Coming out, seeing it for what it is, and staying tough

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by YogiBlues, Feb 2, 2016.

  1. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,
    Thanks for reading my first journal post. I'm a 48 year old male. I was born in India and raised in an orthodox Hindu family. I had a good attitude towards girls when I was very young- in middle school- and got along very well with them. This, however was very non-conformist behavior in my peer group at school and I got teased about it so much that after that I pretty much went into a shell when it came to girls. At home at least I had my sister whom I was close to and could talk to, and although I won't say that my family had/has a healthy approach to sexuality, at least we didn't see boy-girl interactions as weird. I started masturbating sometime around 15 or 16, and in those days luckily for us there was no internet porn. The stimulation was from magazines (not even porn magazines, but images from newsmagazines), comics or a racy pic in a newspaper, sometimes seeing a hottie down the street that would turn me on. Being endowed with a tremendous sex drive I wasted my energy considerably. Luckily it didn't affect too much of my academic performance although it might have contributed to my mild depression. College was even worse because the technical institute I went to had very few women and the guys around treated girls only as sex objects (they'd never got any of course!) and porn magazines were freely available and it as accepted as normal to masturbate. Only a few guys I knew abstained. Sometimes they screened porn movies in the common room and I was always conflicted about the objectification of women as sex objects even if I still loved the sensation of ejaculation. My attempts to try and date were pretty disastrous although I fell in love with one girl and we kept in touch but I got rejected eventually. Pattern: Rejection by women always sent me into a spiral with PMO. It was to become a defense mechanism. I moved to the US 27 years ago for grad school. Although the freedom of being able to ask someone out on a date was great, it took a long while to actually do this successfully, and all the time there as more porn available. Luckily I had a lot of other interests and hobbies- playing guitar, learning Sanskrit, learning to dance salsa etc and especially the dancing with women made me feel less inclined to porn. At least for me there's a direct correlation between success in sexual relations with real women and moving to PMO, but I had already done the damage. All my infrequent sexual encounters with regular girlfriends or a one night stand were really disappointing - I thought it was whiskey dick at the ONS, at another time condom impotence with a gf, but I never made the connection that it was PMO! Then I dated my now ex-wife and surprisingly we had great sex, and often. I guess at that time I was off the PMO. It was the only relationship where I can honestly say I enjoyed the sex, and I was in love for sure for a while there. Once she got pregnant though (and unavailable for sex) I found myself turning to PMO again- now that I think of it that was pretty sick. Got divorced but kept my job, took care of my angel of a daughter through the separation, and now am stably settled in my successful career, but still when I started dating after divorce the same PIED resurfaced. I thought it was because of lack of emotional connection, but just last month it hit me so hard- the aha! moment: all my difficulties with real sex stemmed from PMO. Luckily for me I've been on a deep spiritual path following yoga and meditation for 6 years. I have been able to quit addictions before: quit smoking to pick up squash (the game), quit drinking to succeed in meditation, but PMO is the last one I'd been ignoring. Decided to quit on Jan 8, 2016. Had to reset on the 18th (got scared of the flatline and had to try the dick to see it worked- foolish; of course it did, and the semen was more and thicker, but the PM was unnecessary). Back on the wagon for about 15 days now and loving it. Hope to keep strong. I realize I was using PMO to counter stress, depression, boredom and to avoid going out and confronting my sexuality and to avoid the hassle of real relationships. Just an easy way way out to pleasure myself and not deal with the situation. This is a good revelation. Thanks for reading this far if you did.
    This forum is great. It opened my eyes. I knew it was foolish to keep at PMO all along- all our yoga texts and teachers say so, but you have to hear it from real guys in your generation to get the message loud and clear. I wish you all have your aha! moment and don't slip. Hope to keep posting and help others here. I'll say that my strong meditation schedule prevented me from getting too seriously deep into the addiction in the first place- mine has been long, sporadic in parts, but not too deep. Hoping to stay away from PMO and enjoy real sex with a loving partner soon.
     
  2. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Day 21 after reset.

