Close to being a 27yr old virgin

First of all, remain brave thru these troubling times:



Non-judgmental and honest truth:

You (I no longer consider myself a virgin nor a victim) are a victim of that which is so ignorantly known as highspeed "hardcore" internet pornography. Like what an abomination that phenomenon is.

So do not judge nor shame yourself here. It is fine you have not had the opportunity to have a real relationship with another human being and experience the intimacy you so sincerely desire.

Secondly, what is your favorite music Joe? Ever tried moderated uplifting music therapy?



Searchlights on you now bro I have to go take care of my own progress now so these are merely questions and thoughts for you to reflect on as I have to transition my forum usage to the new user section to greet new users:

1. What do you desire on your ideal partner in terms of positive personality traits?

2. What are your 3 favorite hobbies?

3. Do you love yourself like your life depends on it?

 

Gee, I'd really like to give some substantial advice, but I'm just younger and in a similar situation. Start working towards whatever you want I guess. Small steps and keep somewhat of a journal, doesn't have to be written, could be mental. When you do something wrong or don't do anything at all, just think about why and write it down, try to look at it at all sides. Seems to help with me.

 

I just want to say that I can empathise with your possition. I'm younger but in the same place as you (except as part of my faith I don't beleive in sex before marrige), but yeah it can be crushing sometimes.

The most important thing is that there are many here in a similar possition and can empathise and support you (post away on hear!)

My personal experiance and 2 cents:

They way to progress is slowly. Just try and move forward slowly, jut try and meet people in a casual setting and then work your way up for there! I think it also massively helps with staying clean as well beucase then you have friendships. Choose something you like and jopin a group! (I'm lucky, beucase through my church small groups / serving I know and meet people each week which has really helped build my confidence up and allowed me to talk to lots of different people (and is continually helping me to grow)).

But where I often get defeated is if I loose site of the end goal and just kinda 'want it all now'. I often do, and I have to be foreceful to remind myself that I will get there eventually, but if I just despair I never will and it just crushes me and makes me look at p and I'm back to square one. Life is a journy of little growths and improvements, look mback on the little achivements and use them to push you towards your next ones!

I use prayer where possible and talking to others in RL / praying with others who are in a similar situation as me to help spur me on and build me up (thought there is no reason it also can't happen on hear )

TLDR: take things little by little, we are here for you and can help, you can do this!

 

Confidence. Everyone responds to confidence. Potential friends, employers, and yes, even lovers. Especially potential lovers. Talking to girls is a skill, and being good at it will give you confidence. So if you are convinced that that is what you want then fucking go out and learn how to do it. There are web sites, youtube videos, books, or if you're more of a hands on learner, then go out and practice. Talk to real girls and see what works. Don't worry about getting rejected, because you don't have to see them again. Just keep working at it

And just so you know, dating and having sex are skills also. Dont feel bad about being bad at it at first, but feel bad if you stay bad at it. Once you get a partner you trust, ask for feed back. Every girl is different, and what one likes, another might not not.

 

Are you a romantic person? If not, you don't have to be in a relationship at all. Then you can have sex by casual sex or paying for it. If you have social skills you'll be fine getting casual sex. But casual sex is something that doesn't happen whenever you want. If you can't get sex for free you can pay for it. Prostitutes are not for everyone, but you don't become a loser for hiring a prostitute.

 

All of what I say is easier said than done.

Men, unfortunately, are taught to be less and less masculine.

Ask yourself a simple question? If you were a girl, (or guy whatever you're into) would you fuck you?

Then, look at a girl you like that is with another guy.. figure out what is it that he has that you don't.

Maybe he lifts weights, maybe he plays hockey, maybe he has a good job a good education etc etc.

What men have forgotten is that getting the girl you want is competitive as fuck.

I saw something that said dating websites have up to a 7:1 ratio of men to women. You like your odds?

An average looking girl, maybe a 7 can go online or go out and have good looking succesful.guys jump all.over her and really she has the pick of who she goes with.

So my question...after work do you go home and play call of duty? Or do you train in jujitsu and hit bar after for wings with your buddies?

Cause if you're the former, the latter will win over your bitch everytime.

 

Don’t feel ashamed of being a Virgin. I’m a Virgin, I’m 19, and I have come to realize after starting NoFap that my virginity is special to me. I personally plan on waiting until marriage to lose mine so that me and my wife share something special. Just wait until it’s the right time.
It’s totally fine to be a Virgin. In today’s society, porn has done a lot to make people think that they are losers for being a Virgin.. you’re not alone, there are lots of people here you can talk to if you need to

 

I'm a 50yo virgin. It's no big deal. Porn and society in general has made us all too obsessed with sex. There's a helluva lot more to life than sex.

