt.
Healthy and loving attachments as children make secure adults. No brainer.
I project onto a partner my anxieties and fears developed as a child because they become an attachment figure, and if I have insecure attachment problems, which I do, I end up drawing away and hide my sexual frustrations in porn. I don't get hurt. I can objectify women as a fantasy without connection. This is my problem. I have run away from closeness and intimacies for so long I have forgotten how to give and truly love. This is the "void" for me.
The big question is...... how to build up that poor sense of self, low self esteem, lack of confidence in this area? How to heal the inner child? How to start growing in to a secure adult?
The isolation is killing me.
I just gotta get through the next 88 days and GET CLEAN!

You have asked yourself a question in your post. I hope you find what drives you to be who you are and kick it out of yourself so that you are free once more to gift yourself full intimacy and closeness to another.

Peace and love buddy. Keep the faith.

GC

Kyoheix · Nov 4, 2015

Getting clean said: ↑

I have a problem with intimacy - getting close, allowing connection to a significant other. I crave intimacy and fear it in equal measure. Fearful avoidants like myself blunt out the ancient pain of disengaged fathers and absent mothers I am poor at relationships because getting close means getting hurt.
Click to expand...

That reads like the story of my life. Have you got any pointers to overcome that?

Getting clean · Nov 5, 2015

Kyoheix said: ↑

That reads like the story of my life. Have you got any pointers to overcome that?
Click to expand...

Hey,
I will get back to you later today. I'm in the UK so later today for you could be the middle of the night!
Chat soon.
GC

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Commitment issues and Isolation

Harvhe Fapstronaut

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wally_s Fapstronaut

Getting clean Fapstronaut

Kyoheix Fapstronaut

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