    Some interesting thoughts coming up about self-concept as a man, following two attempts to check whether I can get an erection without any touching or stimulation. After reading other threads I see this is pointless and counter-productive to quitting PMO and will stop, but it got me to thinking that something about getting an erection is tied to my self-concept as a man. And I now question that. I think I have been deceiving myself as to what it means to be a man. I have been denying that I've bought into misconceptions probably arising from media overload that to be a man means to be virile, to have a good-sized penis (whatever that means!), to be sexually strong, to perform well in bed, to please a woman (maybe many women), to be attractive to many women.. All this is stuff I feel I've been fed by media and socio-cultural messages. But in truth I think all this does not define a man.

    I now feel a man is defined by self-control. To have enormous power and to choose when and where to use it.

    Sex is power. But there are so many ways of expressing and using that power.

    Men express this in so many ways- I've not done all of them, and I'm grateful for that!

    One is PMO.
    Another is going to escorts and prostitutes.
    Another level is going out to meet women in a PUA attitude.
    Another level is going out just to meet women, maybe no PUA pickup lines.
    Another maybe dating a steady girlfriend, getting engaged, getting married, staying monogamous.

    Right now I am not in a relationship, so I conceive of another possibility.
    This is just being available to women, even if not trying to pick them up. Sharing the same space, the present moment and one's energy as just another human being with them. Just doing what I'm doing, living my life, and enjoying the fact that there are women, sometimes beautiful women, who happen to also be in this same world that I inhabit. And that they are a gift. People to interact with, just for the sake that they are there as another form of consciousness, nothing more and nothing less.

    I imagine a situation where I can connect with a woman on a spiritual, intellectual, emotional AND sexual level. This I feel is most deeply satisfying.

    The other levels of connecting also provide different levels of pleasure, but I feel they leave the complete human in me unsatisfied. Sex without emotional connection does somehow always end up leaving me feeling drained and dejected; wanting more. It is as though we crave that complete connection. That's why PMO is at the bottom of the scale, and at least for me (not to be judgemental here) I could never bring myself to go to an escort or a prostitute although I've considered it and fantasized about it.
    Casual dating of more than one woman at a time gave me a foolish high for a short time once, but it quickly made me feel hollow. I had to decide- one or the other pretty quickly.

    In the end I think it is this complete union at all levels that is most satisfying. And the sex drive is simply one aspect, the physical, of that union. It is beautiful and enjoyable and delightful when it is consensual and wanted equally by both.

    But, here's the great revelation to me: it is not imperative to use the penis all the time and to O. Unlike hunger for food, the satisfaction of sexual hunger is not essential for human survival.

    Humans, and men in particular, can get along without sex! I had fooled myself into thinking that once semen is produced it needs to be ejaculated. No! That's just not true. By conserving it wisely, we generate the drive to elevate our interactions beyond the physical (coming from the reptilian brain), to encompass the emotional (mammalian brain) to intellectual (human brain) to spiritual.

    It is natural that men should want to have sex with women, but when it is done in this complete communion, I think it is sheer joy. That's why I think I don't want to be defined by whether I can get an erection, or not, or whether I can perform in a particular way, or not, or whether I have many women, or not.

    I am a real man because I have self-control.
     
  3. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Another interesting observation about the sexual impulse. What part of it is in the mind and what part is in the body?

    P is definitely just a mental thing. Somehow we've associated the mental images with the ejaculation and the chemical changes of pleasure that they induce. But the weird thing is that doing that seems to defeat the very purpose of why we have a sex organ and a sex impulse. It was to make us go out and meet the other sex. And to use our organ when it is needed- with a consenting mate.

    When we don't do that, we're doing something unnatural. By abstaining from PMO, we're letting our hormones do their work. Slowly build up desire to meet a real woman. And progressively ascend in our interactions with a woman to encompass not just the physical, but the emotional, intellectual and spiritual aspects.

    So by controlling the mind's desire for instant gratification and pleasure, we're letting our bodies do the right thing and integrate our experience to encompass consummation of that desire for mind, body and spirit. Because we are all those - not just a mind, and not just a body.
     
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  4. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    Good read. Thank you! Keep strong!
     
  5. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! It is tough sometimes. Unfulfilled desire, unrequited love, letting go of dreams- these can be frustrating, but PMO is not the solution. Strangely it is just the connection to others on this forum that is so supporting!
    Wishing you strength on your quest too!
     
