Celebrating the first month of my new life, the happiest day in my last decades

This is great, @ThatOneGuy56
I also feel happier and the sadness I used to have inside my chest has disappear.
This is one of the rewards we get for rebooting, and it is what gives me force when I get and urge and feel weak
Fercho

 

@A_victory , thank you for liking this post.
It allowed me to re read it after 25 months, and I got very emotional to see how lost i was then.
We trend to forget too fast, and this is dangerous, because we can get complacent and relapse if we do not watch out.
While I read this post I can recreate inside my mind how shitty I was feeling, how lost and desperate. I was in the verge of losing everything I care about due to this stupid addiction.
25 months later, I can say: I am a rehabilitated PMO addict. I am not "cured", because I was an addict for 40 years, and I need to be very alert. The "gremlin" is still inside, dormant, weak. But ready to wake up and jump to my head if I allow him.
Keep on fighting
Fercho

 

That's great. Stay dtrong and do not hesitate in asking for help if you feel weak
Fercho

 

I am back during this week in Boston just by myself.
Two years ago this was the place where I used to hook up and hire escorts, "taking advantage " of being away from home and alone.
It was almost a routine: I was working during the day, and fucking around during all night. Some days I arrived the next morning dizzy after so much party
This time is different . I would not say that there is no temptation at all. It is Summer, there is a lot of beautiful people wearing light clothes and this is a big trigger.
I was riding the subway this afternoon and my eyes got attracted by a handsome guy. I got mesmerized for a few minutes. My brain tried to start building a fantasy, like in the past.
As soon as I reacted, I open some Notes in my cellphone, what I call my "Emergecy Toolbox". These are readings that allow me to become aware of what I was two years ago, why I quit porn and promiscuous sex, and why I need to say no, although the temptation is too big.
They are paragraphs that I took from other members posts, and some readings and videos. Some I wrote by myself.
It was long time since I did not need them, but it is good to know that they are there, ready to rescue me from the PMO zombie mode.
I want to share them with everybody that can find them useful

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...y-first-320-days-of-reboot.62938/#post-473978

If you do not feel like reading them all, I want to share the one that I have found more powerful, like my "instant rescue" motto:
" If you want to know if something is good or bad for you, you just need to ask yourself two questions: Where does this lead you? And how it will leave you.".

Stay strong
Fercho

 

Thank you @JohnDoe2016
Yes, she has been a great support during these 28 month of reboot
Nevertheless, it took a toll in our relationship
She does not trust me so much and I am working hard to get her confidence and love again
This addition can really destroy our lives :-(
Fercho

 

Thank you for your words @innermostheart , they mean a lot!
I will keep close to this wonderful community for long!
Fercho

 

Hi @Greggory , in my case, telling my wife was what saved my reboot. I could have never succeed without starting to speak out about my "dirty laundry". too many years ashamed and hiding behind PMO did not make any good to me. Coming out about my addiction was hard, but it was the beginning of my healing. There was no more magic in my marriage, just sadness and pain. I did too many stupid things, had a very promiscuous sex life and lied to her too much.
Even after 3 years we have some days better than others, because of course she get hurt with all my lies and secrets.
But rebooting means becoming adults that can cope with these challenges in life, and going over that shit was part of the process. 3 years later I feel more mature and secure, and my past looks stupid and tiny
Hope that this helps
Fercho