 

Don't you feel ashamed about it mate. I'm 27 (almost 28) and never had sex with a woman before. I understand where you're coming from as i've been in such a situation at some point in my life. But let me tell you this, porn has created a rather distorted idea of what sex really is, not only does it give you a rather unrealistic portrayal of it but it's also given society the idea that if you haven't gone to bed with a woman come certain age you've failed spectacularly as a man. In other words sex has become somewhat overrated when you come to think of it in regards to how society views it.

As for what i could tell you is there is a lot more to life than sex. Do you have any hobbies or something you're really passionate about? Keeping your mind busy can really work wonders. Social Skills are something which can be learned and developed over time (and this is coming from somebody who's had trouble with them all his life and struggled to learn them) just don't demand too much from yourself, as in don't expect big changes in small periods of time because this can frustrate you and worsen your situation.

Try building what you could describe as the best version of yourself there is. But do it with self-improvement as the main motivation, not because you want to get a date or just get laid, because believe it or not this can be perceived by other people and can come across as repellent. I know this is easier said than done, and requires a lot of sacrifice but trust me once you get that covered and start loving yourself and realize you don't need sex to be happy in life then everything else will follow.

You are not alone. Feel Free to PM if you need any advice or words of support

 

27 is a bit too old to be stuck at home with your parents..true, but you're clearly working and have an exit strategy, fantastic!

As for the virgin thing.... It could be so much worse.

Sure, explaining to a woman you never done it before.. That's gunna be tough, but girls love an inspirational story with a happy ending.

Tougher still might be...

''Why do I live at home with my parents? My ex got the house... And the kids...child support is a bitch! So is she... Yeah she's probebly going to start harassing you on Facebook...just try to ignore it, she has mental health issues''

Or simply, ''I have something to tell you.. I have herpes''

 

I’m 25 in the same boat as you. There are times when it gets me depressed but things I’ve found have helped me in recent months have been:
• A Meditation Practice - Trying to stay present and not go down the rabbit hole of thinking about it too much
• Exercising - Lifting weights and doing different forms of cardio, preferably ones where your outside meeting people and getting sunlight
• Gratitude - Appreciating what you have in life that actually has real meaning, like friends and family. Also have perspective that being a virgin is a very trivial problem. Having recently volunteered at a centre for people with mental handicaps like downsyndrome, autism etc you realise that you could have been dealt a far worse hand in life.

For me social anxiety has always been my biggest reason for why I haven’t had sex. I would always tell myself when I was with a girl and getting extremely anxious as things progressed to just go home and watch porn and be comfortable. I’ve seen other people on these forums talk about how committing to NoFap has helped them with their social anxiety and I’m hoping the same happens with me.

Hopefully doing this NoFap helps both of us in this area of our lives though I don’t think it really matters that much.
Good luck

 

Man I'm 27 and I wish I still WAS a virgin, in my opinion sex outside of marriage is just as bad as PMO. But that's just my opinion.

 

At least you are stepping towards change, moving out of your comfort zone. Keep it up you will get there. Talking to girls is a skill, like anything in life it takes practice. Learning to speak as a baby takes years but you did it because you had too. You keep on working on yourself, and I saw another post say this:

The guy with the thing:

Talking to girls is a skill, and being good at it will give you confidence. So if you are convinced that that is what you want then fucking go out and learn how to do it. There are web sites, youtube videos, books, or if you're more of a hands on learner, then go out and practice. Talk to real girls and see what works. Don't worry about getting rejected, because you don't have to see them again. Just keep working at it

I'll let you in on my secret weapon with talking to girls this absolute babe:

https://www.winggirlmethod.com/one-insanely-simple-technique/

Just watch the free video, she does try to sell you her programme, and it's up to you if you want to take it. But watch the video all the way through. It changed me, and I hope that it'll help you. What have you got to lose. Good luck mate!

 

I have a daughter who is a 27 year old virgin. She is just as insecure as you are. Relax - be yourself. The porn world has made it hard for you to relate to normal girls. But they are just that, pretty normal. Be confident, kind and loving. Winning a girls heart is easier than you think. If you win her heart - everything else comes with it.

 

What makes you think not being a virgin will give you confidence when it comes to dating or talking to women?

 

You are only a loser if you think you are a loser