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  6. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Day 23. Feeling awesome today. Haven't had any urge to look at P for a long time. Even stopped really checking on the counter. But it doesn't feel entirely like flatlining, because it feels different from the first couple of weeks when my dick had just shrunk away and there was brain fog and no sexual impulse at all. More recently the sexual urge has definitely been there, although I stopped testing the erection even without hands after realizing that it was kind of pointless when the point was to quit PMO entirely. Some mental readjustment (reflected in earlier posts) was necessary to do this. I do feel horny from time to time but it is quite different from the PMO view of women. This is a lot healthier. I can't say I am unaware of say a hot woman (although it is 14F right now so luckily there's little chance of seeing anything lol!) but its a whole different lens. Mostly a lot of processing the last relationship that wasn't. Trying to clear that from my thinking as well and trying to live in the present. There's a set of books on personality theory based on the Enneagram concept by Don Riso Richards and Russ Hudson that I recommend to anyone who's interested in learning about their personality type and how it might affect their relationship. It's like a blueprint to your and your partner's thinking and behavior! Scarily accurate.

    Still need to start getting more active- must go to the gym. Started teaching a yoga class on the weekend for free which is fun.

    Insight from this morning's meditation. There are three petulant children in the mind who have to be disciplined by means of wisdom.
    One says 'I want sex and a relationship' repeatedly, "I have not got enough."
    This is desire. Its antidote is practicing contentment. Not a passive contentment, but recognizing that things will happen with effort in their own time. PMO is not the answer. That's a cop-out based on weak rationalization.
    The second child is Entitlement. It whines 'I deserve better. I was so good. ' Its parent is ignorance. It does not know the cosmic scheme of things, or even what is truly good for itself. Its antidote is humility, acceptance, gratitude for what is already given, and surrender to God.
    The third child is Regret. It says 'if only I had done something differently, or if the world had treated me differently, everything would be so much better.' This child must be killed by the wisdom of living in the present.
    The first child can be tamed and desire can be channelled into useful action. If it is starved too much also it will grow into a terrible giant and overwhelm wisdom. Thus the senses must be wisely regulated and given appropriate outlets.
    There are good children of wisdom too. They should be cultivated and made strong.
     
  7. I enjoyed reading this YB, thanks for sharing.
     
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  8. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Colin, I appreciate the feedback. I checked out your blog. Thanks for sharing the story of your journey. More strength and power to your recovery plans my friend. We're all battling these same addictive mental tendencies that drag us down in different forms. I've been through the quitting smoking and drinking experiences, so I wish you all the best with that. It definitely can be done. The smell of tobacco now puts me off when I was a pack-a-day smoker in the early 90s. There are bottles of wine in the fridge which I never look at after quitting the booze around 2009. So I think the same must be true for PMO. I'm looking forward to the day when I can say the same for P and women with whom I am not contemplating a relationship with. Just have to change that mental attitude, and it is only that which seems so hard sometimes! It is focus on what I am doing that eludes me these days, especially when I encounter obstacles or blocks in my work (as I am now!). But going back to it with renewed purpose now...
     
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  9. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Day 28: So far so good. Working out at the gym for the last 3 days is doing wonders. I have tons more energy, less sexual thoughts although I feel tremendously virile, and I'm getting up way early- like 330am! with a lot of energy. But my main obstacle is still the abundance of sexual thoughts. These are mostly associated with real women; mostly with the last breakup, but some also with an earlier one; very rarely with any porn. I think the brain is still strongly wired to thinking about sex a lot of the time. Which got me to wondering, what is the normal range of time that men my age (48) spend thinking about sex? Pretty sure there's a wide variation, but does PMO obsessively make the mind go into the grooves of sexual thoughts so that it can associate that with ejaculation and the release of chemicals that relax and pleasure the brain? So rewiring is retraining the mind to say, no, you can't have this whenever you want; only when you are with a real woman and when you both want it and are into each other. So this means a lot of postponement of gratification, and using that same energy to do other things meanwhile- things that are good for oneself and those around. So it would seem that the more healthy avenues one gives the brain to get its chemical fixes, i.e. not another addiction, but a variety of healthy alternatives such as exercise, music etc, it will unlearn this habit sooner. And to not allow triggers of depression, rejection, anxiety, stress and loneliness to make the mind reach back for this PMO fix. Seems like some clarity is emerging from this thinking...
    Got to confront it, fight it and WIN.
    Got to take charge of my own destiny. Better thoughts lead to better words and better actions, to better habits, to a better personality, a better character and a better destiny (loosely paraphrasing Swami Sivananda).
     
