Chaser Effect, Psubs, and SOs?

It hasn't happened for us since he stopped PMO. However, we waited pretty far into his reboot to start anything like that. What day is he on?

 

OK around day 50/60 is when we started to allow O in. We did the opposite. No PMO to then no PM. Maybe a break from all of it would help reset his brain and change his mindset?

 

On our Boundaries List, we have abstinence as a consequence for certain blips.
You can't control certain things... You can control how you handle them.
He chose to lie.
About a P-Sub ad.

 

We redid our Boundaries...
As this wasn't apart of his reboot plan originally, it did not count as a relapse.
It doesn't mean he went unscathed.
This is why it's important to define both and separately.

One is his addiction, one is your relationship

 

Wow, I cannot imagine coping with this situation. Pleasing my wife would bring me into close proximity to such incredible sexiness I would not be able to turn off and walk away from that: it would be sex or masturbation for me. Either your husband has far better will power than me or you are going to have to sign up for 90 days without relying on him for sexual pleasure (i.e. either go without for 90 days yourself too or see to your own pleasure).

I'm not sure if I understand the chaser effect but if you mean an increased desire to do porn the day after having sex then yes I do get that. But I am strong enough to get through it without caving in. The 90 days you and your hubby are embarking on would be a totally different level of arousal for me, not the chaser effect at all. If I think about pleasuring my wife I get turned on, if I actually do it then I am beyond that kind of will power.

Perhaps 90 days hard-mode is a bad idea? I've always decided against it because it would hurt my marriage, exactly the opposite of why I gave up porn. Does your hubby post here? What are his thoughts?

 

What is your love language

 

Retake it then.
He should try to talk to you in your love language.... When you need

 

Hmmmmm... Maybe read @Broken3 journals.
She talks about it there....

 

But my guess, my best guess is he is looking for the a edger (like edging) stimulus to keep the high of sex going

 

I don't like alot of what happens with the PA brain.
So I'm with you.

 

For me the chaser effect is a very big problem. After sex, it is not uncommon that I would masturbate 3-4 times in the same day. The compulsion to do is extremely strong.

I have experimented with combating this using the strategy you explained: pleasing wife, but no orgasm for me. It has not been very easy to apply this, as my wife doesn't know yet about my PM issues (I know, dishonesty is bad, but now is not a good time to tell her due to life complications, and it would be so much easier to tell her once I have overcome this problem.)

For me personally, I don't think this has caused any chaser effect. The experience is intense, but then it somehow gets closed, and I don't dwell on it afterwords, it doesn't fuel fantasies or compulsions, at least in my case.