Cant stop relapsing, any advice?

noonoon · Feb 4, 2018

FapstronautCumsmonaut said: ↑

@noonoon Thats a different angle to look at it cause I dont usually view it from that angle, whenever I pmo I end up in binge which in turn leaves me wanting more and later feeling more degraded of myself and the cycle continue.
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Baby steps, man. Track your binges too. Try to limit them more and more. If they’re normally three days try and make them only two, then one. I remember when I first started I’d never gone three days nonfat too. Now it’s super easy to do three days. Three months is difficult now! But I’m pushing for a whole 360 days.
It’s challenging because we use fap to deal with so much of life’s difficulties. So part of the challenge is finding new ways to cope with stress or rejection or depression, etc.
Excercise. Journal. Read. Hobbies. Therapy. There are all sorts of tactical methods to help prepare u.
A big breakthrough for me was attending a 12 step group. I learned a lot. It was called SA. If u look it up you can find videos and stuff. They also have a book I can email to u if u like. Pm me if interested.

61 and done · Nov 15, 2022

DecisionPoint said: ↑

Ok, first thing is to realize that you are not alone. Almost everyone has to deal with difficult temptations in this life and lots of people have to overcome addictions of all kinds.

Once you accept that, try this way of thinking. This is a little tricky and it means being absolutely 100% honest with yourself.

1) You have no right to judge yourself
2) You are unique, loved and valued for who you are regardless of what you do(yes even if you PMO)

Think about this. Who you are and your value has nothing to do with your actions.

This is counter-intuitive.

How can that be true? That would mean that someone who murdered 10 people has the same value as someone who gives millions to charity. And that would be true.

Notice I didn’t say that the realization of your value and potential doesn’t depend on your actions. I said the value itself doesn’t depend on your actions. Of course whether your fully realize that value will ultimately depend on your actions but the first and probably most important step is see the value. It’s there.

Why is this point important? Because first you have to give yourself that acceptance and value that IS THERE and accept that regardless of what you’ve done. It helps you to see beyond your actions and stop beating yourself up and stopping the cycle of thinking badly about yourself and your life.

What if you knew someone who was the greatest person you ever met, selfless, giving, funny, intelligent, etc and something bad happened in their life and they started drinking and gambling? Would you focus on their drinking and gambling or would you remember who they were/are inside? Wouldn’t you want to talk to them and tell them how great they were? Wouldn’t you want to help them see what was inside of them??

You can do the same thing to yourself. Look past your “bad” behaviors and focus on that person inside you that you know has something really good to offer. I know you don’t feel it, but it’s there. You just have to accept that, then focus on it and bring it out.

You really don’t have the right to judge yourself, to say “I’m a rotten person because of so and so”. Just like you don’t have the right to judge others.

Once you get there and can see that person that is beyond the PMO or other things you do that you don’t like, you can begin to look at your behaviors objectively and ask yourself “how does that make me feel in the long run?” Once you GIVE yourself the freedom to make that choice you can make it and you will make it. If you keep beating yourself over the head, you’re locked in because the beatings reinforce the bad stuff you already feel about yourself which probably led to the behavior in the first place. You see a sign in some company offices that says “the beatings will continue until morale improves”. We laugh because we know that management philosophy is insane and yet we do it to ourselves. We also do it to others.

So, take it easy. Easy on yourself. Gentle. Take some time and work on being kind to yourself. Try it. Treat yourself like you would a close friend who’s going through a really hard time. Do some things you really like. Allow yourself to cry and be vulnerable. Laugh and find little things you really enjoy. And if you go back to the behaviors that hurt you, just step back and be aware of how they make you feel-don’t judge yourself harshly. Gently remind yourself of how it felt to be good, to do things that feel good without n intense rush.

With some time and some love and kindness, you’ll start to be able to make good choices and those successes will lead to more successes until ultimately you feel god enough that you don’t need the pain that the other choices bring.
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Great post

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Cant stop relapsing, any advice?

noonoon Fapstronaut

61 and done New Fapstronaut

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