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  10. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    One more day down, and not looking back.
    Working out at the gym helped majorly today- felt totally pumped.
    Set up a dinner for later in the week with an ex-gf with whom I'm reconnecting as friends just to get out of my rut of staying home alone a lot. I hope just socializing with women whom I'm comfortable with will help the recovery process- that's more the mental aspect of not feeling defeated. I've sort of got myself stuck in a mental state of thinking I can't date anyone, and only I can cure myself of that also eventually after my recovery. No more a victim but from now on I am the creator of my destiny.
     
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  11. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    I read WOTL's posts on curbing the 'look' towards women- Swami Sivananda has the exact same advice- he says 'curb that lustful look'. One revelation today- downside of porn is that even with real women I find that after watching it I was too often wanting to rush the physical aspect of the relationship. It wasn't that way with my first gf where it never got physical but the heartbreak soured my mind. I went from idealizing and idolizing the women I loved to starting to think callously about their sexual aspect. Yes, most women these days may have a varied sexual history, but thinking of them as whores is not useful to, or respectful of, MYSELF! And I am no chaste saint either. So setting aside sexual jealousy and sexual judgement is a big part of not relapsing after rejection for me. In the past I'd just think 'what a ho' and turn to PMO. Now I realize I was just hurting and disrespecting myself. Only if I respect myself can I attract the right woman to me after all. And if she has a past, so have I. Letting go of judgemental thinking is a big part of this for me. Opening the heart to loving compassion.
     
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  12. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Day 41: Haven't checked my days since starting this reboot in a while and happy to see I'm coming up on the 6 week mark. I've definitely stayed off the P and no new P sub excursions thankfully. I have been thinking about sex with real women, one in particular, a fair bit. It hasn't lead to M, but the thinking and borderline fantasizing leads to erections. Definitely no O also. So I'm reasonably happy with my progress. A lot of thinking and improvement in viewpoint. Today's insights were from Taoism and the connection with Ayurveda, Yoga and Tantra.

    The Taoist principles as I understand them from Mantak Chia's book are really useful. First of all the human is taking in this life force (chi or prana) from the Tao, or Brahman or Cosmic Principle. It is what digests our food, and in Yoga and Vedanta we know that the finest part of food becomes the mind. So eating high quality (sAttvic) food leads to high quality thinking. But the mind is also affected by other inputs. Watching P is really terrible as an input to the mind. It is degrading to both women and men, and really most of it is so unnatural and disconnected with reality. So the mind is essentially learning to disrespect 50% of the world (the other gender). That's a serious illness actually. So disconnecting from P helps the mind really clean up and come to terms with reality. The other question is why of all desires is the sexual desire so hard to control? The clue to this also lies in Yoga and Ayurveda I believe. Of all the constituents of the body- flesh, bone, marrow, blood, plasma etc, semen is considered the highest and most refined product in these systems. It is said that 40 drops of blood go to make one drop of semen. So this is a highly concentrated energy. It is meant to be conserved and regenerated into the body if not used for its real purposes (at least IMO, if you disagree that's fine- I respect your view but I'm not changing mine for that so no need to argue about it :))- to create new life or to transmute it to spiritual growth. This is not any religious belief, but to me a plain and simple fact. There's nothing else that the gallons of sperm that I've ejaculated to P over the years ever come to be useful for! LOL :) The one time it did its job the product was outstanding. The only remaining question is why is sex or ejaculation so pleasurable? Whether you believe in God or evolution, you can rationalize that it makes evolutionary sense for the species to make sex pleasurable, or God has made it so in order for us to procreate, but wisely because we have some higher intelligence too (main reason why humans don't go into rut in a season; maybe it would be better for all of us if we did! :))
    But the bottom line is that if we just waste our most precious resource for the sake of pleasure, and that too while filling our mind with unreal junk, which is what PMO is, we're not really using our higher intelligence. Certainly it is very hard to disconnect that pleasure and reward circuit and its association with the images, but I think it is possible and very beneficial. Then what happens is this chi or prana that was converted into sexual energy (or ojas) can slowly be transmuted by bringing it up the cakras into the forms of love, creativity, dynamic energy, healthy body, good work, great intellectual accomplishments, poetry, literature and finally at the apex - spiritual growth. All that can only be done with some restraint of the pleasure impulse associated with sex. Sex with one's stable partner is the safest way to regulate this pleasure and also relate in a happy and fulfilling way with the external world. But this play of yang and yin requires skill so that it can also lead to higher spiritual development for both (as Mantak Chia notes so eloquently in his book). What I like about Mantak Chia's interpretation of the Taoist practices and the same is true of Tantra is that through great self-control of ejaculation, one can use sex with a woman for mutual spiritual development- this is a beautiful (although difficult) alternative for people like me who can't immediately conceive of giving up the full interaction with a woman altogether. Even if it seems like a pipe-dream for now, it's a good one! So for me the key learning has been: dissociate sex from ejaculation. The latter is wasteful, the former can be poetry of the soul if engaged in with a loving partner. Meanwhile practice self-control, since that is essential whether single or doing 'dual cultivation' as the Taoists call it.

    So after all this long-winded rambling, all I am saying is, I know why I am doing this, and it is good to be off PMO. This will help me convert the life force and food I take in to sexual energy that can be used wisely, and this way I believe the very purpose of life is accomplished. Thanks for reading. YB
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2016
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  13. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Day 43: Ok, that's past the 6 week mark now. This is actually going pretty well. Didn't get to work out today because I was stuck in a rather dull workshop on team building (bah!). Driving home I was getting a thought that would normally have led to PMO but I replaced it with the intention of trying to go work out or write on NoFap. So here I am. The days are good. Work is intensifying, which is not that bad because it takes my mind off the woman with whom it didn't work out. I'm hoping to taper that interaction off for good after we meet in about a week. Sometimes it is better to just let things go completely, but it has taken me a long while to get to this point. Going to put new strings on my guitar this evening and practice a bit. That and cook myself a good dinner and then work on a manuscript that must go out soon.

    Also will work on the energy moving exercises of Mantak Chia- absorb chi and send it to ching, and then work that up to shien.

    Insight from this morning's meditation:
    There is so much Bliss and ecstasy experienced in samadhi that is attained through meditation. One wishes it could be permanent. But being in the body one can't sit in meditation all day and so this awareness has to be brought into interactions with the external world. The descriptions of Tantra, echoed more explicitly in the Taoist practices described by Mantak Chia, talk about bringing this same ecstasy in the external world. The enjoyment obtained from the pleasure of O is probably the highest sense pleasure anyone experiences. This is why we get addicted to PMO. But it is not necessary to lose semen to have O. Now the Bliss of samAdhi is even greater than sense pleasure, but it is hard to stay in that state forever.
    When all the mental impurities are cleared, the mind is like a transparent crystal or a clean mirror and it reflects the One Consciousness into the external world. If one can transcend pleasure and pain in the external world, that is the true Tantric ecstasy, the oneness with Tao. But this requires great purity of mind.
    If one tries to attain this external ecstasy in a relationship, there has to be complete mutual surrender of body, mind and spirit to each other. If that does not happen, there can be great pain resulting from that union, and that involvement can lead to more pain than ecstasy. Therefore, unless the right relationship presents itself, it might be better to simply accept that I will only find a partial resonance in mind and spirit in other worldly interactions. And to treasure those for what they are, and use them to strengthen and support the internal ecstasy. Since the internal ecstasy of samadhi is attainable on one's own, it makes me easily centered and non-needy and non-desperate to be with a woman. Now the interaction with the opposite sex can finally begin on an even footing and many women who once seemed attractive start to seem ordinary, until one can establish that they are worth cultivating a relationship with.

    This is a position of strength and abundance. From here I can give to those who are in need, but not hanker after the attentions of any one person. Here is where I want to be, now and forever.
     
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  14. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Day 50: One day past the 7 week mark today. Good - a sense of accomplishment, but it has not been easy all the way. Now the urges are not to watch P really (this is actually the easy part for me), but to have some real physical connection with a woman. Unfortunately progress on that front has not been very good, partly because it seems that while I am healing I am not fully ready. I feel I need to stop thinking about fap/NoFap so I can step into something like that naturally. So probably this is part of the healing process. I must confess I still find it difficult to not "look" at women but it IS getting better. At least there is more of a mental check, and the instinct is actually to engage eye contact and smile. At such times it is a bit of a battle between the reptilian mind's wants and the mammalian and human mind's more evolved reactions. Also while the urge to P is gone, the memory of the pleasure of release during O still recurs from time to time.

    Couple of things that really helped:
    1. Keeping busy. Yes, the idle mind IS the devil's workshop. Make up a routine y'all. Fill it up such that you just DON'T have time to sit around and let the mind wander down those foolish paths.
    2. But although you need a routine, don't make it stressful - sounds contradictory I know, but the key is to not get stressed out since that is a trigger at least for me.
    3. Having a friend or family member, especially those who calm me down and make me feel loved and around whom I feel light and enthusiastic really helped over this last weekend.

    Be easy on yourself- at least for me this is very important because I have incredibly high expectations of myself. In spite of all this, the mind does wander. This morning I entered the URL for a dangerous set of websites but luckily I did not click through but closed the window as better sense prevailed. Yes, the mind tricks me still from time to time. It has long formed the association between pleasure and these artificial activities- the unreal connections that have no substantial basis; for it is only in the interaction with another real woman is there a complete connection. Yes it can be messy, but that should not be an excuse to go down the rabbit hole of PMO.

    Coming week is going to be hard in some ways. Meeting up with the most recent ex for dinner in a few days, knowing full well this is not going anywhere- that has potential for being a major downer. So will have to watch out for that.

    Have to keep reminding myself that O is really not that much pleasure, unless it is with a real woman, because of the drained feeling afterwards; at least with a real woman there is a nice feeling of having experienced something joyous together to mitigate that drained feeling.

    So, NO from now on to that solo fantasy nonsense. It's going to be self-restraint tempered by wisdom, or moderated indulgence with a real woman.

    I pray the Lord to give me strength to see this through for my own good.
    YB.
     
  15. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    There is the look, and then there is the look. I guess by trying to avoid the 'look', you mean that leering look where you are objectifying her as a sex object. But you need to be careful you are not 'put in your head' here, that you are not reacting to something. There is a true look, where you are just simply present, where you simply appreciate a woman's beauty. This look usually engages directly with the eyes, and your energy meets authentically and unashamedly with hers. Woman find this very attractive in a man.


    And congrats on the 50 days!
     
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  16. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Buzz my friend, You're so right there. It's strange but sometimes, usually in the morning when I'm fresh in mind from my morning meditation, I'll just smile or be really happy to meet anyone- man or woman- and even say a word of greeting. This is great as you say, and it is really attractive. On the other hand I have to be honest that there are still times, lesser now than before, when I'm aware of a woman's body first, and not connecting with her energy in a positive way. Part of it is the age thing- at the university most of the students deserve an avuncular or paternal look from me at my age, but that doesn't always happen. It is mental conditioning from watching P that allows these unrealistic possibilities to enter the mind. Years of not sensibly channeling sexual energy properly has led to frustration and inappropriate thinking. It will have to steadily attenuated by cultivating a better attitude.

    Thanks for the reminder regarding the difference though. I am very grateful for that and for your congrats on the milestone!
    Wishing you all the best too! YB
     
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  17. Nom De Plume

    Nom De Plume Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on 50 days, strong work.
    Nom
     
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  18. ByeForever!!

    ByeForever!! Fapstronaut

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    Hare Krishna prabhuji
    I really enjoyed reading all you wrote. Straight from the heart.
    I was never too addicted to porn but very addicted to masturbation. After joing ISKCON I always felt I had to leave this bad habit. After all there's no spirituality without celabicy. I wanted to feel the benifits of semen retention to the fullest. I wanted to practice bhakti and brahmacharya. It's not the just abstaining from orgasm but it's complete purity of the mind that leads to eternal joy. Swami vivekananda said that.
    I'll keep reading your posts.
     
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  19. aspirant

    aspirant Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on 7 weeks. I recently read your postings and your insights. I too have been practicing yoga seriously for the past several years and recently trying to meditate. I believe the answer lies within us and we will discover it through disciplined and sustained practice.
     
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  20. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Dear @ByeForever!!
    Thank you for your kind words. You are so right. My dear friend, you are so lucky you have seen these truths at such a young age. A great life lies ahead of you. I was not so wise at your age. Now my best hope is to continue my practice and encourage and help wonderfully wise young people such as you. Hare Krishna.YB
     

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